My wife took her life Jan 2nd this year. I’m trying to figure out how to move on. We were best friends and married for 27 years. I know she was in mental and physical pain for some time, I’m trying to understand. I’m trying to stay busy but it time like this when I feel very empty. I have great support and the outreach from my family is tremendous support. I feel lost and wonder what or how to find life in the future. We had plans to travel and I was retiring, now what. I found this forum and I appreciate all the words of encouragement. Time moves on somehow.
Hello Bob, my condolences for the loss of your dear wife. Such heartbreaking circumstances - for many the pain of life is just too much, I know because I have had thoughts of suicide my entire life, it's hard-wired; medication has been my only buffer. The pain of losing my partner of 30 years has been a herculean path to finding any peace. I know that Edward would want me to carry on and try to find meaning without him. He never understood my depression and anxiety, and I'm glad he never had to experience those things. I now wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him. I'm glad you have a large support system, there will be moments when even that is not enough. Try as they might, they will fail at times to be a source of peace. Hold tight to what has given you inspiration, meaning, and hope. Sharing your story here at GIC will provide some insight and support. We care about you and what you're going through. Stay strong for the journey. You are in my prayers. ~ Michael
Hi Bob. There is no urgency for you to plan for your future. Don't put any pressure on yourself and don't let others do so either. Just take one day at a time. Give yourself time and leeway to walk this walk of grief. The grieving must take place in order for anything else worthwhile to happen. Our son left us by suicide also, and I know it is a complete loss of hope that takes these lives. We can only do so much for each other, and that is very important, but it is God who makes life meaningful because He is the one who gave us life. We can try to understand, but I know even after the hardest I tried, my son left a note saying he knew we tried to understand. In other words he was telling me that I could have tried but that it was impossible to really understand. I know that is true. He was so tormented and tried to bear up and go on, but he came to a point where all hope was lost. I agree with Michael that it is hard-wired. If a person cannot get the right medications in the right dose and doctors and counseling don't help, the pain becomes too much and they decide to leave here for a better life that is coming through the return of Jesus. Keep on weary traveler, keep on. The light will again begin to appear little by little. We care about you and want the best for you. Chris
