Sudden and unexpected

I can't take credit for any service! Sorry. My father fought in the Pacific in WWII. I was in between military events. But have always had an interest in military history though. My lottery number was being born in the mid 60s and grew up through the 70s! During desert storm I was waiting for TB to come out! Getting lottsa deep dish pizzas and ice cream for Valerie! That movie sounds pretty cool. When I can watch stuff again itz on the list. Take care! N"Lakech!

 

Gary, after reading your eloquent post
today, I think you, George, and I should
be the THREE Godfathers! You are
writing better than you ever did. I like the
way you address TGW individually, by
name. I miss Stacey, too, but I know she's
still around bc she put a " like" on one of
my posts or replies. I also like your
thorough comments about Jonathan's
book. Just came home from a very
moving Veterans Day event at the
American Legion. I stood alone, at first,
and lost it, when I heard our National
Anthem & heard a veteran play TAPS
on his bugle. I saw the brave veterans
with their hands on their hearts, and I
did the same. But, when I heard TAPS,
I thought of Linda, in addition to the
deaths of the valiant soldiers. I made sure
to go over to my pal, Roger, 92, & to
tell him he looked great standing next to
the flag representing his branch of the
service. I'm going to walk down to the
Neck, to see people. It's important that I
not be alone today. Lou

 

Patti,

As always, it's so good to see you here. When I read that you enjoyed the country music awards, it made me smile, big time... I also know it would make Jack smile big time too... It's the first time I've smiled today. Thank you so much for sharing some good news with us. I will never take a smile for granted again, TU!!! I hope you have at least one, but hopefully lots more than one reason to smile today...

Sending you and your fur baby (Jaycee?, still stuck in that widow foggy brain mode) lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Morning, Deb! Good to see you talking
with Patti about Country Music. I enjoyed
talking with George & Gary, my brothers
in mourning. I brought up Veterans Day,
and we had a lively discussion. Went to
very moving ceremony next to Legion
hall, outside, across from Back Beach. I
stood alone at first, and cried through
the National Anthem, when I saw my
buddies in their military dress. I lost it
again 2 more times: seeing Roger, with
his flag representing his branch of
service, and when a Vietnam vet played
TAPS. I thought of Linda's death as well as
the deaths of our brave soldiers. I went
over to Roger to tell him how good he
looked, and he smiled. Then, Ann, who's
married to Bill, a Marine Vietnam vet,
saw me choke up. We had a long talk & she
told me about their daughter who had
died of cancer. She had met me last Sat,
when I told her about Linda. I told Ann
she reminded me of Linda. Ann said I was
a great man, and that she admired me.
She said Bill was a good man, but more
reserved than I am, I joked that when
Linda & I watched a sad movie, I was the
one who was a crybaby, and we all
laughed . Lou
.

 

Lou,

I'm getting here so late again today, partly because I'm still experiencing issues with my chrome book, but also because I've been struggling so much lately. Not only is today Veteran's Day, but also it's the seventh month anniversary of Bob's death. Today is especially painful for me because I believe that Bob died as a result of having served in the military. I'm going to stop here because we're "talking" on such public site.

I can't stop the tears.... thinking about how much he was looking forward to retirement, thinking about the plans we had for the future... thinking about how sad he was when he had to go out on disability, thinking about all the pain and suffering he had to endure, refusing to give up, wanting to believe that all of his chronic health conditions could be managed with drugs... Whenever I think about this, I feel like my heart has been ripped in half again... I can't stop crying because I know under that tough, stoic exterior, he was just as scared as I was... I know he was trying to protect me, to take care of me the best he could... right up until the end. He didn't want to leave me... It breaks my heart that he fought so hard, refused hospice care, thinking that if he accepted this kind of help, it would have meant he had given up. He didn't want a hospital bed, and it was only a couple of months prior to his death that he finally told me I could ask his primary care doctor to order one. The day that hospital bed arrived, was one of the saddest days... Although he wouldn't talk about it, I believe with all my heart he knew that he wasn't going to be "on the right side of the dirt" much longer... I can't stop the tears...

I want so much to make Bob proud of me. Today I made hotel reservations for the trip my son and I are taking over the holidays. I think you gave me the best advice when I first mentioned traveling for the holidays. I agree with you, I think a change of scenery might be just the the thing I need to keep me from sinking any deeper into this cold, dark hole that I can't seem to climb out of. There are so many pretty places for my son and I to explore.... We want to spend a day on each one of the islands. We'll probably rent a couple of bikes. While I'm looking forward to spending time with my son, it's going to be so bittersweet...

My chrome book needs way more than a hit of caffeine, TU!!! I'm so sorry, I'm going to have to end this. I'm glad you went to the Legion for the ceremony this morning. Veteran's Day ceremonies always make me cry... So much more I want to say... A TBC if I remember...

I hope the rest of your day is tear free, and you are enjoying spending time on the Neck (even though it's so deserted now), surrounded by the ocean... and have met some interesting people to talk to.

I'm going to try, but I'm not sure I'll be able to make it back here tonight.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Just a quick hello, Deb. I will read your
post later. I told Ann at Legion, about
GIC, TGW, and specifically you. I hoped
you could visit here someday. It's cold on
Neck, so I'm drinking tea in Adam's
computer store. He tells me I'm old,
and I give him the finger. Then, we both
laugh. Talk tonight. Lou

 

So much of how Bob felt at the end Jack did too. Even home with hospice Jack had hope that the drugs and doctors would somehow save him. Every time the phone would ring he hoped it was the doctor with good news. I never saw him cry, he was so brave not to show me sadness for my sake. I could go on and on, but to let you know so much of what Bob went through Jack did too, they were fighters until the end. I'm pretty emotional reading your story.

Deb, you will be making a "new" memory on the holidays with your son. Just think how happy Bob would be knowing you are with your son climbing out of your hole, experiencing a newness life has to offer for you. Can I go with you? Maybe this will be a tradition. Time to get out of your Christmas box and fly to a "new" adventure. Blessings, Karen

 

Deb, finally read your very sad post about
Bob's last days on earth. I'm so sorry, and
I know your regrets only too well. I was
even more of a mess than you, 6 or
7 months after Linda's death. I knew I
would probably cry at the ceremony
today, but I wanted to be with Roger on this day. I feel terrible that Bob served,
only to suffer later. Try to talk to us on
GIC. I just have one phone call from my
eye doctor tonight, and I will ask him about my one week long black eye. Lou

 

Karen, thank you for reaching out to Deb
today. Veterans Day brings a special, sad
memory of Bob, who died more recently
than our Jack and Linda. When the
two of you recalled the courage of your
husbands,I remembered when Linda's
cancer doctor called Linda's favorite nurse
at the rehab unit to tell her the bad news
that her breast cancer had spread. The
doctor had called me beforehand, and I
rushed to be by Linda's bedside . She
looked at me, and her nurse, Alice, & said,
" I'm stubborn, and will fight this thing". I
hugged her in front of the nurses and 00000
actually believed she would make it. When
I saw her collapse in front of me, and die
suddenly from a pulmonary embolism
soon after, I never felt so much indescribable anguish. That began 6 months of PTSD,constantly going over
my last moments with her. It took stays
in a psychiatric unit, and then, meeting
with a grief therapist, to function. Now, 3
years later, I want to do more than just
function.........Lou

 

I can’t imagine what it was like to go through what Karen and Deb experienced and all the rest of TGW. Cheryl‘s death only lasted 56 hours. I also like what Karen said with the help of Deb’s son she can crawl out of the dark hole. And then encourage Deb to start putting Christmas ornaments up. Thanks Karen for helping us focus on the solutions. Virtual hugs to both of you. By talking about it I think we spread the trauma out so others can absorb some. I played dreamboat Annie by heart today. I substituted Cheryl‘s name for Dreamboat Annie and had a good cry. Lou I was deeply moved by your experience at the Veterans Day memorial. I don’t have a clue what being in the military was like. Our soldiers made the ultimate sacrifices so we can enjoy a flavor of freedom they would never see. I’m Too emotional to talk anymore. Gary

 

Gary, Cheryl's death was quick, I don't know what would be worse experiencing a quick death or one like Jack's slow to come. His cancer progressed in one year and during that year we had hope for recovery. Then two weeks before surgery to remove the tumor in his hip they found out the cancer had spread to his throat is why his voice was gruff for months. I keep wondering how a cancer in a hip can travel all the way up to one's throat. Does it go through the bloodstream, I should of asked the doctor.
I'm sorry I started this conversation since you are emotional and I'm sure reading this doesn't help. Sorry. It's an emotional day for our veterans and for us too. Keep Upright as one of my old friend told me when things got down and out. So, "Keep Upright". karen

 

Lou, I really liked your last sentence, more than just function. It gives me and all of us here, that are under 3 years, HOPE. So, there may be a light through the tunnel after all??????? Karen

 

Thank you for answering me, Gary. I
understand why you are too emotional to
talk right now. I didn't expect to cry in
front of Ann, a woman I had met only once or twice. But, it was good to let it out. It was more of a case of not being able to speak,
and choking back tears, rather than
sobbing. After the event, I had lunch
downtown, by myself, and checked in with
GIC on my phone. Then, I wanted to visit
a friend who owns a shop. I had a cup of
tea with him and had my first laugh of the
day. Lou

 

Karen, you've been a true Florence

Yes, Karen, I'm certainly more able to
handle my grief. But, certain situations,
like the Veterans Day ceremony, with the
sorrowful playing of TAPS, can open the
floodgates. I knew the ceremony might
do that, bc when I went to a Legion band
concert at the end of summer, I got
choked up when the conductor asked us
to rise for the Stae Spangled Banner. I lost
it when I saw veterans,my friends, put
their hands on their hearts. I felt proud to
be among these brave men, but angry
at unpatriotic "Americans" . I really
missed Linda today. She never knew these
men, but she would have liked & admired
them, and I know they would have liked
her. Lou

 

P.S. Karen, I cut myself off. I meant to say
you've been a true Florence Nightingale
to our friends Deb and Gary in their hour
of need. You are doing this unselfishly, in
spite of your own terrible grief for Jack.

 

Lou, you are so sweet, I don't think of myself as a Florence Nightingale, but I'll take the compliment.

I just poured myself a glass of wine thinking of your words, "I want to do more than just function". Yes. I hope this will reach everyone on this site with hopes for a future. Please post that phrase again and again. Thank you, K

 

Thanks, Karen. Sometimes these phrases
pour out of me, like when I came up with
The Grief Warriors ( TGW) or the now
legendary "Laugh My Sad Off", which was
a typo, but Gary & Deb ran with it. I did
that today, after the sad Veterans Day
ceremony, when I visited a store owner,
and we made each other laugh. At the
risk of being a nag, Karen, I urge you to
stop at one glass of wine, especially if
you're drinking alone. As you know, I
had to give up drinking bc of extreme
depression. I'm worried about you, now
that your arm is finally healing! Lou

 

I knew you would comment and rightly so on my glass of wine. I'm fully aware of my mistake and I thank you for your caring concern. I really do. I paid the price, big time. Thank you Lou

 

Thanks Karen but no need to apologize. I need to learn how to feel and experience my emotions. all people are suffering in one way or another. I need to be reminded why I am free. You and Lou are cranking out some wisdom tonight. Keep upright and do more than just function is our new battle cry. I just finished the chapter of “what I knew” in the widowers notebook. It is so similar to Cheryl’s cardiac arrest followed by 2 days in the hospital. I knew Cheryl wasn’t going to make it. when I left for the hospital I thought about taking Cheryl’s phone but I didn’t. I knew. I still had hope but I knew. What keeps playing back in my mind is while I was performing CPR on Cheryl she had the most peaceful look on her face. Tonight I noticed a picture of Cheryl when she was four years old that sits on the dresser. The little girl has the same peaceful look on her face the only difference is her eyes are open. This is sad but very beautiful. Lou I am honored that you would bring me up to the rank of co-godfather of GIC. but I respectfully decline. You are light years ahead of me. Lou you are the GIC godfather and Karen you the GIC godmother. At least that’s what the polls reflect tonight. thank you both. Gary

 

You're welcome, Karen! Your responses
are so quick, that it feels almost as if we're
talking on the phone. I care about you and
everyone here. I worry when I don't hear
from someone in a while, like Stacey. Lou