5 weeks in an can't face the days

I'm sorry for your loss. You gave God advice to Ostick. Thats what this site is about. We are all here to help one another. I can't seem to read any grief book quite yet but have heard wonderful things bout the one that you have. I had put it in my cart online to purchase what seem like forever ago but havnt yet. Continue to come here. Your grief is still haven't been long ago and what you're feeling is normal. It feels good talking to people that has dealt with same type loss. It let's us know we're no alone. I pray for your continued strength that you get stronger with each passing day.

 

Here I am. Today is Jack's birthday. I wished him a very Happy Birthday. I did read your Henderson post and I can see how you would dislike this city. How awful to be homeless in a car. Thank goodness you and Linda move through it all with some money. Henderson is way to hot for me. I tried to convince them not to move there, but my sister's husband has family there and he said if he died before my sister he wanted her near family. Plus they don't want to be in Calif.

I think we all make bad decisions thinking they are good decisions at the time. It's called "learning". Hope your Saturday is treating you well. K

 

Deb, how did the procedure go yesterday? Hope you got through it okay. K

 

Thank you for your kind words to me,
as always, Karen. I have to remember
that Linda & I took our marriage vows
very seriously. Our love for each other
never wavered, and both of us had a
crazy resiliency, as well as a sense of
humor. We enjoyed dining at bars, and
having drinks at casinos, where no
screaming kids were allowed, before we
got married. Linda had put on weight bc
of our lifestyle. A video was taken of our
Las Vegas chapel wedding. When the
minister read " to have & to hold", I
looked like I was going to cry. When Linda
& I watched the video at home, she teased
me that I looked worried that I couldn't
wrap my arms around her! This is the
first time I could share this story with TGW
and smile...... It's good that you celebrate
Jack's birthday. I would rather think of
Linda's birth day, then her sad end. Lou

 

Karen, Rose, and my other GW, male &
female: I've been noticing middle aged , and
older, vacationing couples, and that they,
are not smiling at each other. WTF?! Don't
they realize the precious moments they
have together? Linda & I had joyous
weekend and weeklong getaways, and
acted like acouple of kids ( partly bc we
didn't have any). On one trip, Linda
bought me a T-shirt which said:
I'M TIRED
I'M HUNGRY
LEAVE ME ALONE
We got a lot of laughs from other tourists,
who nodded their heads in agreement.
God, how I miss Linda when I see other
couples with grumpy faces, who don't
appreciate each other. Lou

 

Lou, I’m right there with you on that. I’m jealous when I see couples holding hands and I hear Ron saying that will be us, always happy and holding hands. And the couples who aren’t smiling or worse I hear them yelling at each other. I want to go over and say how precious each day is and to enjoy and love each other. Even the people who used to ask us how are you two together all day at work and all evening at home and still happy with each other. I felt like isn’t that what marriage is, wanting to be together? Boggles my mind. Robin

 

Karen,

Thank you so much for thinking of me. I had to postpone the MRI(s). Long story short, I called my insurance company to make sure I had benefits at the hospital I was going to. After all the "garbage" I went through prior to this, I wanted to make sure these had been approved. I didn't trust the info I got from my neurologist's office because they were going to send me somewhere else the week before. I called to check on my benefits, always wanting to get the information directly from the source, and was told by the person who I spoke with at the imaging facility, they no longer accepted my insurance plan. My plan has been out of network since 2016! I called my insurance carrier and was given the same information. Whoever in my neurologist's office scheduled the MRI (s), should have been aware of this. She told me I had benefits at this imaging facility, WTF???

The second time around, I wanted to stay on top of things so called my insurance carrier prior to calling the hospital, to check on my benefits. After about an hour on the phone, I wish I could say I was exaggerating!!!, being bounced back and forth like a ping pong ball from department to department, I was finally transferred to the NIA (National Imaging Association) where I was told the MRI (s) were denied because I haven't finished PT and also because I haven't had memory testing. I don't think I'm going to need to have memory testing, so I'm almost certain the MRI of my brain will be permanently scrapped, but I'm still having neck and shoulder pain, plus a 24/7 feeling of pins and needles on the bottom of both feet, and on the back of my calves. If it isn't history by the time PT is completed, I'm thinking my neurologist will order this one again. My neurologist wanted to see me at the end of September, but the first available appointment wasn't until November, so I took it.

I think I just wrote you a chapter when a couple of sentences would have been enough, lol!!!

I have lots of catching up to do, I don't have any idea what's going on in your life, but you, like all TGW, our GIC "family," are always included in my daily prayers.

I hope you've been having a much better summer than I'm having!!!, TUTTAM!!!

I miss you... I hope within a few weeks, I'll be able to visit a little more often.

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hi Lou and Robin, yes, I see these scenes all the time, make me so sad. Reminds me of the famous quote that many have said in various ways, that you 'don't appreciate what you have until it's gone".
I wanted to share with you a dream I had about my darling C the other morning. I say' morning' and not 'night' because I had actually woken up but was still lying in bed, not completely ready to get up. Well, suddenly I saw my husband lying in bed beside me, gazing at me with those deep dark beautiful eyes, then I got up and he was there again standing next to me. The next minute I knew, I was still actually in bed and hadn't got up yet. So I realised it was a dream, I must have dozed off again for a couple of minutes, but it was so 'real', I was so sure that I had been awake during all that time. Such a strange experience, completely different to 'normal' dreams, so difficult to explain, as if I'd had an apparition, or don't know what, really. Have any of you ever had these 'awake' dreams?

Sending hugs to you.
Rose

 

Those grumpy people don't know what they have. I say if you're that unhappy you're with the wrong person. I understand that disagreements happen but you definitely got to learn to look passed them know what you got. We all know how precious those moments are and would give anything to have them back.

 

Beautiful dream! I've had one that me and Gant had gone out somewhere since he's been gone. All I could see was a big smile on his face it felt so real til it shook me . When I woke up I could still see his smile. I don't have many dreams of him but I feel his presence sometimes. I think they visit to check.on us. I also use to see red bird in the same spot every day in the way to take the kids to school. He use to be the one to take them to.school so I feel he wants us to know he's still with us. Well I'm gone let you go before I get teary eyed. Hope u have a blessed day

 

That's a good way to look at it, Linda's birthday rather then her sad end.

 

Rose, yes, I had one and I believe it wasn't a dream but his spirit reached out. It was too real to ignore or forget. It was about a week after he passed and I'll never forget it. It was not like normal dreams. Hard to explain, but I know you know what I mean.

 

And have you noticed older couples in a restaurant sitting across from one another and not speaking the whole time. Jack and I wondered why they came out. We always had things to talk about while enjoying our meal.

 

Deb, you were so smart. I don't think I would of question the neurologist. I'm glad you have things in order and hopefully your pains will gradually heal with PT.

 

To continue: Jack had a garden on our 1 acre. In the dream he was walking parallel from one end to the other not looking at his garden but gazing up to the house. I remember what he was wearing, his jeans and a pull over my daughter gave him. When he reached the end of the property he disappeared. To me he was saying goodbye to his home. His face was not sad nor happy. The image is just as fresh as it was almost 20 months ago.

 

Wow, Karen , you're on a roll, with all
your replies today. Your moving dream
about Jack, reminds me of the movie,
Field of Dreams. Did you ever see that? L

 

Hum! I'll have to tax my brain if I ever saw the movie. I'll think on it.

 

Love the famous Karen "Hum!". It was
a baseball movie, with spiritual overtones,
starring Kevin Costner , James Earl Jones,
Ray Liotta, and other great character
actors. Lou

 

I haven't seen the movie on reflection, but sounds like a movie I would like. Thanks for mentioning it Louaster.

 

Rose, Yes, I’ve had dreams like that. That was your husband visiting you. You described it perfectly. Different and hard to explain. Dream but not a dream. It feels real and so special. I’ve woken up and Ron was holding me quite a few times. I’ve experienced others too. And what Karen says is so true, you’ll never forget it. I’m happy for you! Robin