Regrets -does anyone else have them, how do you deal with them?

oh my God, im so sorry for your loss. i totally understand your feelings trust me..

 

I have many regrets, I didn't provide her with the life she deserved. We didn't take great vacations, though we did go to some places. We never had the house fixed in the way she would have wanted. I was also stubborn when it came to things that she might want to do at times.

The worst thing is, she spent 15 of her last 30 months in a hospital or rehabs. The morning that she had the heart attack and stroke that lead to the end of her life, I sat in the car an extra 5/10 minutes because I was just burnt out. While I was in the car, he had the heart attack that triggered a stroke. I'm always going to feel guilty that I wasn't there when it happened.

Since her passing, I made a bucket list of things I wanted to do or see, and yes, I do wish she was there for all that. And in a way, I believe she was. I have done a good bit of them. It was very theraputic and lead to what I call my reinvention. The great thing about bucket lists is that they are refillable.

 

susananne---I think from how long you guys were together and I'm sure the love you had for your husband,....and the love he had for you---thats marriage---good and bad, better or worse---but your husband would not hold that against you and would want you happy (even after he is gone). Please give yourself grace, and know--he remembers the good times and the love you showed him while together in that marriage.

I helped my partner with his cancer for 9 months,...and he was doing well with the first round of chemo,...but his oxygen levels had started getting lower one evening and we were headed out the door to go to the ER (after calling his oncologist)---we didn't make it down the sidewalk, and he collapsed on top of me,...my neighbor and I did CPR on him for the 4 minutes it took firemen and EMS to arrive...and I can honestly say I gave him nothing but love and support for 29 years,...and we never (maybe 3 or 4 times ) in our time together--had disagreements )---and they were smoothed over soon and we had nothing but respect and admiration of each other. He was an AMAZING man,....but the guilt that I am feeling after a month still is soooo overwhelming!!! I question "did I do CPR right ? Should I have taken him to the ER a few hours earlier?,...."why wasn't I more aggressive with his doctors",....we all question what we "could" have done better and question ourselves (especially ) in sudden loss---because it just doesn't seem real---and "they" can't possibly be gone forever). I'm in therapy--and it's helping----but over the last week,...I've just wanted to die----I feel so empty and lost. I would never hurt myself or others,....but he was the reason I got up with a smile on my face, and I wanted to make him breakfast, or cook for him later (he loved my cooking)---we entertained , blah, blah---it's soooo devastating!!! But I can say 1000% he never wanted for anything, and he knew how loved he was by me,...but 4 minutes has defined my feelings and therapy has helped a lot. I would love to find a LGBT group for more help---any recommendations would be soooo appreciated.