a year later and i dont think i can

I appreciate that. I believe she will be there too. Its about an hour from LA I think. I just finally finished "A Windower's Notebook" and I really liked it. It was helpful. Thank you for the recommendation.

- Chad

 

Chad, I'm so glad you liked Jonathan's
book. I call him by his first name, bc when
I emailed him to thank him for his book,
I told him about Linda's end, in front of
me, just like Joy died in front of him, and
that he seemed like the brother I never
had. He wrote a warm,personal reply , 2
days later, & moved me by saying he would
be proud to be my brother. Recently, when
I found out he was on a book tour, with a
new international mystery, I told him I
had joined GIC. He surprised me again,
considering how busy he is, by writing again, that he remembered me and was
pleased I found a grief group. His way of
dealing with his grieving, is to immerse
himself in his writing, at writers ' retreats.
I have his book by my bed, and reread
some of the lighter, more amusing
chapters, like his affair with a former
student. He has chosen not to remarry,
and feels that everyone is different. I'm
so grateful and honored that Jonathan
took the time to respond to me. Lou

 

Thank you all for your very kind words, you sound like wonderful people, so sorry for the losses you have suffered, my heart goes out to all of you.
Deb, yes I still have to hold back my tears during a simple supermarket visit when I overhear couples discussing what's missing in their fridge, what they're out of, and so on. Even though face masks are no longer compulsory here (Italy) , I will continue wearing them (most people do anyway, it's become normality, like wearing a car seat belt), so that no one can see my expression if something suddenly triggers me off, wear sunglasses as much as possible too. Karen, my beloved left this world in November 20, too. The irony of it all is that we had first met in the month of November 26 years back. Thank you also to Helena and Lou, I prefer to use my middle name when I use internet, I hope it doesn't seem too unfriendly, it's just a habit really, I've always been terribly reserved unfortunately.
Take care everybody and this special name - Grief Warriors - you have discovered is very effective, I do hope I will eventually start seeing 'flickers of light'.

 

Rose, thankyou so much for saying that
you live in Italy. My wife , Linda, was able to go to Europe , with friends, when she
was in her 20s, back in the early 1970s.
She said Italy was one of her favorites.
Years later, she wanted us to go, ( I
never went to Europe), but it never
happened ). When we watched travel shows on TV, Linda would point at the
screen, when they showed your country,
and would say, "I was there!". Thank you
for being brave enough to say Karen's
name, to honor her memory. I understand
why you choose to use your middle name.
Other " Grief Warriors " ( GW, a term I
invented ) do that , as well. Rose is a
beautiful name and a beautiful flower.
It is Mother's Day here today ( I woke up
in the muddle of the night, at 3:30am). It's
a holiday Linda hated, bc her mother was
mean to her, and we didn't have children.
Some day, I hope you will take off your
mask and smile again. Spring is starting
here, after a long, dark , cold New England
season. Have you ever been to the United
States? Do you live anywhere near the
ocean? I gaze out to the timeless waves
every day , and it feeds my soul. Both
Linda & I grew up by the sea, but in different towns. I'm going back to sleep
now, but I was checking Grief in Common, and saw your moving message. I'm glad
you've decided to join us. Lou

 

Yesterday was mild with a cool breeze. Went for a nice walk around the compound before D. Did ok. Thursday it is supposed to hit 90! We go from Winter to Summer here! Take care BroSki!

 

Hey the Deb! What goes on in The DebVille... unfortunately I'm kinda blank and not much to say. Second MotherzDaye w/o the mother of my kid! Get by to get by!

 

George , glad you were finally able to
take a walk! When it gets really hot, you
may have to walk early in the am or pm.
Lou

 

Ah! Warmth may ye seep into my fibres!

 

George,

It's always so nice to "see" you, to "talk" to you!!!, TUTTAM!!! Not much new in "DebVille," lol, aside from having to continuously kick the F***!!! out of Mr. Grief. There's NO!!! way!!!, TUTTAM!!!, I'm going to let him trash entire days!!!, TUTTAM!!!, like he used to be able to do. Grieving SUCKS!!!, TUTTAM!!! I'm thinking I just beat my own record for the most TUTTAM!!! in one short paragraph, lol...

After several attempts, I managed to kick Mr. Grief hard enough to knock him out for awhile. I did my best to put a positive spin on today. I know I have so much to be grateful for... Our children, while so different in many ways, all share Bob's sense of humor, his love of adventures/travel, and an over the top strong work ethic. Each one of our children is successful in his/her own way. They are living life to the fullest, on their terms, and as a result, all of them are so very happy... This is exactly what Bob and I wanted for them from the day they were born. It's so way beyond difficult, not having Bob with me (physically) to share in their accomplishments, their happiness... I need a tissue.

Even though I'm so over the top sad, it was wonderful talking to my kids today. For a short while, I was able to enjoy one of those "flickers of light." It was such a good feeling, TUTTAM!!! I was able to live in the moment, no flashbacks, no triggers..., everything felt right in the world... After I got off the phone, Mr. Grief returned. I have to keep kicking the F****!!! out of him tonight. I'm hoping it won't be one of those way too long nights...

As soon as I'm finished "talking" to you, I'm going to make something quick and easy for dinner, then morph into a couch potato, wrap myself in my very favorite bereavement blanket (It's a cool night, but I'm NOT!!! complaining!!!), light a lavender scented candle a friend gave me on the one year anniversary of Bob's death, (the label on it says "Hug In A Jar"), with a cup of herbal tea and a box of tissues nearby, tune out of reality, and tune into something totally mindless on Netflix.

Tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start... Hopefully it'll be a much better day for us, for our GIC "family..."

Wait, before I go, I'm thinking how wonderful it would be, if Mr. Grief was able to be more like the Grinch... If underneath his miserable exterior, he actually had a heart... Daydreaming can be a very good thing!!!, TUTTAM!!! (Last one for the evening.)

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, loved your fantasy that Mr. Grief
may have a heart, like the Grinch. I'll try
to think of that when my head hits the
pillow tonight. I am proud of TGW, bc we're almost done with "just one day".
As I told Helena , neither Linda's or my
mother were kind to us when we got married. Since we did not have children,
Mother's Day and Father's Day were not
celebrated in our house. Now that I'm a
widower, I do not celebrate Valentine's
Day, either. My favorite holidays are the
Fourth of July, in glorious summer, and
Thanksgiving, where I'm an honored
guest at a table of a wonderful family
who've "adopted" me. I hope your
evening in Debville ( sounds like Dr.
Seuss!) will be a relaxing one. Lou

 

Unfortunately, I don't live near the coast but I am in the country surrounded by hills, quiet peaceful place,my ideal place just 2 was actually born and brought up in the UK, have been living here for so many years now though, I feel I've lived here all my life.
No, I've never been to the States, never been outside Europe really, except once when we all went to Egypt to visit the pyramids, great memories. My husband loved taking us all on family holidays, mind you, in recent years, we went just the two of us, as our grown-up kids in their twenties obviously prefer holidaying with friends now.

 

P. S. Sorr

P. S. Sorry I noticed a couple of typing errors: "Just 2' should be 'But I".

 

Hello Rose, this is Helena Here in US is almost 2 a.m.of course I can't s!eep...I used to live in UK in Essex in the mid seventies. I have visited Italy, beautiful country, you're lucky to live there, so many gorgeous areas to visit. Now I live in the East Southern part of US, but with the technology we all are connected. For me this site is the best to express our feelings, I have made many virtual friends, hopefully your will manage to know us, I'm glad you are reaching and reading our posts. Hope to see you again. Helena

 

I'm glad The Deb gets to kick MG in the nuts! I am thrilled it seems we are going to have a period of true warm weather longer than a day! I still feel like crap but I want energy to do STUFF! Went for long walks around the compound Saturday And Sunday. Keep trying. Mothers day was very hard this year. TUTTAM!!!
Love from the Eyepilot (EPX!!!) The George!

 

You should travel to Shit-cago for a warm humid 4th!!!! LOL!

 

George, love that you can have a sense
of humor, & be able to laugh at your
"Shit-cago". Your funny way with
words never fails to amuse Karen, " The
Deb",myself , & other GW. Sadly, Chicago,
with its' rising crime & homicides, is not
the "Chicago is my hometown", of
Frank Sinatra's famous, uplifting song. Lou

 

LOL or LMSO

 

Good Afternoon, The George,

I'm thrilled for you!!! too, TUTTAM!!! It really SUCKS!!! when Mother Nature is in one of her way too many bad moods, and is just being a total pita!!!, TUTTAM!!! Enjoy the warmer weather and (hopefully!!!) lots of sunshine the very best you possibly can.

I wanted to get a long morning walk in, but Mother Nature wasn't in the mood to cooperate, too cold... it was in the fifties (I'm sorry!!!, I know I have no right to complain,, lol!!! You can laugh at me, the way most of my friends from "home" do), and cloudy, but the sun has finally made an appearance, so I'll be hitting the pavement this afternoon. The best made plans, as we all know all too well, don't always work out.

I hope the nicer weather revives you, you feel at least a bit better, and have one, but hopefully more than one, reason to LMSO today...

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George I can see you Lou and me singing Shit cago my kind of town. We’ll be TGW Rat Pack. Lou is of course Ole Blue Eyes. You’re Dean Martin and I’m Sammy Jr. Gary