My only daughter died on 7th December 2020 after 11 months of cancer treatment. She was 15. I separated when she was 3 because her dad was a ok guy but very controlling towards me after she was born. My own childhood was unhappy and it took me years to realise that being hit, insulted and humiliated regularly by especially my mum was more than just a strict Catholic upbringing. After separating I created what I think was a happy family consisting of just Allie, me and the cat, and I was proud of myself for having created a happy home against the odds. She was funny, smart and sweet when she wanted to and we shared a silly giggly sense of humour. The cancer diagnosis came during Covid and right from the beginning it was bleak. I thought that things would get easier over time, but they actually seem to be getting worse. I don't want to actively commit suicide but I can't find any joy in living anymore. Thanks for reading.
So sorry to learn of your terrible loss. Things will get better over time, but 3 years is such a short time when you have experienced the loss of a child. We lost our son to suicide on December 8th and I remember how I hated the holidays. I wished I could just sleep through them. There are so many memories that come with these anniversary dates and the holidays. It is so very difficult to lose a child and I know you were very bonded with your daughter as I was with my son. Everything seems to hold a memory. I asked a counselor why I felt like a hundred people died instead of one. He told me that was because Shawn played that many roles in my life. Give yourself more time and be patient with yourself. Things will never be the same again, but by the grace of God, you will be able to continue on and function better day by day-even though it is hard for you to see that there is any improvement. "God is an ever present help in the time of trouble. He cares for you" and I do too. Stay in touch here-there are many people who understand because they have also had devastating losses. We care about and love you, Chris
