When does it get better

I realized (recently) Valerie was very angry and manipulative. I LOVE her! Why does Society F up people so much? My gramma watched the Laurence Welk I'm a pretend X-er hipster freak. I like weird sht. I like abstract weird music and stuff. No one else does. Oh well! I accept that!

 

Fairies planted berries that indeed married into awesome foliage!

 

The STONES were cool! They rock!

 

George, Did you like Meat Loaf, Ron was a fan of his. He passed a week or so ago. I know Ron would have felt bad, and would play his songs all day. I played them for a couple hours. My kids did too. He would play Bat out of Hell, crazy loud, he loved Two out of Three ain’t bad, You Took the Words Right out of my Mouth. Many more. He played them all loud.
I hope you have your car back. Robin

 

More into stuff like Dinosaur Jr. but I can dig his music from when I was a kid listening to Classic rock and all. It sucks how he died. Death is cruel. A year ago I was patting Valerie's back as she was screaming in pain and vomiting up blackish Cancer bile. I don't know me right now. Trying to learn the new world. The new me. It is hard. But I try. Every day I try. And try.. I hate Valerie for leaving me alone and struggling. But it's not her fault really..

 

George, when I first started going to a
grief counselor, I was sobbing , saying
Linda was a really good person, and
desetved better than me. I kept saying that I dragged her down. But, the therapist
pointed out that it wasn't all black and
white. Linda made some bad decisions
BEFORE she met me, and we made bad
decisions together, after we were were
married. Part of healing is that you realize
Valerie had her own issues, which had
nothing to do with you. Glad to see you on
here, George. I've been going to bed early
since the hospital, and woke up early
today to see your late night replies. I'm
also glad that you've been talking with
Savannah. Hope Gary is OK. He would
usually be greeting a new member by
now. Hope we can "talk" later today. Lou

 

P.S. George, I was half asleep when I got on
GIC this morning. It's my fault that your
reply about Valerie was repeated 4 times.
I had tapped it too often. Sorry about that.
"See you later". Lou

 

Went to bed early last night as I have been
doing since the hospital. Just woke up at
almost 6am, my time, and saw your
reply about "more winter to come". As
predicted, we had a major snowstorm
overnight, Fri into Sat. If we're lucky here,
on the northern coast of Massachusetts,
that storm will be it for this winter. Last
year, we had only one storm, and the rest
of the winter was just cold. Guess we'll
have to wait & see what the Groundhog
from Pa. tells us. Did you see the movie,
Groundhog Day, starring Bill Murray?
It was fun, and Linda & I watched the DVD
of it several times. Lou

 

Good Morning all!! Cold here, 0 again, high today will be 23. Only good thing, the sun is shining brightly and the car started. How much snow did you get Lou? We may have gotten an inch, wasn't that much to clean off the car. I don't think it matters much what Mr. Groundhog says, it is always 6 weeks and 4 days of winter left anyway. Ted and I liked the movie Groundhog Day, he was a Bill Murray fan. I lean towards the sappy romantic movies, and old horror movies. TCM was running them yesterday, House of Wax, The Mummy, a few others I didn't watch, just had them as back ground noise while I cleaned, did laundry, puttered around the house. Music is anything from boogie woogie, 60's rock( The Doors, Steppenwolf, Righteous Brothers, etc) when I British Invasion hit after the Beatles, I was in heaven. Deep Purple, Moody Blues, The Animals, Procol Harum, etc). The 70's brought the more hard rock, liked it and metal bands. I also like soulful ballads, and Motown music have some doozies. Ted was a 50's music kind of guy. He did find a group called 2 Cellos, they took rock songs and played them on cellos, he called for me one night to come listen to a song, as soon as I heard it I knew what it was, AC/DC Thunderstruck, trying to convince Mr. Ted it was a rock/heavy metal song didn't take long, found it on Youtube, for him to listen to, he just shook his head, and said I knew everything
Going out for a little bit, need a few items fro Lowe's, stop at the bank, run to the vet and get Miss Kitty's flea medicine. Talk to you all again later. Take care everyone, stay safe and warm. Savannah

 

Good Sat am, Savannah. Woke up late,
around 10am,my time. I was up in the
middle of night, having a snack,and
checking GIC, until I got sleepy & went
back to bed ..The blizzard of high winds
and blowing snow is still going on. I live
near the ocean, and the sea sounds
angry. My apartment bldg is on a street
on an upper level,but people whose
houses are in low lying areas , worry
about flooding. Hope Robin is OK, in
Long Island, NY. She tends to lose power
more than I do. Your movie & song list
made me smile.I recall seeing all the
Vincent Price movies in theaters, when they came out. Linda & I remember
seeing The. Beatles for the first time, on
The Ed Sullivan Show, when they played
cute little love songs, and girls screamed
with joy over the "cutest " of the 4, Paul
McCartney. It's amazing how the band
transformed over the years, some
breaking off and doing singles. You
mentioned The Animals. House of the
Rising Sun is one of my favorite songs.
I play the music video on my Smart
Phone all the time. In the late 60s, I
liked Creedence Clearwater Revival
(CCR). Their songs were in movies about
Vietnam, like Fortunate Son. I also liked
The Band, & its' famous hit, The Weight.
Did you see the movie,The Big Chill? All the
actors are in their early 70s now. It
captured the feelings of a group of
college graduates, after Vietnam, when
they have a reunion at the home of
Kevin Kline & Glenn Close. Linda & I
had the soundtrack, bc we liked all the
songs. Well, you sound busy today.
Nobody is out on the roads here. The
snowplows are struggling to keep up, and
the visibility is poor. I feel blessed to be
in a warm place, with food. If & when the
power goes out, it's usually for only a short
time. I keep the refrigerator closed. Time
for a late breakfast. "Talk" later. Lou

 

Hi Lou; How are you fairing during this nor’easter? I believe I have 15 or 16” so far. Still coming down like crazy. So windy and cold. I’m lucky this time and I don’t want to jinx it but still have electricity thankfully. Teddy needed to go out earlier, I opened my patio door and around 8 am I had at least 10”. Teddy wasn’t happy. I went out to make him a path, it’s very heavy. made a path off the deck and started on the ground. Hands were frozen so I quit. Ted was able to go and that’s all I needed. I hope you’re doing ok and have power and staying warm. I’m watching the snow fall and all the birds at my feeder with Ted under 2 blankets and I have heavy hoodies on.
Take care, stay warm and safe. Robin

 

Thanks for asking, Robin! You seem to
have it worse than I do.. Power never
went off last night. Linda had given me a
battery operated lantern, that I had to use
briefly during last storm. Glad it's
daytime, at least. I can hear an angry
nearby sea, but my street is on an
upper level, so it doesn't flood. Have been
sleeping odd times since hospital. Was up
in night, so I slept 'til 10am today. Saw
George early this am on GIC. Replied to a
fun, nostalgic look at TV shows, movies,
& songs, by my new pal, Savannah. She
was cheerful, & didn't get a storm like we
did. You & Teddy are lucky to have each
other, especially on a day like this! Lou

 

George,

You are TUGW!!!, TU Although you might not feel like the TUGW now, you are doing exactly what you need to be doing to move forward. From reading your messages, although Mr. Grief has you stuck on the bottom of that seemingly never ending roller coaster ride of emotions way too often, there are those days, when that roller coaster slowly begins to climb, drop again, but maybe not all the way to the bottom as it did in the past. All any of us can do is try to move forward each and every day. You do this. Always picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, trying as hard as you can, to get off of Mr. Grief's roller coaster ride.

Being able to express your emotions is such a positive sign, a step in the right direction. Admitting that you hate Valerie for leaving you alone and struggling, even though you know it's not her fault, and being able to share this with us, is a step forward, a sign of better days ahead... Bob wasn't perfect either. I know we've "talked" about this in much earlier posts, months back. (I vaguely remember one of Karen's replies to something I said.) It isn't easy to admit that the one true love of your life, after his/her death wasn't perfect. In some ways, it just seems wrong. However, idealizing our deceased loved ones isn't going to help us move forward. Bob was a very take charge kind of person. He liked to be in control of everything. He loved being able to take care of me, always my protector, always trying to shield me from everything bad in the world. While I loved this super strong part of his personality, at the same time, after he died, I realized that he did way too much for me, always stepping in when things got a bit rough, taking care of them, before I had the chance to learn how to take care of these things for myself. I think I might be starting to ramble, so enough about Bob (for now.) (Whenever I start "talking, in super long run on sentences, not stopping to catch my breath, I think it's a sign that I'm about to ramble, lol...) This became so clear to me as soon as he died, when I had to handle all those time sensitive financial matters that are cruelly forced upon us at the worst possible time. I was barely functioning. Not only was I grieving, just beginning this total heartbreak, but I was also afraid that I wasn't going to be able to be the "grown up," that I needed to be. Surprisingly, I found out that I'm much stronger than I think I am, something that Robin says is true of all of us.

You are much stronger than you think you are too. You are tackling your emotions head on, and this isn't easy!!!, TU!!! I know that Valerie is very proud of you. I think Bob is very proud of me too. WE CAN AND WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!!! As I've said in the past, probably way too many times, but hopefully not at that way past it's expiration date, our name says it all, WE ARE TGW!!! And in many ways, you are leading by your example of courage, strength and determination, even though you have more obstacles in your way than most of us do.

Keep on keeping... (as Gary might say)

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Robin,

I'm so glad you and Teddy are safe..., warm..., wrapped up in two blankets together... Praying that you don't lose your electricity too... I've been thinking about you, so glad to read this update.

As always, sending you and Teddy hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Good to hear you’re doing ok and have power and a light if needed. I have battery lanterns too. I got them out last night just to be ready. Didn’t need them yet, hope not to. Sure would be cold in my house fast if I lost power. I have a fireplace but I’m not sure it’s safe to use. The flue has an issue that Ron checked every year. Afraid I can’t get on the floor to look up the chimney. Wish I thought of asking my son while he was here but I didn’t. I don’t want strangers in my house so it’ll wait and pray I wouldn’t need it. I can just imagine the sea today. I’m very close to the Great South Bay and get warnings of flooding but in the 38 years we’ve lived here it hasn’t flooded once. I do feel so lucky to have Teddy. I saw some of your posts about old tv shows. Ron and I watched a lot of them. On New YeRs we always watched the Twilight Zone marathon and we watched this year too. Gun Smoke, Have Gun will Travel and others. Glad you’re getting some rest and building strength even if it’s different hours. It doesn’t matter. Robin

 

Lou,

So glad to hear you're okay too!!! Praying you don't lose electricity too, but glad you're prepared just in case.

Stay safe, stay warm...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George, it does suck how Meat loaf died, I read he was against the vaccines and masks etc and said if I die I die. I do think he had covid but not sure when. The me that all were is so hard to find. You, were you and Valerie, now it’s you she’s still a part of you. You were together and living a happy life, except of course your kidney diagnosis. You were each a part of the other. A part of you was ripped away in such a painful way. I can’t even imagine watching your loved one suffering like so many on this site have had to go through. And you trying to help Valerie while she was throwing up in horrible pain. My loss was, here one minute gone the next. I’ve been through both ways, I cared for and watched each of my parents suffer. Parents are most definitely a different loss then our spouse but still devastating. You’re pushing through and trying so hard. Hating Valerie for leaving you, but still loving her. A lot of people feel just that, the loneliness is unbearable, so anger comes out. I felt and still feel that losing Ron and being alone has squashed my life. It’s turned into get through this day each day. Retirement plans are gone. But we each try and all of here are in this together. Thankful for every one on this site. Ron still gets me through each day. Sending you love and hugs! I think you need them. Robin

 

Thank you so much Deb, not looking forward to going back out when Ted needs to go again. But we take care of each other all day every day. I could be wrong but I think I might be safe power wise. No idea how I’ll clear my driveway but not thinking about it now. Just doing what I have to.
Take care and send us some warmer sunnier weather if you can. Robin

 

Thank you, Robin. I do feel stronger. But,
one sunny day, I was impatient, bc I had
been stuck inside since the hospital. I
decided to walk downtown. Fell on my
ass on a patch of ice, & thankfully wasn't
hurt. But, it was a stupid thing to do. There
was no one around to help me, and I didn't
even bring my phone. I confessed this
incident to the VNA nurse, who has been a
real support since I was discharged from
the hospital. She pointed out that many
accidents occur, when people are in a
rush. She also said that Linda would've
stopped me from going out, not fully
recovered. She was the more practical one.
Like you & Savannah, I'm glad Linda & I
had a chance to enjoy TV marathons
together. We would also borrow DVDs
from the library, & see The Sopranos and
Mad Men. Lou

 

Good Afternoon Lou, Hope the storm has let up. Roads here are clear, I have a phobia about snow covered roads, won't drive on them, or icy roads.
I did watch Ed Sullivan to see the Beatles. "I Want To Hold Your Hand" I think they opened with. The girls in the audience were going bat poop crazy The Doors had some Vietnam songs, The End, Riders on the Storm. Ted and I went to see Apocalypse Now, Full Metal Jacket, Saving Private Ryan, Platoon. I recognized some of the music. I am not sure why I like war movies/documentaries. I also like true crime shows, about real people. Paranormal shows/movies( until they get stupid like Poltergeist). I even like the hokey Lake Placid, Sharknado movies, they are more comedy than scary. Jaws was scary, as it could really happen, then it got stupid. Some movies do not need sequels. No, never did see the Big Chill. I just saw the Breakfast Club for the first time a few months ago on TCM. I did like Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction", she fit the part. Ted has flash drives with movies he saved, some day I will fire up his computer, pick some movies to watch and veg out. He made me a flash drive with some of my photos I had him scan and save, but his computer is a Windows7, mine a Windows10, the flash drive doesn't work. It worked when I still had my Windows7, tried it a couple months ago, nothing happened.
Sun is still shining here, but it hasn't made it past 20 degrees. Miss Kitty and I had a nap, being out, buzzing around made me tired!! I will close for now, Take care, stay safe and warm "talk" later. Savannah