Sudden and unexpected

I’m glad you could still go out. It’s torrential here. Couldn’t pay me to go in this. Yes our paths seem very similar
George, I’m so sorry about how you were treated by your father and your memories being so sad. My dad taught me how to use a sewing machine. He didn’t know how to sew but knew how the machine worked. Ron and I made a living sewing. I can’t imagine just how terrible it has to be moving without Valerie. Sending you hugs. I didn’t move but I emptied and closed our business. I know it’s hard and full of emotions. She’s with you but in different ways.
Robin

 

George, I must say that your father was
awful to you. If I had a child, I wouldn't
think of using a belt as punishment. That's
cruel & sadistic. My guess is that his father
did that to him, but that's no excuse.When
he punished you over sewing,he may have
had some issues with masculinity. You are
the better man. Lou

 

I don't want to give such a one-sided picture and dis the man I don't really remember. He was in the army. I thought you needed to sew in that! He worked for the railroad. I remember riding in locomotives. That was da good thing. Corporal punishment was a big thing in that generation I though. I don't know. I just want to perk up today. I'm pretty depressed

 

Thanx Robin... I don't want top give the impression about my father too much cuz I don't really remember much. Just the bad/violent/angry stuff stands out. I think he had a temper. The reality of moving is really hitting me. It could be in less than 20 days! I'm freakin'! Emotional roller-coaster for sure!

 

George, I know how hard it is to move and
to make decisions without your soulmate next to you. Looking back, I was a zombie,
when I got this apartment. It was
difficult to look the landlady in the eye.
But, I had no choice, When the place was
being painted, she asked what was
important to me, and I said new Windows,
with screens & Venetian blinds. I'm so
glad I spoke up,George,bc I can look out
the windows,with pride. Lou

 

It just hit me how overwhelming this is. I think we found a place. Just need to be patient and get there. Maybe less than 20 daze or so... or if not then something else will come up. I am not going to worry. Even tho TB will and does! My best friend is gone. It's hard to work up the energy to care sometimes.

 

Windows are great! I agree!

 

Lou, Thank you so much for that. In a way I feel like I’m shutting down. I know better. Today is so miserable out it’s getting to me. Wed and Thursday I was outside most the day doing things to prepare for winter and I felt much better then today. Trying to push myself to move and get my blood flowing. I’ll be ok, testy today but that’s ok. I can’t handle noisy places or people either especially since Rons passing. My brothers step grandchildren are over the top for me. Plus people like those loud women. Nope. Can’t do it.
I’m right there with you about songs making us cry. I had been playing music at home but not happening today. Veterans Day is a somber day and I feel so ma g people just feel it’s a day off. That’s sad.
Thank you for offering support. I’ll try to keep posting. I am having trouble with the site again though.
Just had a smile. A man walking his dog and the dog was wearing a
raincoat. Teddy won’t go out. Don’t blame him.
I’m glad you have a place to be for Thanksgiving. Kim is a very giving and special person. This is the worst time of year for me. Rons passing and the holidays. But I’m trying. Thank you! Enjoy your day and dinner tonight. Robin

 

So sad, your father was the way he was, mostly sad for you as a little boy growing up with violence. You've come through, keep on truckin.

Your here, we're here, for you. Maybe someone will crack a joke and get you laughing. It works for me. Praying for that perfect buyer for your home so you can get on with moving and starting a "new". Karen

 

No worries. You were very young. Can’t remember much from that age. But it’s sad what you’re remembering are difficult times. You’re in a difficult head space right now. Needing to move without Valerie. Tough stuff.

 

George, a friend once told me after she had a tragic death of her child. "There is a rainbow after a storm".

 

Thank you for understanding. We all are in tough places loosing our soulmates and best friends and stuff. Just need to keep trying I guess to pretend to feel better sometimes. Then at least your brain is ion positive mode. Thanks Robin!

 

Just so hard to think of it when you are in the midst of a hurricane. That's where patience comes ion I think. Just gotta wait! Waiting sux!

 

Too bad our losses of our soul mates brought us all together. It’s nice we have each other thigh. And people who understand.

 

Yes it sure is. Especially when you really don't have much social interaction anymore

 

Hi George, yes , I believe Valerie wants you to be happy, my
Jack would whisper many times “Patti, are you ok,” when I recall
his words, I talk to him ,telling him “ I’m okay.” I feel in my
heart our loved ones are with us each and every day in spirit.
I am keeping you in prayer ,for your apartment coming up,
abundance of strength, like I said before, you have, are, and will
get through those difficult times.yesterday poured rain, God let
the sun shine in my heart remembering only Jack and my
Happy memories together. Please take care of yourself, keeping
you in prayer along with ALL others here. Blessings, Patti

 

Thank you for such sweet and kind words. They bring me warmth!

 

I don’t know who I could bounce my feelings and emotions off now since my brother moved back to Florida other than TGW. I don’t feel emotionally safe in AA meetings anymore. I only go where I feel safe and there is one meeting like that. This is by far the best human interaction possible for me. My therapist canceled our last appointment because she was sick. She’s never called me back and I’ve never rescheduled. I don’t feel the need anymore. She was kind sympathetic and had an interest in my wellness. But I get that every day on GIC with TGW for free. And I feel safe and accepted here. Robin the weather really affects me too especially those dark dull rainy days. I kind of brace myself knowing I’m going to have a day of mourning. The worst for me is the middle of December. But I can celebrate on December 21 because that is winter solstice. Daylight hours begin to increase. Merle haggard had a song “if we make it through December things are gonna be all right I know”. George my dad was a heavy drinker until I was three years old. Then he got sugar diabetes. The drinking stopped but he turned into a Rageaholic. He was cold distant and angry most of the time but he was a good provider. Until I read the book “the five languages of love” I didn’t think my dad loved me. I wanted to receive words of affirmation from him. But his love language to me were gifts. Like an expensive fishing pole or squirrel gun. He didn’t have the ability to say he loved us. He was never taught that. When I was with my uncle (dad‘s brother) several weeks ago I asked him if they were ever told by their parents they were loved? and he said no never! Toxic shame is the physical and verbal abuse we received which had no merit. In my family it has been passed down from generation to generation. Like you at least we had good mothers. Did you ever get on the aaarp.org and play “staying sharp games?” That will distract your mind for a while. Think about getting an exercise bike or a treadmill when you get into your apartment. Lou I hope you’re having a better day now. Did you ever hear the song by Eric Burton “when I was young?” Hugs to everyone. Gary

 

Oh yes! Eric Burden I know that. Thanks for the kind words of support. Today is just so yuckly and I'm just freaking out knowing I'll probably moving so soon. I don't know how much impact my father had cuz he died when I was so young. Probably in the subconscious level a lot. Probably why I've felt messed up most of my life. I really don't remember those years a lot. I have to check those games out still. I know a walk would help today but that wind is insane. Definitely getting an exercise bike' and cat when we move! Hugz bak!

 

Robin,

First sending you a big hug... No need to ever apologize for not being around all the time. Stuff happens!!! What about contacting Karyn Arnold again? I had to contact her at least three times during the reboot. Today has been a tough day for me too. I didn't sleep much last night and felt glued to the bed again. I finally forced myself to get up at 9 a.m., and made myself eat something even though I wasn't really hungry. I've been struggling so much lately. I know some of it has to do with the 7th month anniversary of Bob's death falling on Veteran's Day, the combination of both of these things left me stuck at the bottom of that seemingly never ending roller coaster ride of emotions. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must be for you as the third year anniversary of Ron's passing will be here so soon... I know all of TGW will be here for you if you need/want to "talk." It makes me teary eyed just thinking that in five months, it'll be the first year anniversary of Bob's death... I think when that day finally arrives, I'm going to need an entire case of tissues... I HATE!!! for you, for all of us, that we can no longer just be happy... I HATE!!! that happiness will always be mixed with sadness... It just SUCKS!!!

My son and I are going to explore three barrier islands in Georgia during the holidays. I made hotel reservations for us to stay on one of them yesterday. The three islands are within a short drive of each other. We'll probably rent bikes one day, do lots of hiking, and probably spend some time sitting by the water, even though it'll be way too cold to swim. I decided to skip the holidays, no cards, no cooking, no baking, no tree, no decorations... I'll probably hang a wreath on the front door, but that's about it. I was so sad this morning... I decided to start my Christmas shopping online. I enjoy shopping for my children. However, as I was shopping for them, I found a few things I knew Bob would have loved. The floodgates opened... I couldn't stop crying.

I skipped lunch and around 1 p.m., made myself get off the couch, and hit the pavement. I stopped to help a woman who was involved in an car accident. Luckily no one was hurt!!! Her cell phone was damaged, so I let her use mine. She wasn't able to reach anyone to pick her up. The tow truck arrived, and the driver offered to give her a ride to her boyfriend's house. I was about 4 miles from home, and it would have taken me about an hour to walk back to get my car, or else I would have taken her to his house.

Miserable weather always seems to make me feel even more miserable. I'm glad that where you live tornadoes are rare!!! I hope tomorrow is a bright day, filled with sunny day,sunshine... , and you and Teddy get to spend some quality time together in your yard. Fresh air and sunshine always seem to make everything at least a bit better.

If I don't "talk" to you later tonight, I hope you're able to get some quality sleep...

Sending you and Teddy many more hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB