After caring for my Dear friend, her Family treats me like I’m a nobody.

Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by Sunshine256, Mar 27, 2024.

  1. Sunshine256

    Sunshine256 New Member

    They have totally went from liking me, to treating me like I’m nothing. I worked so hard caring for their mom so that they could sleep better at night, have a piece of mind while I was there. I had to stop working full time to be with her 24/7 while asking for nothing in return. One day it’s fine, then the next, she is gone and nobody has even asked once, “how are you doing?” I’m behind on all my bills (because of not working), I am traumatized over this whole ordeal.
    I want to write a letter to both daughters about how I am feeling. They should know that I’m not ok, and from the way they are treating me, not knowing what I’ve done for them to act the way they have is causing me to slip into major depression. What do I say? I don’t want to sound like a baby, I don’t want to sound mean or like a nag. Their mama was my only family here in Alabama, she was the only person I had to go to when my ex was beating on me, she never judged but always talked with me and helped me through.
    The daughters know all of this and why I asked to care for their mama when the need came to happen. What do I say to express how I feel? Please help.
  2. Jeffry

    Jeffry Well-Known Member

    I can relate well to your situation. I was the sole caregiver for my wife throughout her final year of life suffering from terminal cancer, and like your situation, I had little to no help from her family. As long as I was there, they were content to just observe. As her caregiver, I was devoted to her and gave it everything I had in providing her care. I realize looking back that it was the most rewarding and important year of my life. I hope you feel a strong sense of pride in yourself for having given your friend everything you had in providing her care. You don't need the approval of your friend's ungrateful daughters. You did not do what you did to gain their approval. You did what you did out of your love for your friend. It's that obvious and that simple.

    I don't know enough of your situation with the daughters, with your ex, and with others to give you advice, but I can tell you what I did in my situation. I realized that the only thing keeping her family and me together had been our mutual relationship with my wife. We had never really established any independent relationship between us. There was not any animosity between us, but there was also not any natural bond between us. There was just no basis for attempting to patch together some strained, awkward relationship which would have no viable future without my wife as our foundation. So, what I did was to write letters to all parties involved explaining what I have just outlined to you. The letters were understood and well-received and we parted company on very good terms with all of us in agreement. Fate had placed us in this untenable situation, and whether regrettable or not, we all recognized it. It has turned out to be the right course of action over the years.

    These are all delicate matters that involve raw emotions at a time like this. I hate to see you carrying this burden that is causing you to slip into depression. I hope you can think this through and come to a satisfactory solution.