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5 weeks in an can't face the days

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Ostick, Aug 14, 2022.

  1. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much, Karen. I was told to
    keep walking, after the hernia surgery, and. I have been. As I said. I've been using
    Linda's cane , for balance, bc the pain
    medicine made me wobbly. I'm more tired,
    which is to be expected. Went to sleep at
    8:30pm, my time, and just woke up at 11pm, and was pleased to see your message. As you know, I just want to get
    through tomorrow morning's mammogram. Some women ( incl. the
    nurses on Tues.) told me it will hurt .
    The good news is that it's brief. "Talk
    .later....... Lou
     
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  2. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Lou, hope everything goes well for your mammogram.
    Thinking of you.
    Rose.

    P. S. Sorry about having mistaken the restaurant manager for the owner, my mind is not too bright at times.
     
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  3. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Robin, wishing you all the best for your daughter. I know these episodes of contact dermatitis can be so frustrating and uncomfortable, but the correct therapy will ensure a full recovery, even if it will take a little time.
    Rose.
     
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  4. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Rose, you re one of the brightest GW on here. Deb came up with the concept of the
    "foggy widow/ widower's brain". We have to deal with so many details, some annoying, in our every day lives. When I
    meet someone new, I write down the
    person's name, bc it's important to me.
    I like it when people remember my name.
    I think it's bc I live alone now. Like you, with C. , I think about Linda every morning, but I try not to dwell on the
    shoulda , coulda, woulda, bc that leads
    nowhere. We did the best we could. We had no idea how our loved ones would
    make "the transition", as Gary says, into the
    mysterious spiritual world. I'm in a fog
    sometimes , too. Just woke up from a long
    dream about people I knew in the past,
    but also about strangers, and having
    conversations with them. It's only 4am. my
    time , so I'm going to roll over & go back
    to sleep, I was in such a fog just now, that I
    couldn't answer you , and I think your
    post will be repeated. We'll soon find out!
    Thank you for your kind sentiment about
    my appointment tomorrow. At least this
    one is at the local hospital, so it's nearby,
    and I'm taking a special van to get there. L
     
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  5. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you Rose! I tell everyone when they first sign up what a wonderful community of people are on here and how caring and understanding everyone is. Then when I get posts like yours, Lou’s and Karen’s caring about my daughter I just can’t believe how special everyone is. I feel blessed to have and everyone of you that I can call my friend.
    My daughter was able to get some sleep last night for the first time since this started. I told her that will help with the healing. I’m so glad this didn’t happen while she was helping me in my yard. She hasn’t been here doing yard work. But we need to find it, she said she wants a hazmat suit. Thank you again Rose.
    Robin
    PS we all get foggy brain, to be expected.
     
  6. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Good news, for my caring middle of night
    GW, Karen, Robin, Rose, & others. My
    mammogram was not a cause for alarm.
    My problem may have stemmed from one
    too many meds, and my urologist is going
    to try to end that one. The mammogram
    didn't hurt as much as I had feared, bc I
    had taken 2 Tylenol to ease the dull pain
    of my hernia. I enjoy walking with Linda's
    cane right now, while I regain my balance & confidence after these 2 medical
    procedures. I am getting sympathy from
    both men & women. My buddy & I are
    going to the cafe tonight, for the Friday
    night live music. Lou
     
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  7. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Such good news. Celebrate. So happy for you now your worries are over. Have fun. K
     
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  8. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Karen. In the spirit of putting
    myself first, I decided to go home at
    half time, when the band took a break.
    The hospital worry, examination, and
    heat of the day, wiped me out. My younger
    friend was busy, looking for women, as
    usual. I just go for the music. I don't get
    my hopes up every Friday night, like he
    does. Looking forward to a good night's
    sleep, and wish the same for you. Lou
     
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  9. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Lou I’m so happy for you! Thank you for sharing you’re good news!! I hope you enjoyed a nice evening and can get a nights rest tonight. No more worrying. Robin
     
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  10. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Robin. As I told Karen, I left
    the cafe halfway through the music, bc I
    was wiped out. Glad I did, bc I had a peaceful 2 hour sleep. Just woke up to "do
    my business", when I saw your fun message . Lou
     
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  11. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Lou, happy to hear it's all over and wasn't too painful for you.
    You're right, the word 'foggy' is a great expression to describe us when we forget or misunderstand things, it's a common feeling for us, unfortunately, isn't it? (oh, thanks for calling me bright, you're too kind) .
    I hope we hear from Deb soon.
    Just to put a bit of humour, I got up at 5am this morning and met my son in the kitchen cooking himself some pasta! He'd just got in from his night out! Well, I suppose I shouldn't nag too much, at 26 yrs old, he's taking advantage of these long summer nights, a break from his studies.
    Take care of yourself.
    Rose.
     
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  12. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Rose, I'm impressed with your son cooking
    pasta.My folks never taught me to cook,
    and I had no interest in it. My mother
    cooked , but took no pleasure in it. When I
    was your son's age, opening cans of tuna,
    frying an egg, or boiling hot dogs, was my
    idea of "cooling". I would either get takeout
    from restaurants , or sit at a bar , for beer
    & dinner. When I met Linda, she asked if I
    cooked, and I was defensive, I was lucky
    that Linda enjoyed cooking, and we watched fun cooking shows on TV. When she became ill & sedentary, I did the
    cooking , based on what she taught me. I
    I will again, on long winter nights, but
    enjoy my breakfasts & lunches at outdoor
    restaurants, &people watching, now. Lou
     
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  13. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for your loss. Im sure those people that around you that aren't supporting havnt been through the same type loss you dealing with. Losing your significant other is different from any type.loss. Its a piece of you missing. The way you are feeling is normal. Try to take breaks and get as much fresh air as possible. The fact that you've only seen your counselor once but you feel she's helping is awesome. Keep going to her. Being here among people who understand what you're going through without judgement will also use good for you. You'll get stronger as time go by your loss is still fresh.
     
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  14. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Nicole, I agree with your advice to,Ostick,
    & other potential new members on GIC:
    Continue with grief therapist. I almost
    quit mine, bc I thought she annoyed me
    one day. I told her my feelings. I was
    extremely oversensitive at the time. I'd
    also urge. new members to give GIC a
    chance.....Lou
     
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  15. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    Hey Lou hope all is well with you. Grief in common is definitely the place to be because we're here to listen wo judgement. We understand what each other is going through.
     
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  16. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Nicole. Just woke up briefly and was pleasantly surprised to see your
    reply to me.With my "foggy widower's
    brain" , as Deb amusingly calls it, I had
    forgotten I'd written to you, agreeing with
    you about sticking with a therapist and
    GIC. I'm grateful to have gone through
    surgery , and fear that came before it. I told the nurses and surgeon about Linda's
    death, and how she'd always come with me
    to medical appointments. As I told the kind
    GW, after taking some meds which made
    me wobbly, I decided to use a cane-- Linda's. I feel her spirit with me when I
    walk outside, among a crowd of people. L
     
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  17. hbaj1

    hbaj1 Member

     
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  18. hbaj1

    hbaj1 Member

    Ostick, Do not be too hard on yourself. Grief takes a long time to sort through and the path takes many twists and turns. Being a care giver for that many years and then loosing your wife takes quite a toll on the body.
    As much as we want the grief process to hurry along it requires time to sort through all the emotions. Be patient with yourself and one day you will find that the memories of your wife are a comfort rather than sad.
     
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  19. hbaj1

    hbaj1 Member

    I have been reading a book on grief that I found so helpful to me. I have tried others but this resonates with me.
    The book is called It’s OK That You’re Not OK written by Megan Devine.
    My husband died ten months ago and now I am at the stage ‘Now what?’ Where do I go from here? This is not fun but I also know I will survive, so many of you are proof of that.
     
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  20. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Welcome to Grief in Common. I see that
    you're a little younger than I am, & live
    outside U.S. So sorry to hear about the
    death of your soulmate & husband. My
    wife, Linda, died in front of me, 3 & a half
    years ago, but I didn't join GIC until a year
    ago. Linda was 68. We were married 25 yrs, no children . I live on the northern
    coast of Massachusetts, in the U.S. May I
    ask your name, and your husband's? Thank you for book suggestion. My grief
    counselor recommended Permission to
    Mourn, which I suggested to this group.
    I call us The Grief Warriors (TGW)bc we
    leave no one behind on the battlefield of
    grief. Lou
     
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