Lost mother, sister and father in 5 years

Hello. My name is Susan and I’m 40 years old. Im new to this community. Here’s my story.
1 lost my mother to breast cancer on January 12, 2018. She was 69 (I was 33). I lost my sister to alcoholism on the 5 year anniversary of losing my mom, January 12, 2023. She was only 42 and my only sibling. She kept her addiction very well hidden and my father and I only discovered that she had stage 4 liver failure when she was hospitalized. It was months of watching my sister go through the most awful disease I’ve ever seen. 5 months later my father suddenly died from blood clots in his intestines. I having newly been appointed his personal representative had to make the very difficult decision to stop all treatment, following the wishes of his living will.
The 4 of us were a tight family unit and extremely close. Once my dad died, I as the youngest, had to take on a role I was never prepared for. So many things that had to be handled and I had no idea what I was doing. I checked everything off the list and sold my family at the end of 2024, which was a huge undertaking and another huge loss. I’m just now coming out of the auto pilot phase and the magnitude of all that has been lost, all that I’ve seen with all three of their deaths and the days of months leading up have really taken a toll on me.
I’m lost and sad and feel very isolated. People are getting fed up with me and how much I’m struggling bc it’s been around 2 years since my father and sister died. Having lost my entire nuclear family before the age of 40 is not something I was prepared for. My husband is constantly frustrated with me and wants me to go back to the person I was a few years ago. His empathy is on its last leg and I’m truly feeling like I’ve lost all of the people who loved me unconditionally. “Worts and all” as my mom used to say.
Anyway, I’m hoping joining a community like this might help me move forward. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read my story. As most of us here know, sometimes we just need to be seen or heard.
Xo,
Susan J.

 

I'm so sorry Susan. I hope you are doing okay. My situation isn't exactly the same, but I am still grieving three years later after losing the three parental figures in my life (my mom and grandparents) within a year. In fact, when you posted this I was having a major depressive moment that put me in the hospital. This time of the year is when they all passed and their birthdays are all around this time as well so it tends to hit me pretty hard in the spring. I have siblings and we supported each other consistently when it happened, but I'm single and they have families so maybe my isolation is probably what keeps me ruminating. My Mom, Mimi and Poppy were the people I would call home to when I needed them and its still just rough not having them a phone call away. I can understand a bit of what you must be going through, and honestly props to you for getting through all of that heavy responsibility. Not sure I can offer any words of wisdom as I also just joined the community, but just wanted you to know you're not alone and I'm hoping we both can find ways to process our grief. Take care.

 

Dear Susan, it’s all so horrible and hurts like heck. I found this site an hour ago and signed up, I saw the words, you are not alone, felt very much like a much needed hug. Susan, you are not alone.

 

I am sorry for your loss and pain.
I am thankful that you are reaching out to comfort someone else during this time of your own trial.
God loves you and is available at any moment you call upon Him. He has the strength and healing for which you are longing. He is good and wants to help you.
I love you.
Chris

 

it must be terrible to have suffered these losses so close together and then find yourself responsible for things that it never occurred to you would require your decisions.
No wonder you feel lost and sad and feeling isolated. I feel that feeling of isolation we experience is because we know others around us haven't experienced the depth of loss we have and so they really can't understand. It isn't that they don't want to. It is that they can't. Only someone who has gone through such severe tragedies is capable of understanding the feelings one experiences afterward.
Do you have anyone with whom you can talk who is willing to listen without getting upset? Have you considered a Christian grief counselor? I went to one and the greatest thing he did was that when I said there was something I didn't understand, he would immediately stop and say let's pray about it. One day I posed a question that was troubling me and before praying he said we don't always get an answer and might not understand certain things until Jesus returns and we can communicate with him in person. However, after he said this and we prayed, I did get an answer. I got the answer I needed to set my heart at rest.
God can be your best friend and greatest source of help, suppport, and comfort. Just talk to him like you talk to us on this website. He loves you and wants to help you if you will call on Him. I thought I was close to God before my tragic loss of our son to suicide, but I found out when you go through a tragedy you find a much deeper place of trust in God that you have ever known before.
God's blessings to you.
Chris