Losing Brother Estranged from Family

Hi, I am new here and have been estranged from my family due to abusive behavior from my father and mother extending back decades. I have a large family and nobody knows the reasons for our estrangement, because my parents are very narcissistic (dad is sociopathic) and have told many layers of lies about the truth of what happened. I spent years trying to mend the relationship, asking for an acknowledgment of what happened and an apology and for us to make a change going forward. They continued to say it never happened, denied everything annd blamed me, even though there were people who knew what actually happened and it’s all written in the emails I sent.

My father reached out after years of us not speaking, and he texted my husband and left voicemails demanding that I needed to be there to support my mother because my brother had died, unexpectedly. He was severely mentally ill and they left him in our childhood home to live alone instead of getting him help. My Dad said he would show up here and bang on the door if he didn’t hear a response. I spent the night with my heart racing, grieving my brother and also extremely depressed that my sibling died and this was what I received as love from my parents in response. We told them how sorry we were and they threatened to come show up here and demanded I end the estrangement and bring my kids and everyone because my mom needs us.

I am deeply depressed by this, by all of it and I think numb to the situation which is why I posted in PTSD. It’s extremely traumatic to me that because of the estrangement I can’t grieve my brother and attend the funeral, because my father is hostile towards me. I feel sick because of it, because it’s not who I am. I feel completely and totally trapped in this situation, and that I can’t properly grieve or take action and be present as I would want to in his services because I can not be around my father or mother. I told my dad that he wasn’t welcome to show up at our door in anger, and my husband said the same. This is just deeply upsetting and I wasn’t sure if anyone may have any advice. Thank you