When does it get better

So how are you doing now? Maybe I missed your post. Just wondering if you are getting out any. I know the weather has been bad. Are the PT and nurse still coming over for you?

 

B, I love to read all about yours and Kenn's garden. It really brings me joy because Jack used to love his garden and fruit trees and reading about your garden brings back so many memories. Unfortunately I had to let his fruit trees and garden die. With the drought in Calif and mostly the water bill and complicated irrigation system I had to let it go. It really sadden me seeing it die with him, but I knew I couldn't take care of it or hire a gardener.
I'm glad you can continue gardening, it really feeds the spirit don't you think so? My front yard was landscaped by him so I do have a memory of his wonderful work and love for making it so beautiful. That I'm able to keep up pretty well and I feel so close to him when I weed, prune and water his works.
And, how's the little puppy, driving you crazy? or crazy with love? Always blessings, Karen

 

Thanks for asking, Karen. We care about
each other & miss each other when we
don't see our posts. I'm getting stronger
& enjoying food again. I was able to
walk downtown on Sunday. It was cold,
but it was nice to finally see the sun
shining & blue skies, after all that gray&
recent snowstorm. I had to walk in the
street, bc the sidewalks weren't plowed.
I was careful, bc I didn't want to return to
the ER. The VNA nurse said I looked
better, but wanted me to use Linda's
shower bench, to prevent possible falling.
The 2 PTs, who come on different days,
do exercises with me, to strengthen my
legs, which were unsteady after the
hospital. I do one strange thing. I'm
exhausted after supper & have to take a
nap. It's very peaceful, & I feel refreshed.
My nap isbetter than my night's sleep,
bc. I sometimes have weird dreams, and
have to sit at the table, have a snack,
& get on GIC. When I get sleepy, I go back to bed. How are you? Been to any wineries
lately?

 

Good morning, Karen
I’m sorry you had to let some of Jack’s things die but I really understand the amount of work it takes and the challenge of irrigation.
The garden is part of my therapy. I feel healthier, connected to something larger than myself when I’ve been playing in the soil. Last year I tended the vegetables and flowers but let the rest of the yard just go wild. Kenn’s impending death and all that required meant choosing where to spend my energy. Even the mowing was put off, much to the dismay of my neighbors. Taking out the sprouts was a sad but necessary task- to every thing there is a season.
Maggie is a handful. She’s growing fast, 34lbs at 19 weeks so she’s on target to be a large dog which means good manners are a must. She’s teething and curious requiring constant supervision and consistency. There are definitely times when I feel overwhelmed. Especially when I want to just sit (and cry.) However it’s forced me to go outside. To notice the stars, the changing season. Many times a day, regardless of the time or weather I don shoes and jackets and take her out to do her thing. I think I could have gotten pretty sedentary if she weren’t here. Fortunately she doesn’t mind the tie out in the center of the yard. It’s the one place she seems to be able to entertain herself for short periods while I garden.
It’s way to early to be up but I’m not sleeping so I thought I’d see what everyone is up to. I don’t stay up on all the posts, sometimes it’s too much emotion to carry, but I try to check in a couple of times a day.
Thanks for your reply to my post and blessings back to you, and to all the GWs today. ~B

 

Good to see you & Karen this am,
Bernadine. My day sucks so far. I have to
have a blood test, but won't be able to do
one of them bc I forgot to fast. My
foggy widower's brain screwed me.
Linda would've reminded me. Lou

 

Ya, it's so hard without out love one. No one to drive us to appts, no one to be there with you, no one for support, no one to remind us. I relied on Jack, now it's me, myself and I and I don't like it one bit.
Don't blame yourself, you've been sick. There is always tomorrow or the next day for blood tests.

 

B, you are a new Mom. It's all consuming now, but when Maggie grows it will get better as I know you know. Since Jack died Rambo is one step behind me all day and I can relate, you just want time to sit and cry.
I hope to plant some strawberries, zinnias and herbs in large pots on my deck this year. I'm a person that can't stay indoors very long even with bad weather. I miss our apples and peach trees -- they were the best.

 

Thanks, Karen. I was in a bad mood this am. I felt so stupid about not fasting. When I got to the lab, I found out I could do
most of the blood tests. The worst that
could happen is that I'd have to do that one
again. It was raining, & a special ride
took me to the lab. The problem was that
it was later, & that's why I ate breakfast. The next time, I'll take a taxi early. I was
planning to treat myself to a seafood
lunch today. The PT texted last night to
tell me when she was coming. I said
sorry, but I'd be out of town. She texted
this am, & said she has to come, as a PT.
I texted back, "OK, I'll be back in time" .
I didn't realize the VNA nurse & PTs
are on a tight schedule. I hope that
when the winter is over, that I can walk
outside, & not see them as often. Lou

 

Bernadine,
I enjoyed reading about your gardening too.. Of course not that Kenn didn’t get to taste the brussels sprouts but the time spent. It was like a breath of fresh air just knowing someone gets to work with the earth and breath in the fresh air. Ron snd I had a garden we worked together and we let it go. Running our business was taking all our time. Since his passing I’ve resurrected it and made it a memorial garden. Nothing big like you have. But it brings me peace and makes me feel better. Can’t wait for spring.
I’ve been off GIC for a while with things feeling overwhelming. But I didn’t see about Maggie. She sounds full of life and energy. What kind is she?
Robin

 

Robin, you & me both about an early
Spring! I pray for no more snowstorms,
and that you won't lose power again. You
had it worse than any of us. Lou

 

Lou, I’m praying we’re done with snow. So tired of it. Yesterday it rained hard all day into the night. I still have snow. I don’t know if I had it worse but it was bad. How I wish Ron was here. But we all want our spouses. Linda, Valerie, Bob, Cheryl, Lizzy, Kenn and all of our spouses that we each miss so much.
Robin

 

Hey Robin,
I think I remember you talking about your memorial garden… with an engine block or something in it, lol?
My proper vegetable garden was carved out just over a year ago so I am heading into my second growing season. Not big but I also have fruit trees and berry bushes here and still enough grass for a puppy to romp.
My cat, Tai died earlier in January, it was quite a blow…..
I had planned on a new dog after my son moved out but with Kenn and Tai it wasn’t good timing.
Enter Maggie. She is a labradoodle from a local family, came to me at 15 weeks old. She and her sister had never been apart so independent play is a foreign concept to her still.
She’s all black, mostly straight lab hair but her little rump and tail are soft and curly. Time will tell what her mature coat will be but she looks very lab. She is quickly outgrowing everything so new collars, toys food have been upsized this last week. I’m loving the company but yes, a little quiet time to grieve… I think that’s why I stay up too late. The rest of the world is sleeping, including Maggie, and I can just breathe. Whew.~B

 

Yes. I think the horrible winter, of being
cooped up inside, made us miss our
spouses even more. I was finally able to
walk outside on Sunday, & see sun &
blue skies, & felt hope for an early
Spring. Lou

 

So glad you got out Lou! Doing stuff is so important. I think I get my car back tomorrow! YAY!

 

Strawberries, Zinnias and Herbs is a wonderful combination, I bet it will look wonderful. ~B

 

Thanks, George! I told PT today about my
walking, & she was impressed & said I
looked better, & not as anxious. I asked
her that if the weather gets warmer, & I
can do more walking, could there be
fewer PT & VNA nurse visits? She
thought so but they have to be careful
that I don't have to return to ER. That's
great about having your own car back!

 

I’m enjoying everyone talking about gardening too. I would gladly give up ice fishing for warmer weather. Winter holds me hostage inside at home more than I get outdoors. I used to plant zinnias in the garden too Karen. I counseled with Cheryl about not putting a garden in last spring right before she passed. Cheryl agreed it was too much and I remember her hugging to console me bc I felt I let Cheryl down. Afterwards I was afraid I was going to have to much idle time so I put in green beans and found some carry over Roma tomato starts. B harvesting Kenn’s Brussel sprouts reminded me of eating Cheryl’s last frozen left over meal. Lou I’m glad you’re feeling better. I have been forgetting to take my antibiotics before having dental work done but they have extra on hand. Thank you for mentioning how I use nature as a metaphor in experiencing Cheryl’s presence. I find it stimulating and healing. A couple of days ago at the bird feeder there was a small cloud of birds flying from the ground up to the feeder. It made me do a double take because I had taken a photo of Cheryl there and it turned out to be a 2 second video. Happy mixed with sad times infinity. I caught a nice meal of fish yesterday at the sacred place. Had to rest up today. I’m going fishing again tomorrow. George glad you’re getting your wheels back. Gary

 

……Cheryl’s last frozen left over meal. That’s a tough one, Gary. I can feel that. ~B

 

Jack planted so many zinnias the summer before he died. Late October when he was home with hospice I went out and picked a large bouquet for him, he was so surprised and happy that they were still blooming. I must carry on his tradition of zinnias. I can't remember is it was zinnias or roses that the earwigs loved to hide in. I think roses.
What kind of fish do you catch Gary?

 

Mainly bluegills and crappie. They don’t get very big. I started microwaving them 30 second intervals in olive oil and seasoning. Easy to cook and doesn’t stink up the house by frying. Sleep tight. Gary