5 weeks in an can't face the days

Rose, what comforting, wise words ( and
gentle advice) to Ostick and to other GW
like me. I forget whether you read The
Widower's Notebook, a memoir, by
Jonathan Santlofer, married 40 years to
Joy, with one adult daughter. He's an
artist, and has sketches of his family in the
book. It is an honest, sometimes funny
portrait of his family. He has some powerful chapters on some friends &
family who either can't comfort him in his
grief , refuse to talk about it, or just let him
vent---and listen . All of we GW know that
we would reach out bc we "get it". One
quick anecdote that was a pleasant surprise to me. When COVID hit here in
March, 2020, I was so angry that I was
yelling at my grief counselor on the phone
( bc we couldn't meet in person). I said
she just didn"t understand how lonely,
depressed , and devastated I was , when my local bar had to close, and the owner
couple didn't know when they could
reopen. I was going there every Friday
night to drink & laugh with my friends, who never met Linda. Ironically, I go to a
much better cafe, with live music, and new
friends, who are much less superficial and
kind, than the old ones. I had resented a
40 year old mother, who had managed a
restaurant, and was kind to me, and would
listen to me, at her lunch counter, when
there were no customers. When Linda
died, she didn't ask if she could go get
groceries for me ( just one time!), and leave
them in my hallway. All she texted was
"stay positive", with a prayer sign. I texted
back that she could never understand
how my manic depression magnified the
terror & rage I felt, to be extremely sad &
lonely again. I also said that just saying,
"stay positive", was condescending and
unhelpful , and to knock it off. She
never answered. The lunch place closed,
and she disappeared. Last week, she ran
toward me, in tears, hugged me,and
explained why she hadn't texted. Her
mother -in- law died unexpectedly from
COVID, and her father was beside himself,
in terror, and she couldn't help him at the
time. I told her I felt so bad, bc I always
thought she was compassionate to me,
and in my manic depressive state, felt
betrayed by her. Now, it was my turn to
ask for forgiveness. I told my friend, who's
like a daughter to me, and she said the
chance moment ( or God given) was
special. Lou

 

Rose, woke up briefly at 4:30 am, my time, after a few hours of deep sleep, with the
aid of a pain medicine, which helped
relax me. so I could sleep. Like you and
Robin, the first thing I do , is to to
to reply to any posts directed to me.
Thank you so much, Rose, for your
concern for my health & happiness,
like Linda did. Lou

 

Robin, please read my ( long!) post to
Rose, at almost 5am, my time. The 3 of us
were playing leapfrog with our posts. Hope
you went back to sleep. "Talk " later , as
temporarily MIA Deb is fond of saying! Lou

 

Leapfrog!! Made me smile! I hadn’t been asleep yet. But I do stay up late often. Had a long day and needed to unwind. I did get some sleep though. Woke up to a very cloudy day. My day was nothing like yours. But My daughter was suffering from what we thought were chigger bites. Later found out we don’t have chiggers here. But they became blistered and some hot to the touch. I told her we need the doctor to look at this. So we spend all evening at a walk in clinic. They don’t know what it is but gave her steroids to take. While we were there and a husband and wife came in. Very panicked. I heard her say her husband was having an allergic reaction to something. Was having trouble swallowing and breathing. He had a mask on so we didn’t realize until he was put in an ambulance that his face was very swollen. It felt so scary to see. This poor man suffering, his wife who uses a cane trying to care for him. My daughter and I became teary. We saw their closeness and felt his discomfort. As they went out everyone wished them well. But it made me so emotional. We prayed for them to be ok. So my evening just took me off guard and needed some unwind time.
Lou, how are you feeling today? I’m happy you got some well needed sleep. Hope your day is prettier then mine. Robin

 

Oh, crap, Your poor daughter, Robin.
Hope steroids help really soon. Story
about couple both scary & sad. I'm
grateful to God that I'm OK today, thanks.
Had a fear that I wouldn't wake up after
anesthesia, which was irrational, bc I
never had a problem before. I also
worried about pain. but it was just dull,
not sharp. Took Tylenol, ate lightly, and
took only one small dose of Oxycodone
to relax, in order to sleep at night. I'm
supposed to walk, drink a lot of water, &
eat foods with fiber, incl. salads.My friend,
who's my age, & has a cane, suggested one
for me, for balance. I'm using Linda's and
I feel her spirit within me. Lou

 

I got it, Ate instead of Are. But, you just had surgery, so I'm not going to be hard on you.
I'm so happy you are feeling well and can go out and have some fun. Good news. K

 

Thanks for the Karen pardon! As you
can see from my long reply to Robin
today, I'm using Linda's cane---for balance.
Gary's Native American cane is proudly
displayed in my living room, and I look at it, in his honor, every day. Lou

 

https://app.robly.com/archive?id=a3ff7c249f3fc1e61f7f085a3c8dd6c9&v=true

 

Thanks, Bernadine! I had seen that
Napolean quote. I identify with him in
2 ways: I'm short ( ! ), and I crowned
myself "Mayor" of the Neck ( our
boardwalk of shops, art galleries, and
restaurants). I've become an unpaid PR
guy, who knows all the small business
owners. I greet tourists and suggest places
for them to go. Linda would be amazed ,
bc she was more of an extrovert. Her
spirit is within me. When you read my
talks with Karen, Robin, and Rose, you
will see that I'm using her cane, bc I'm
on extra meds from visit to hospital
yesterday. It is temporary, and helps with
my balance. Lou

 

P.S., Karen. The friend who drove me to,
the hospital, & suggested a cane, until I feel
more confident, also said he could cut
down Gary's Native American cane ( which
Is too tall for me), as well. L

 

Lou, it's 9Pm here and you will get this in the am or in the middle of the night as you seem to come awake. Take it easy today. You just had surgery and it has to heal and will take sometime even though you feel fine now. I'm thinking about you and glad Gary's cane will be shortened for you, meantime your using Linda's. So sweet. Good night here and Good morning there. K

 

Love you for caring about me, Karen.
It was great to have phone at hospital.
During the waiting periods, I could
"talk" with TGW, like you, and feel better.
I'm in contact with Deb, and she cracks me
up . I took an Oxycodone early tonight, &
went out like a light. I'm careful, & don't
lift things, but I'm outside, walking with
Linda's cane.I feel fortunate, and was whistling My Way, by Sinatra, on my
walk down Main St. Lou

 

Lou, first of all, thank you for the way you praised my earlier post to Ostick, I hope we will hear from him again.
I'm so happy yo hear you're recovering well, I admire you for your "get up and go" method. That's the way, you're doing the right thing using your Linda's cane, going for long walks. When you say how you have become a free PR man to your town, you remind me of a story my daughter told me the other day. She and her group of friends had visited a nearby town they'd never seen before, and she described how pretty it was and how a couple of kind gentlemen had started chatting to them, explaining all about the town, the history, and all the places they should see. She had been so touched by these kind, friendly, warm, enthusiastic gentlemen and how they had loved conversing with them. You sound just like that.
I was moved by the story of the lady restaurant owner, but I'm glad that you've had the chance to clear up your misunderstandings.
Keep well.

Robin, I was also touched by that story of the couple you met in hospital. I understand when you said you and your daughter got teary, I probably would have done the same. I find that nowadays, I start crying easily, at anything, didn't used to be like that.
I know how frustrating and worrying it must be, seeing your daughter suddenly finding herself covered in mysterious blisters, not knowing where they've come from. I'm sure the steroid treatment will do the trick. Summertime does bring strange disorders. Last year around this time, my daughter suddenly developed a red eye, and was also very painful. It seemed like just an ordinary conjunctivis infection, so we bought the usual eyedrops from the chemist's. After two weeks, no difference. So I had to take her to a private ophthalmologist, he diagnosed an 'atypical type of conjunctivitis', didn't know if it was bacterial or viral. Luckily the treatment he gave her, worked successfully.

All the best to you all, have a good night's sleep.
Rose.

 

Thank you for your praise of me, Rose,
comparing me to the kind men who helped
your daughter & her friends. At first, I was
confused when you referred to the "lady
restaurant owner". She was actually the
manager ( hardly ever saw owner). I had a
very different experience with an outdoor
Greek restaurant. The family is warm &
friendly, and caters to my Celiac Disease
needs , by serving me delicious all beef
hot dogs, hamburgers, & chicken salad, on
gluten free bread. The 20 year old daughter
is beautiful, inside & out. I told her I was
old enough to be her grandfather ( sigh),
but I had to say how beautiful she is, with
her radiant smile. I told her that her
boyfriend should be very good to her, and
she smiled, & said he is. I also poked fun at
myself by telling the story of when I was
awakened by a nurse , in her 50s, as I
was coming out of anesthesia. I saw a
woman, with dyed red hair ( a nurse), and
I told my nurse how beautiful the young
woman was. She looked at me with slight
disapproval, & said " you're old enough to be her grandfather!!". That hurt, but I
chuckled. Soon after, I said the hell with
that, and called out to the redhead that I'm
old enough to be her grandfather, but wanted to say how beautiful she is. Mission accomplished. The young woman smiled, &
I didn't look at my judgemental nurse, who
was probably irritated that I didn't say that
about her. I've reached the point, " in the
autumn of my years", as Sinatra sings, that
I will speak my mind & not let a moment,
good or bad, pass by me. Incidentally, the
young daughter of the Greek restaurant
suggested a Greek salad, occasionally with
chicken kabobs on top. It's a healthier meal, especially now, and I told her how
grateful I was for her suggestion. She
smiled at me, and said she never got a
"dirty old man" vibe from me. Thank
God! Lou

 

Thank you Lou, she’s been pretty miserable. We’re thinking it’s poison ivy. But no idea where she got it from. I’m happy you’re doing so well. I’m glad you’re using Linda’s cane and can feel her with you. If I recall correctly I think you have another appointment tomorrow. Hope that goes well. More prayers coming your way. Robin

 

Robin, So sorry your daughter is suffering,
when she should be enjoying the summer.
I've never had poison ivy, but I know it's
miserable. Hope she gets it treated quickly.
I'm always amazed when you & other GW
remember my appointments, bc you're
all dealing with so much, on top of grief.
My mammogram is at 10am tomorrow. I
plan to be at Whale's Jaw for lunch &
live music, around noon. I'm trying to
take one day at a time. My fear of pain
after the hernia surgery was worse than
the experience. Isn't that how it usually
works? Lou

 

Thanks again Lou, I feel so bad for her. Hopefully she starts feeling better soon. You are right, we tend to make things worse in our minds then they are. I’m just happy you’re doing so well. And tomorrow will go well too and then off for a nice lunch and live music. One day at a time, is there any other way.
Robin

 

OMG, poison ivy. I'm prone to it, ivy and oak. It has to run its course. I feel for her. The doctor gave me a cortisone shot which helped, but what it did was prolong the process of healing. Took forever to disappear.

 

Yes, healing is painful. You're very positive -- everything will be okay. Faith.

 

Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve never had it. She hasn’t either. They’re all blisters and so painful on top of itchy. But you know all that. We have zero experience with this. As a child Ron cut down a small tree, making a fort. Inside was pink. Yup poison sumac. He thought it was beautiful and carried a piece home to give to his Mom. He was in bad shape. The dr has my daughter on steroids and now they’re turned bright red. Like crazy bright red. Feels a tiny bit better. Thank you! I told her my friends here feel for her.