Sudden and unexpected

Gary,

I know the feeling. I feel badly because I haven't read most of the messages that the newest member to our group wrote yesterday. I want to read them and respond to her, but like you, I'm feeling overwhelmed at the moment. I think I need to follow your lead, everything in moderation.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

I like both names, but I'm thinking my idea should be tossed. Let's just say to newbies, "Welcome to the CIC Crew".

 

Thanks Deb. I’ve had the brain of a cold reptile today. Thanks Lou too and everyone else. Hugs and positive vibes to everyone. Gary

 

Gary, my method is to try to reply, in the
morning, ovet coffee, when I'm at my best
I check in with Deb first, bc she writes to
me every day. Lately, I've been doing that
with Karen, too. George does shorter
posts, but I try to answer him later, as well
as you. Funny that women come first! I've
also known them longer than you&others
here.Now, PJ had just joined us from Maine, and all of us are welcoming her.
Try to do it in stages, Gary. Your
meditations are great.

Don't worry, Deb, bipolar disorder is now
the common usage. I just don't like it when
ignorant people point to someone & say
he, or she, IS bipolar, instead of saying
that person has bipolar illness. I am not
my illness. I prefer manic depression,
bc I'm a stubborn "old coot", as Linda
affectionately called me. Sunday should
be great at Kim's Tea Room, formerly
owned by her parents, who are leaving
for Florida, shortly, for the season. We are
likeminded, patriotic, Godfearing people
who are NEVER politically correct. So
refreshing. Hope Steven & Betsy can sit
with me at N's table. Now that N moved
to the city, and works full time, I don't
see him much, but we text. Hope to see
Lorraine on Neck this weekend ( even
though she's married!!), & perhaps
introduce her to Steven & Betsy, bc I
told them about Lorraine, and everybody
else! They've met only Lyle, the hard
drinking beer drinker, Vietnam era vet
& fishing boat captain, who turns 75 on
Sat, & they want to buy him a few beers! L

 

Karen,

You just made me laugh! I "talk" so much, I can't even come up with a short title... It is only one title, not two. However, I like you much abbreviated shortened version much better. So, to all you new members, who happen to read this, Welcome to the CIG Crew.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Gary,

Hope tomorrow is a much better day for you...

Sending extra hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

I totally agree with you. You are not your illness!!! My daughter teaches ADL's to young adults who fall somewhere on the autistic spectrum. They are people who happen to have autism, but so many refer to them as just autistic.

I hope you're well rested from taking it easy this week, and that you get lots of sleep tonight!!! It makes me smile knowing that you'll be having lots of fun for three days/nights straight.

Sleep well...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

I just looked on my calendar and Oct 13th was the day my husband, Jack was admitted into the hospital for a week with cancer. He came home one week later with hospice then died two week later. So, that date for many of us is one we wish not to remember.
You were married 33 years, it's a lifetime isn't it? I'm so sorry for your loss and as I am for all of us going through the journey of hell and wondering what the rest of our lives will be. Take care, Karen

 

Thank you Karen.... It sure is a time of unknowns for us... I can so totally empathize hospitals and palliative care then hospice. I keep replaying those days in my head. I was 21 when I met Valerie she was my whole world; still is but I know I need to move forward.. I do the best I can. That's all any of us can do I think. Take care! Talk to you later!

 

George, I got choked up this Friday am,
when I read your reply to our kind
friend, Karen, when you said Valerie was
your "whole world, and still is". I feel the
same way about Linda. I realized the
other day that she died almost 3 years
ago, but I miss her every day, and cry
every morning before I walk outside. After
I cry, I check in with my friends here, and
the day gets better. As you said, we have to
"move forward", and " that's all any of us
can do". Very movingly said. Thank you. L

 

Thanks Lou! This is so hard for all of us each in our own way from our own perceptions. Reading your words, and the others on here too, is one of the few highlights of my day. I think one of the things I get from the book is how JS has a support network and friends and is always going out, connection and support are so important for healing. Thanks for being there.
Talk to ya later!

 

Good morning everyone. I looked at Facebook widows and widowers last night. There were several people on that site that talked about giving CPR to their spouses and losing them. Just another area of horror of losing a spouse. My morning routine is to set in front of my light and read my devotions. Eat breakfast and do my physical therapy. Then I get on the computer and go to AARP staying sharp games and play them for one hour. Thankfully my brain has evolved from a reptile to a primate this morning. Had a rift with Cheryl‘s sisters over how I divided her estate. When they say the love of money is the root of all evil’s I totally agree. It’s hard to believe how close I was to them five months ago and how separated I feel right now. It’s a long and complex story. But aren’t they all? I’m working on forgiveness and I’m trying to keep the relationships going the best I can without feeling like a doormat. Grief is rarely spoken of among the sisters. I have to realize we all grieve in our own way. and I have to understand how wounded they are too. It’s going to be another dull dark day here today. but tomorrow its going to cool down and clear up. I’m really looking forward to getting out into the woods next week. Sending hugs and peace. Gary

 

It does my heart good to hear that you're
getting a lot out of Jonathan's compassionate book, as is Deb. Gary has
just ordered it via Amazon. My grief
counselor lent me Permission to Mourn,
by Tom Zuba, but I no longer have it. I
decided to buy The Widower's Notebook,
and I'm glad I did. It's on my night table,
and I like to reread certain chapters. As
you know, he actually has some funny
ones. Jonathan went out every night
after his wife's death, bc he couldn't stand
to be alone in his NYC loft. I went out
every night, too, drinking and staying out
later, until I got the flu twice, and became
so depressed a year after Linda's death,
that I had to go to the ER, and then, to a
psychiatric unit, voluntarily. I know I've
told this story on here before, but this
group is very forgiving of repeat stories,
when outsiders, non mourners, are not.
Hope you have a good Friday. Tell me
when you've reached the end of Jonathan's
book! Lou

 

Feel free to repeat away... I'm sure I do... I'm almost finished with the book.
Today's a high stress day for me here.
Peace and love to all!

 

Gary, so sorry about your rift with your
sisters. When I married Linda, neither
my parents, nor my one sister, liked that
I was getting married, bc it ruined the
family dynamic. My sister tried to sabotage my relationship with Linda, and
talked trash about her to our folks, behind
my back. When I found out, I knew what I
had to do. Linda & I "eloped" to Las Vegas,
in our mid-forties, bc we didn't want
these toxic people at our wedding. After
my parents died, I had nothing to do with
my sister, and still don't. We live far away
from each other, so she doesn't even know
that Linda died almost 3 years ago. I
made a choice 25 years ago: it was either
marrying the love of my life, or bending
to the wishes of my parents, who were in
a loveless marriage, and of my younger,
unmarried sister, who could not share in
my happiness. I've never regretted my
decision. Lou

 

Valerie had a sister out of state.
I have absolutely NOTHING to do with her family.
They didn't even care enough she died (except for the sister she talked to) .
And I have no relatives, it is interesting to hear about family dynamics because I don't have any.

 

Boy, we're not alone, George, in our
dysfunctional "family" dynamics. We live
in the real world, not the Hallmark version
of it. Linda was my best ( & only) friend &
family, and I was completely alone and
fell apart. I'm happy for you that you
have a son, with whom you get along, at
least. Lou

 

This is true about my son... he is it and he has his own issues, especially with his mother which makes me extra sad. I'm a total mess today waiting for the 18000JUNK people to take the rest of my useless crap out of this house. Oh why did We acquire so much junk!... It is so depressing looking at the ironing board with it\s cheery pink cover. Not that Valerie or I ironed much... it's just the idea! I'm a mess!

 

Gary,

Money is definitely the root of all evil. When Bob's aunt died (the last one of his aunts on his mother's side of the family), all his sisters seemed to care about was $$$!!!. It divided the family, to the point where relationships were not only damaged, but permanently destroyed. I love the way you're handling the situation with Cheryl's sisters. Forgiveness is so important in order to be able to move forward. Stay strong!!! I hope you're able to maintain your relationships with them, but sometimes depending on the situation, it isn't possible without feeling used and abused.

Enjoy your time in the woods...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB