4 years of hell....

Discussion in 'Loss of Adult Child' started by KatherineLSmith, Aug 23, 2020.

  1. KatherineLSmith

    KatherineLSmith New Member

    Sebastian is, forever will be 22. He died July 20, 2016. I’ll never know the truth of what happened that day. The detective in our small town, doesn’t believe he did it. Sebastian struggled for years with drug abuse. Anything and everything he could inject, he did. March 21 of 2016 he was 8 months clean. That’s the deal we had for him to be able to move home. April he got himself a plane ticket from Florida to Colorado. With in days he had a job as a cook. He was doing great. June, his brother my 16 year old came for the summer. Got a job working with Sebastian. The 3 of us together again with my then husband and his son. Fast forward to July. We had a terrible fire in the small town we lived in. Evacuated for 5 days. The boys decided to stay in the mountain and stay in a room at the restaurant/ lodge they worked at so they could help feed firefighters. July 19, 2 days before we were to go celebrate 1 year clean by shoveling our faces with crab legs a past friend of Sebastian’s went into his work. He worked for a company cleaning out homes that were foreclosed on. He asked Sebastian for help the following day. Sebastian of course said yes as they were both clean and it would give them a chance to catch up. No big deal, right? WRONG!!!!! They went to the job site. They started working. It was an old marijuana grow house. Somehow a chemical, a deadly hallucinogenic made its way into his Red Bull. Not my kids style of doing drugs. They believe he does with in 10 minutes or so of this chemical, 25C-nBome hitting his system. He was found outside face down on a small deck. The kid he was with waited until the end of his workday to call his girlfriend, who called 911. My son laid there dead all day in the sun and then the rain. The kid he was with made up so many stories of what happened that day. And then killed him self so I will never know the truth. The guilt I have is terrible. I should have tried to stop him from going with that kid. The detective believes the kid with him put the stuff in his drink. There will never be a way to tell. It’s just past the 4 year mark and I don’t think I can keep living.
  2. KarenK

    KarenK New Member

    Katherine, I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful daughter on August 22nd. She also had been clean for one year. I have not gotten the toxicology report back yet so I'm not sure if it was just medication conflict or something else that she did. I was not there when she died. I was not there to save her. I was not there to protect her. I was not there to care for my baby as I had done her entire life. When I say I understand. I really understand. What I do know, is that she is in the most beautiful place right now with the most beautiful loving God. That her and your son have absolutely no worries. That they are very very much alive. That they have gone home. We will go home some day as well. But if you are still here and I am still here, we must have a purpose and we must still have work to do. I love you, and I know God loves you so very much. I have spent the last two days sitting in front of YouTube watching near-death experiences of people that have gone to heaven and come back. It has really helped me paint a picture in my mind of where Jena is now and how beautiful it is. It is replacing the picture of her dying in a house where I was not with her, where I could not help her. I have prayed for you, I don't know you but I will continue to pray for you. I want you to draw on the love of God right now. You can go on, you must go on, your life has a very special meaning. You touched me with your story and I know that you will touch others as well. If you would like to connect on Facebook I am on there. My name is Karen Kilgore. We will find Hope together. All my love to you.