Sudden and unexpected

Lou,

I'm so sorry I'm getting here so late... I was okay this morning and this afternoon, but and this is another one of those BIG BUTS!!!, almost as soon as I got in the door, I saw the two pictures of Bob and I that I keep the living room, and I burst into tears... I've been crying on and off all day, and am still crying... I'm just too emotionally and physically wrung out to "talk" much. I hope you had a much better day than I did, TU!!! Speaking of TU, whenever you quote me and say this, it makes me laugh. Thank you so much for making me laugh tonight!!! Laughing is always a great thing, another one of those TUs!!!

Unfortunately, I didn't get enough sleep last night, so I'm going to put away my chrome book, and mindlessly watch the tube until I (hopefully) can fall asleep. It would be much better if I read something instead, but with the way I'm feeling, I don't think I would be able to retain much. So, it's mindless TV tonight...

Wait, before I go cuddle up under my bereavement blanket, and make a cup of hot tea, have to tell you one more thing. I don't think you'll have any trouble dating. Just be yourself, no matter what, treat every woman as you would treat a friend, and I think you're going to be just fine, TU!!! (my last one for tonight). Sort of like riding a bike, once you can do it, you never forget how. Now I'm going to make that tea... I wish I had a new plumbing system!!! (I didn't say it but thought it). Sorry, a little too much TMI...

Sleep well...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

DEB SENDING YOU GREAT BIG HUG.
COUNTRY AWARDS ARE ON ABC
FROM EIGHT TO ELEVEN TONIGHT.
LOVE YOU, PRAYING FOR YOU AND
ALL OF US HERE. PATTI

 

WE be the two Georges for sure !!
Thanks man I'm hopeful things work out but if they don't something else will. I'm done with stressing on everything. I don't know what happened but the last 7 or so daze have been like a mellow bomb hit me. I guess persevering in mindfulness and chasing away the cognitive distortions is helping. But as always itz just a day at a time and don't think about catastrophes and what ifs. I was reading my journal from the last time we moved 17 years ago with Valerie. It was heavy and thought provoking. And it seems like yesterday but it was 17 freaking years ago! We were so young and clueless! I can taste hose days of hot sun September looking at houses Valerie so cute in her new sandals! Just had her 40th BDay and took her to see mariachis at Lalo's and we got them to sing Happy Birthday Mariachi style and got fried iced cream...
Thanks fer listenin, my friend. N'Lakech!!!

 

Sending special LveVibes yer way!
N'Lakech!!!

 

Thanks for your funny reply just now, I emerged, like a turtle, from my warm
covers after sleeping from 6:30 to 8:30pm
tonight. It's bc I woke up super early this
am, to take my weekly Fosamax, which
helps strengthen bones & helps prevent
osteoporosis. This is a byproduct of my
Celiac Disease. As the master would say,
"TMI!!!", also one of Linda's favorite
expressions. I've been thinking of her
funny phrases, at odd times, with a sad
smile ( usually in the am,before I walk
outside). I plan to join the Veterans at
the Legion tomorrow at 10:30am for
coffee, before the 11am ceremony, A
Vietnam vet will play the bugle. I'll try
not to lose it when he plays,TAPS. At the
end of the summer, I went to see the
Legion band, play at sunset, across from
Back Beach. It was incredibly moving.
When the conductor raised his baton &
asked us to stand for the National
Anthem. I was OK until I saw these brave
veterans of different wars, put their
military hats on their hearts.I choked up,
but, thank God, didn't sob. N.is working
tomorrow unfortunately, but Roger will
be there, God willing. Liked your bike
analogy about dating. I haven't been on a
bike, in ages, so I might be a bit wobbly,
and ask for "training wheels". My
training wheels would be you, Deb, and the other women here! Pleasant dreams. Glad
you're "off the grid" tonight. Lou

 

Hi George,
Want to tell you how amazing you
are, all that you have accomplished ,
I could not imagine myself doing
all you have done in preparing to
move. Was happy to hear all went
good on your vehicle. Sorry to you
an all GICW here that I haven’t
been able to keep updated on my
reading everyone’s postings, as I so
would like to do. Claiming and hope
I will be able to soon. Please take care
of yourself, I use the deep breathing
when needed, it really does help.
God bless you and all GICW.
Hugs to all.
Patti

 

Thank you, Patti. I like some of the older
Country Music stars. Some of the new
stuff isn't really country. I also think most
of the old school singers are the most
patriotic Americans among us. As I told
Deb, even though not a veteran, I plan
to walk to our American Legion post in the
morning, to join the veterans for a bugle,
gun salute, and prayer. God Bless, Patti.
Good to see you on here, as always. Lou
,

 

George, your story of you& Valerie, reminds me so much of the chapter in
Jonathan's book, when he talks about
their young love, when they first met,
and how they were playing grown up.
The sketch that Jonathan drew of them,
said it all. Lou

 

Oh Lou, your posting really was heartwarming
as always, especially speaking of our veterans.
Lou, I seldom watch tv, there really isn’t much
that interests me. Absolutely no news. Like
the ice skating competitions. Friend called
from calif to let me know this was on tonight.
Good country singing, I am enjoying it this evening.
Jack wasn’t a fan of country singing when we met
but that quickly changed, Don Williams wrote
and sang several of our favorite songs. Just
recently I have been listening to them, no tears, but
a heart full of love remembering listening to them
together. It’s to rain heavy here tomorrow.
I think about you, all here everyday and keeping you
and all in my prayers. I thank each and everyone
here for helping me in moving forward.
Blessings love to all. Patti

 

About to go to bed, and saw your kind
words, Patti. Thank you. Linda & I had
CDs of Patsy Cline, Willie Nelson, and
Johnny Cash. We went to see Trisha
Yearwood, Bonnie Raitt, and Ray Charles.
Although Charles wasn't considered
Country, he did have a few Country songs.
His rendition of "America", was moving.
We also went to blues clubs and saw
BB King. After Linda died, I couldn't
listen to ANY song, without sobbing. Now,
I can watch videos of my favorite singers
and not cry anymore. We also had CDs of
Frank Sinatra. I like the slow, sad ballads,
like "Cycles". The words speak to me. Lou

 

George, I’m sure you told Valerie that you loved her when you left for dialysis. But she knew and still knows, whether you said it in words or not. I struggle with the fact that I didn’t tell Ron I loved him when he yelled I love you Robin. But he knew I loved him and we told each other so many times every day. Why I didn’t at that moment, I’m not sure, but I did expect him to be ok. All our spouses knew.
Gary, I also love your boots story, cleaning them and your memory of your last hike with Cheryl, and how the benches carry special memories. Ron and I visited a wildlife refuge often, as a family with our kids and alone. I go there with my daughter and we reminisce of all our visits there and also like you mentioned, resting on the benches.
Just writing about that, made me smile. I had a rough day today. And this memory helped. One week from today, it will be 3 years since that horrific night and I’m reliving so much these past few days. Happy memories help and bring those tears.
Going to try to get some rest, Robin

 

Thanks Patti!
So glad to hear from you. You positive vibes are awesome to me! It encourages me to hear that I'm doing good stuff, it is so hard but what else can I do. Valerie would want me to be happy. I so don't want to be happy because then thatz betraying her... I know thatz totally not true! Itz the irrational side of the grieving mind for you!
Take care and N'Lakech! Much peace and love. Thinkin' of You!

 

Yes! I loved that part! And his drawings are so good!
I'm still reReading TWN itz cool how libraries pretty much give you as long as you want with a book now. I agree with you about the new country type music. Itz just rebranded flashy (to me!) generic southern rock. Give me Lynryd Skynryd, Johnny Cash, Allman Brothers, or Hank Williams Sr!

 

Valerie liked Hank Williams and Bob Dylan. She was more into TeeVee than the tunes!

 

Morning, George! I agree with you and
Valerie. I like all those musicians.
I'm walking over to the American
Legion this morning for coffee at 10:30,
even though I'm the only non veteran
( high number in the draft lottery, during
Vietnam). I came to their open house
coffee 4 months after Linda died, when I
moved to this town, broken & alone. I
was welcomed bc of my support for our
military. I formed an immediate bond
with Roger, 92, Korean War vet, whose
wife died, after 67 years of marriage, He is
a sociable, funny guy who goes to a coffee
shop with friends every morning. I look
forward to drinking coffee with Roger
every Sat am. I choked back tears when he
talked about his dear wife. Like you, I felt
very guilty that I was enjoying life and
laughing with friends, when Linda is no
longer with me physically. But, now, I keep
Linda's spirit alive by telling people some
of the funny things she said, Roger does the
same thing, and we make each other
laugh, I feel that by talking about Valerie,
& even showing the photo of you
together, you are also keeping her spirit
alive. Deep down, George, we know that
Valerie and Linda wanted us to be happy.
Lou

 

Yes Yes and Yes! They would want us to be happy. Valerie literally said that was all she cared about in one of her last lucid moments! Thatz so cool how you can interact with the veterans at TAL. I think most people forgot about Korea. I didn't. My father fought in the Pacific in WWII. I am fascinated by some of his old pictures. During the Occupation of Japan.
It's so important to keep their souls alive in our hearts.
N'Lakech! Lou!

 

Thank you, George. It is really good to have
you and Gary as friends, as well as fellow
widowers. We are very much alike in some ways. My father served in the Army, in
the Pacific, also, during WWII. Back then,
when our country was being attacked,
most men were drafted, or enlisted. It was
considered a "good war" against evil and
world domination. Before Linda went into
the hospital, she made me promise to try
to be happy if anything happened to her.
She also took me by surprise, by saying
she didn't want me to be alone, and to
find another woman. As I told Gary, Deb,
& others, I'm not actively seeking another
woman. Like Jonathan, I don't want to get
married again. But, if a woman came to
town, from Boston, and liked the small,
seaside town in which I live, I would
consider a companion, with whom to
share walks, meals, laughs, and dare I
say it, hugs. Lou

 

Wow! Valerie said the same thing. If she died I should get reMarried! This was way before any of the cancer stuff. It's raw and windy and the leaves are flaying down in the rain. I'm reading old journals and eating oatmeal. As a student of history I was always fascinated by WWII. My father died when I was 6 so that was my introduction to grieving at a young age. Valerie's death has brought out the heaviness of all my other losses. Either through death or life circumstances. Still think I'm feeling strong. Hope it continues! Glad to have you as a friend and Gary too and all TGW!

 

Thank you, George. Have to go out the
door now, to join the vets. Glad we have a
cool. crisp, but sunny day. The sound
of the bugle and guns, should be moving,
along with the National Anthem. Talk
later! Lou

 

What a great feeling it is to look at the GIC site and feel all the positive vibrations from TGW. George you’re on fire. Did you ever watch the Mel Gibson movie Jaguar? It is about the Mayan empire and it had lot of brutal sacrifices killings in it. When a warrior was defeated and death was certain his opponent would always tell him to travel well. Travel well from this life into the afterlife. I found a more meaningful spirituality with primitive mythology than anywhere else. George were you in Desert storm? Thanks for your service brother. Lou and I are alike. I got a high draft lottery number. I just read the chapter about Jonathan and Joy getting together as a young couple also. In the front of the book Jonathan talked about missing the conversations with Joy of the daily events of what they thought their mundane interactions. I feel the same way. I don’t have Cheryl do bounce my thoughts off and get her feedback. Patti very good to hear from you. Deb I’m sending you extra hugs I know you need them and just keep trying girl. When Cheryl passed I was functioning on about 2 to 3 hours of sleep a night for a month. My blood pressure and heart rate spiked. I felt like I could drop dead at any moment. Robot mode kept me going. I had to settle the estate as quick as I could the best I could. I felt like I was consulting Cheryl spirit regarding decisions. Robin you know some of those special nature hikes almost seem like a portal to connect with Cheryl. The first three or four years Cheryl and I were together she took a lot of photos from a camera on all the hikes. I don’t have the courage to look at all of them yet. One photo that stands out in my mind is our shadow together on the snow. I do plan to relive them hikes someday. Stacey I hope you’re doing OK. We miss hearing from you. With the storm approaching I decided to go into Kendallville and get supplies. They were already playing Christmas songs. I don’t mean to bring any negative energy to TGW today. Keep on trucking everyone. Gary