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Accepting death - stuck in denial

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by NaSam, Apr 26, 2022.

  1. NaSam

    NaSam Member

    It's been 2 years since the love of my of my life and father of my children passed and I still can't move forward. I want to believe he faked his death and still alive. I know this sounds crazy, somedays I see it but others I just want to believe it. I am so numb with the thought of him being really gone that I am stuck. I have struggled with his loss and can't move forward. Anyone else ever experience this?
     
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  2. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your loss. I definitely understand not being able to get over it. Its been 2 years for me too and I still wake up hoping it was a bad dream. I pray for strength everyday. That along with my kids is what gets me through the day. I feel like I became a single parent in the worse way. A piece of us is gone so its gone be hard to move pass but as we get stronger with each passing day we will hopefully be able to deal with this knew hand that life has dealt us.
     
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  3. NaSam

    NaSam Member

    I'm sorry for your loss as well. I have strong days, but those seem to be passing. This month marked 2 years and I feel as if the vicious cycle grief has returned to the beginning again. I don't know how to come to terms with accepting that he is gone.
     
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  4. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I definitely understand! All I can say is pray for strength. I feel lost and alone on many days but stay busy with the kids. I still don’t sleep well at night. We'll get through this with time.
     
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  5. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    NaSam, I've written to you before, when I
    saw that you put a "LIKE" on one of my
    posts, and on the posts of others on
    Grief in Common. I am so glad you are
    with us. May I guess that your name is
    Nancy, and your husband's is Sam? I have
    found that it's helped me to say my wife's
    name----Linda, and to hear the other
    Grief Warriors ( GW) on GIC, say her
    name, and that of their soulmates.
    Bernadine, from Oregon, shared a
    powerfully moving documentary, with
    us , late last night. I saw it over coffee this
    morning, and cried all the way through it,
    but it was good for me to watch it, and I
    thanked her. My GIC friends on the West
    Coast, are in a 3 hour time difference from
    me, but I see their posts the next morning.
    Since you and I , and other members, live
    on the East Coast , our replies can be more
    immediate. Hope to hear from you soon.
    Lou
     
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  6. NaSam

    NaSam Member

    I am Samantha (Sam), Nick is his name. I read many threads last night and feel like I know so much about you Lou. Thanks for welcoming me.
     
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  7. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Samantha, thank you so much for
    telling us your name, & Nick's. After
    Linda died, I felt it was my mission to
    welcome & comfort new members on
    GIC. I enjoy "talking" with you, even if it
    can be painful to talk about our soulmates.
    I also reached out to "Wolfdream" ,
    Natasha,who lives in Belgium, and who
    wrote movingly about the death of her
    soulmate, Johannes. She wants to help
    The Grief Warriors (TGW), as I call us.
    BTW, Linda & I loved the name,
    Samantha, bc that was the main
    character, played by Elizabeth
    Montgomery, in the TV show, Bewitched.
    We weren't far from Salem, Massachusetts
    where one of the episodes was filmed,
    There's also a statue of her in the city
    square. Hope to "talk" with you again,
    soon. Lou
     
  8. NaSam

    NaSam Member

    Thanks Lou! It has been 2 years, but I it doesn't feel that way. I have been in self isolation for a while now. I searched on line and looked for groups to join when I stumbled across this site and with reading threads I felt like this group my get me. I know all people grieve differently. I don'tknow anyone that's lost their soulmate that I can relate to. I've dealt with death before, but the pain doesn't come close to what I've experienced losing Nick. I get that a lot with Bewitched.
     
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  9. NaSam

    NaSam Member

    I sent that too soon. People as me to wiggle my nose. lol... Sorry for the typos.
     
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  10. NaSam

    NaSam Member

    My sleep schedule is all out of whack. We will get through this one day, one breakdown, one emotional ride at a time. We will also embrace our better days. How old are you kiddos? Will be keeping this this group as a whole in my prayers.
     
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  11. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Samantha, I'm 72. I had a lot of trouble
    sleeping when Linda died 3 & a half
    years ago. Gradually, with a lot of walks
    in the fresh air, and in the sunshine, my
    spirits lifted after a tough , gray cold
    winter. I ate healthy fruit between meals,
    like watermelon & red seedless grapes
    for hydration. I also like OUTSHINE
    fruit bars, which will be great when it
    gets hot here in July & Aug. The best thing
    I do for myself, is to go to bed the same
    time every night, and wake up the same
    time the next morning. When I had sad
    dreams about Linda, I would get up &
    have a snack at the table, & check in
    with fellow insomniacs on GIC, or look
    at "alerts" for the latest posts. Lou
    .
     
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  12. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Linda used to wish she could twitch her
    nose like Samantha , to clear out the
    clutter in our small apartment. Lou
     
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  13. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I think its gone take a while to get our sleep schedule right. Yea we have to pray for each other. My son will.be 6 next month and my daughter is 4. They are my blessings and my motivation. I hope you had a good day .
     
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  14. tgotyall

    tgotyall Well-Known Member

    Hi Sam.Nick was the love of your life ,of course it’s hard to “move forward” and how to define exactly what that means.It’s been just over two years for me also since I lost my love of life ,Gina.Am I moving on ,I feel like I am carrying on and the best that I know how.We will ALWAYS want them back .For me it’s like I know my Gina and your Nick and our families want us to be happy,but even knowing that it’s just so hard,I will not leave my Gina behind she needs to be with me as I navigate thru this life with her not with me.I do wonder what the grief level is for you and others at two years ? Part of Psalm 13 says “ How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart.You didn’t make yourself a widow but here you are,so hard to see into the future that is why I truly live one day at a time ,no longer a cliché but truth for us all.Our hopes and plans have been vaporized,so am I “stuck”. I feel overwhelmed and even defeated some days and a struggle to keep it together ,l miss Gina and I know you miss Nick and this just sucks ,and it will never be the same .He wants you to keep fighting,living the best life possible,grief takes time and it won’t always be like this I hope.I don’t really know ,hope is never lost ,hold on be strong and very courageous which at two years you already have and Nick would be proud of you.
     
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  15. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Hey, Tom, it's good to see you on here
    tonight, reaching out to comfort Sam.
    I hadn't seen you since we "talked"
    before Christmas. I had a rough winter,
    bc I had COVID right after Christmas,
    & couldn't walk outside , as I usually do.
    Just when I recovered, snowstorms hit
    Massachusetts, and I was housebound ,
    lonely, and depressed. I thought you
    had left GIC. I often speak of my younger
    brothers here: Gary, George, and Chad.
    But, you're my long lost brother, and I'm
    glad you're still waiting in the wings, and
    come out to welcome & comfort new
    members to GIC. Hope you are well,
    in your journey without Gina physically
    by your side. I'm feeling better with the
    milder temps and sunnier spring, but,
    like all Grief Warriors (GW), have my
    ups & downs. Louoo
     
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  16. NaSam

    NaSam Member

    Sorry, I took a nap. My daughter is 6 and my son is 11. your username makes me smile. My sons name is Cole. :)
     
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  17. NaSam

    NaSam Member

    Tom, I can't say what level I am on. I can say that I am deeply depressed in and still in a state of self isolation. I've lost my way. I have had periods of time where I felt stronger and it devastation came in waves, but after his birthday and the anniversary of his d date, I feel like I have regressed and it has started all over. I am told that I cannot let his death consume me, but others don't understand what it's like losing your soulmate, best friend, your person. I don't have my no matter what person anymore, I don't have the one I shared everything with. My children don't have their father. A part of me and my heart left the day he was called above. I've lost my identity. People are always telling me I need to move on and date. That is something that I'll never be able to do. I am sorry to unload that on you. THese are things that I cannot share with those around me or when shared they're not understood by others. I hope my depression isn't a set back for you.
     
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  18. NaSam

    NaSam Member

    This song isn't an uplifting song, but it expresses what I feel.
     
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  19. NaSam

    NaSam Member

    Lou, I am sorry you've had a rough winter. I hope that we overcome the depression and reach a place where we deal with Mr. Grief in waves. Thank you for being you and for reaching out and welcoming me. You have made a difference already with having someone to relate to. I don't believe I stumbled across this site by chance but by fate. I feel Nick and Linda smiling down us. :) I am certain your Linda is proud of you for being courageous and opening your heart and being a voice, leader and a comfort to the GIC family and newcomers. Reading your post with others gave me the strength to "speak up"
     
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  20. NaSam

    NaSam Member

    I have slept so much with the depression that I think my body is saying no ma'am, you have slept enough. I need to make myself go out and take a walk. I haven't left home since 4.14 from visiting the cemetery. I go through spells of overeating and then not eating. I'm losing weight again and i try to say at the least 105+
    I am not sure I get alerts on the threads. I am proud that at 72 you are doing so well with technology. :) I am 33.
     
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