4 losses and more in less than 2 years

I seperated from my partner. Seperations are never easy, there is a before, during and an after process... while grieving that I lost my dad to cancer. While grieving that I lost my grandmother to the grief of her son. While doing everything in my power to still holding on and hoping for a positive turn I lost my beloved dog to a sudden illness 3 weeks ago. I've also lost 2 other people in my network. Meanwhile I lost a home, had to build a new one, I lost a position at my job, found a new job which is a place of damage to mental health.. I am sick of trying, I am tired. I've done everything i am supposed to do, grieve, sports, activities, beeing social, talk to a professional, positive mindset and appreciation. I feel like I now deserved something else than loosing my dog. I felt that my time to something better had come. Now I just feel like I am fighting for nothing. Whatever im building up is falling apart as soon as I feel ready to try to breathe again. Now I really really miss my dad and my dog. I want to be with them. Not having them around is like the fear of darkness, the worst lonliness ever and feeling incomplete.