Sudden and unexpected

Hey, Stacey! You're not alone!!! I emailed
Karyn Arnold for help, bc I thought I was
being kicked off GIC. I took it personally, and thought I had done something wrong.
Karyn told me that this site was being
rebooted. Well, it turns out her technician
underestimated the time of completion. I
discovered that Robin was having the
same frustrating time. When I tried to
reply to other people, I was told that "the
page was not found" or to check to see if
I had the correct URL. Maddening.I emailed Karyn AGAIN. I finally got to
"talk" with my close friend here, Deb, &
she's going to email Karyn, too. Karyn's
email address: Karyn Arnold
karnold@griefincommon. com
Please hang in there, Stacey. After all, I
did find out your real name, and that of
your husband, Mark. Lou

 

Robin, you've been wonderful and a true
leader, during the rebooting "crisis". It
may seem silly to outsiders to call it a
crisis, but for me, with my insecurities,
loneliness. and manic depression, it was.
I'm a "darkest before the dawn" type of
guy. When I was finally able to answer you,
Deb, Stacey, & others, this morning, it
gave me such a lift. I'm not sure what I'd
do without The Grief Warriors ( TGW) on
GIC. For example, I had a lot of fun on the
Neck ( our promenade, like a much
smaller version of the Boardwalk in
Atlantic City, NJ), on Halloween. I don't
like the gruesome, morbid stuff about
vampires & zombies. but I loved seeing
families all decked out in fun masks &
costumes! I hadn't seen a fun crowd like
this since pre-COVID. When I went home
Sun night to tell everyone on GIC about my
Halloween, and ask about theirs, I was
in shock that I couldn't. It was especially
painful that I couldn't reach Deb. We are
very similar in a lot of ways & check in
on each other every morning & every
night before bedtime. I live on the coast
of Massachusetts, as you know, and Deb lives in South Carolina, but, at one time,
Deb, Bob, & kids, lived up here, and she
still calls it "home". She would like to visit,
but "home" has such painful, bittersweet
memories about her life with Bob up
North, that she is reluctant to come
without Bob. Well, let's keep those long
"books" coming, Robin! After being blocked
for 2 days. I'm bursting to talk & to listen.
In a strange way, it's like the storm ( and
power out, for some of us) you & I just
had. We survived the storm, and the
reboot. After all. we're made of stronger
stuff. We suffered the worst pain of all:
the death of our soulmates. Lou

 

Good Tues am, Deb! What a difference 2
days make. I'm baaaack !!! Had a great
talk with Robin, who rivals us in the
"book" department. I talked about how
depressed I was when I couldn't check in
with you every am, & before bedtime.
I guess Karyn's technician underestimated
how long the rebooting would take. I know
that it upset a lot of people besides us,
like Stacey & George. Hope Karen, Gary, &
Patti are OK. On bus to Gloucester. Lou

 

I'm so tired of going through my endless feeling "Dark Night of the Soul" For over a year now. At least TB know he needs to step up and be a grownUp I can't do it all on my own. I am so tired and hopeless feeling and I know this doesn't help! In person grief group (the churchy one has been cancelled for today! But not dialysis! I WANT TO BE STRONG wanting isn't good enough. I have to act and get my shit together! How! When Why where!!!! Peace and love to TGWs!!!!

 

Robin,

I'm so glad the site is finally fully (hope I didn't just jinx us, TU!!!) functioning this morning, and as always it's so good to hear from you. I'm sorry you had to go through similar circumstances with Ron's health insurance. You are so right, it's totally overwhelming at a time when we're least able to deal with things. Plus, it brings back so many horrible memories every time something arrives either from a provider or the insurance company. So not only are we mourning... stuck on the down side of that emotional roller coaster, but also forced to put on our "big girl pants," and deal with the "real" world... No other way to say this, it just SUCKS BIG TIME!!! I'm so glad Stacey moved in with you, was able to work from home, so you weren't alone. It's wonderful that you and Stacey were able to support and comfort each other during the worst time in your entire life (worst time isn't a strong enough way of saying this, but haven't had enough coffee yet, my brain is still way too "fuzzy.)

Backing way up, no need to ever apologize, especially with the "reboot" disaster, for not getting back to me sooner!!! I'm sorry you were up so early this morning... I hope you were able to fall back asleep or will be able to take a nap today. I hope everyone is back today too!!! I knew I was becoming dependent on this site to help me get through this, but I didn't realize until last night, how dependent I've become, needing to reach out to all of TGW on a daily basis.

I hope you have at least one, but hopefully many more reasons to LMSO today...

As always, sending you and Teddy lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

It's so good to hear from you again, TU!!! As I said to Robin, I knew I was becoming dependent on this site to help me get through this, but until the reboot disaster, I didn't realize how dependent I've become, needing to reach out to you, to all of TGW on a daily basis. I really don't think I would be able to make it through this without all of my GIC friends...

I'm so happy you're on your way to Gloucester this morning... I'm looking forward to hearing about today's adventures later. I have lots of catching up to do around here, plus need to pay some bills that have been sitting in the same place on my desk since they arrived, and have a couple errands to run. So... this is another short one. I've been doing lots of short ones lately, Bob would have a very difficult time believing this, TU!!! Smiling... thinking of what Bob would say. I miss him so much.... But and this is another one of those BIG BUTS, even though he can't be here physically, I know he is watching over me. I got another sign from him while taking a walk, "talked" about it in a recent message to George, so if you want, you can check it out. I know Linda would be so happy knowing you're on your way to another day of new adventures... trying to make the most out of each and every moment, embracing life.

Will be back later to "talk, " but until then, I hope you have many reasons to LMSO today...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Marcey,

It's so good to "see" you here this morning. I still have lots of catching up to do around here, but when I saw one of Robin's messages to you, I started laughing, and just had to reply right away. I'm way too embarrassed to say this, but and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, I'm among friends, so I'm going to be brave and just spit it out, I love!!! "90 Day Fiance!!!" As embarrassing as it is, like Robin after Ron passed away, I started watching way too much"reality" TV after Bob died However, I haven't watched that show about the housewives. I know the one you mean, but haven't had enough caffeine, my brain which isn't totally functioning these days to begin with, is in super slo mo mode this morning. I think I need to pour another cup of caffeine, in an attempt to kick start it.

Bob and I took our children to Disney World, the one in Florida. It brings back such very special memories... all of them so bittersweet now, happy mixed with sad, as Robin would say. I can't "talk" about them this morning, as they're triggering those way too frequent tears. I need a tissue. However, I would love to hear about the special Disney thing, the wonderful times you had there. When I don't have lots of things I need to accomplish, and if I remember (this foggy widow brain SUCKS!!!), I'll share some of them with you.

I think it's very brave of you, and a big step forward, to be able to go there in December. It's a wonderful way to enjoy the holiday season with your family. Although I know this will be a very difficult and sad time for you, I hope you will have many reasons to LMSO, and many special memories, although bittersweet, to take home and cherish forever. I know that this will make Mark both very proud of you, and happy too. You are tackling grief head on, and you're doing everything you possibly can to help yourself heal. Stopping here for now, I meant to keep this short because I have lots of things on my daily to do list.

Hope you managed to get some quality sleep last night. Hope you have at least one, but hopefully lots more reasons to LMSO today.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

P.S. I love Peets coffee too. Wish we lived closer so we could enjoy a cup or two together...

 

...On the Disneyland subject - I realized my current profile pic is of Mark and me in Fantasyland. Wearing our matching Mickey Mouse baseball caps.
That was our last trip together to Disneyland. he/art.

I pray everyone is having a peace-filled morning. ♥

 

Lou,

Your message to Robin is just so beautiful.... It has me teary eyed, but mostly in the best of ways. I am so very grateful for you, for all of TGW... I always knew how much I care about all TGW, but I didn't realize how much I depend on all of you to help me get through each and every day, TU!!! When I couldn't "talk" to you and all TGW, I felt like my life preserver had floated away, leaving me drifting at sea, wondering how much longer I would be able to keep on treading water.

Stopping here, I'm an emotional mess this morning and really needed to get moving, start all those things on my daily to do list, a long time ago. Guess I can't stop "talking" even when I try to. Thinking of Bob right about now and smiling.... I HATE!!! this seemingly never ending roller coaster ride of emotions. I wish that even if it is only possible for one day, all of us could experience nothing but pure joy... Imagine what a very special and beautiful gift that would be...

Really going now!!! I''m guessing you've already finished breakfast, maybe hanging out for some more caffeine, as far as I'm concerned, there is no such thing as too much caffeine, TU!!! Whatever you're doing, enjoy your day...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Stacey,

I LOVE!!! the picture!!! It made me smile when I read how much this picture means to you.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George,

Hugs... I'm sorry the "churchy" bereavement group was canceled today. I hope you'll be able to go to it next week. I'm in a major rush, I knew I thought I saw a message from you this morning, but it took me awhile to find it again, so I could "talk" to you before putting away my chrome book for the morning. I think really long run on sentences are my specialty, TU!!!

I hope dialysis goes by as quickly and as painlessly as possible. I hope you're able to get a nap in, do some reading too. I can't even begin to imagine how much it totally SUCKS!!!

You are way stronger than you think you are, TU!!! Please be gentle with yourself. Grieving seems to present itself in different ways every day, many times in different ways multiple times throughout the day. I think there will always be some days we feel much weaker than we really are. Yesterday was one of those days for me. However, when I look back, and realize how much I actually accomplished, I realized that I didn't give myself enough credit, even if I spent most of the day in the same sweatsuit I woke up in.

Sending lots more hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, just read what you had to go through
with Bob's frightening medical bills. That's
scarier than any Halloween horror film. I
had a similar experience after Linda died,
& saw her hospital bills. I was too emotionally distraught to notice that it was
a "summary", not a bill. I forgot that I had
been paying monthly health insurance
checks, for years, and it ended up
covering everything. Later, when I needed
grief counseling sessions, I started getting
huge bills from the same insurance co. As
Stacey so humorously said, I put my " big
boy pants on" and called the insurance
company. I spoke with a sympathetic
man about the fact that I needed therapy
to deal with the sudden death of my wife.
I told him that both Linda & I had used
his company for many years, & it had been
a lifesaver. The man said he was so sorry,
& gave me his name & confirmation
number, in case of a future problem. I didn't, and don't, have to pay a cent out of
my own pocket.I thanked him profusely,
& said that if there were a survey, I would
give him high marks for his kind service.
I think one of the ways to get through
life's hardships, is to find a sympathetic
ear. When I call my pharmacy for my
meds, I hear a robot voice. "He",or should I
say, "it", asks me questions, and calls me
"Louis". Oh,please. When the robot wants 00000p
me to list the meds I want refilled, I cut
through his alien voice, saying repeatedly,
" SPEAK TO PHARMACY!!!". The robot says,
"OK" ( reluctantly??!!), and I get to speak
with a live person. Deb, I've noticed in the
3 years since Linda's death, that I need
the company of women, especially. I told
Robin, or was it you (?), that I find it easy
to talk with women NOW. Where was that
smoothness back in high school or college?
I guess I'm considered a safe, kind, older,
but not ancient, man, easy to talk with. My
secret is that I'm a good listener. After my
"verbal diarrhea" ( sorry, but it fits!), about
my Halloween, I asked the pedicurist about
her trick or treating with her children.
Tomorrow, I will be surrounded by
nurses at the Cataract Center. Since all
the nurses wear masks, I see how
beautiful & kind their eyes are. Come to
think of it. I noticed that when I was a boy,
watching Dr. Kildare or Ben Casey, MD.
My best woman friend ( outside of you!!!) is Kim, who's more like a daughter to me.
She will drive me home tomorrow from
the Center. After the procedure is done,
I will need reading glasses, so I hope I can
make out GIC tomorrow night! Lou

 

As an English major I absolve you of any guilt or regrets for grammar and sentence structure. "Grieving seems to present itself in different ways every day. " thisis so TRUE and yet I feel so powerless and helpless I don't want to be hopeless but I feel more and more this way. I am in such an untenable situation I don't want to give in. I want to keep being strong! It is so hard! Thanks for being there!

 

George, our super kind friend, Deb, beat
me to it, in her reply to you on your
shitty ( yes, it helps to use that word, &
F-bombs, in certain instances!). I agree
with every word she said, as usual.
Even though she's younger than I am,
I do sometimes think of Deb as being
our "Den Mother"!! It looks like the
rebooting of GIC, put all of us in a foul
mood. It wasn't Karyn's fault, but it looks
like the technician misjudged how long
the rebooting would take. I think Karyn
now realizes how vital & necessary GIC
is for us Grief Warriors. Lou

 

She is so our Den Mother... and you are the wise older brother... I don't know... I want to reBuild my life and rise like a phoenix from the ashes of my old toxic existence...BUT I feel like crap! How do I do this. I need to move forward. It's my only hope. Yet I am totally clueless how. At least connecting with the GWs is a good thing and I thank you all!@

 

Awe! Lou thank you so much! Such kind thoughts and words, you made my day! Getting on here a little late today. I’ve been putting off paying bills and doing a few things so I promised myself to get those things done before doing anything else this morning. I did the chores and now have a snoring Teddy on my lap, payed bills and I’m finally here. Things went smoother today thankfully but the links in the emails still aren’t working. People who would say it’s silly that we consider the site not working a crisis just don’t understand. They haven't felt this pain. We have each other’s back when others fail us. And sadly that happens often.
I don’t like the gruesome stuff on Halloween either. I like the cute fun costumes and families making it a fun family experience. That’s why I felt bad I couldn't hand out treats to the kids and then seeing them take advantage just had a bad feel. I’m over it, they're kids out to have fun, just weren’t taught right from wrong. I do know you’re on the coast in MA and Deb is S.C., I did not know she had previously lived in MA. She might be able to visit in time. I have places I can’t go to that Ron and I enjoyed, didn’t live there and I can’t bring myself to visit. It all takes time. And even then it’s hard. I’ve been to MA a few times, I know it’s beautiful there. Where you are sounds like a such a quaint beautiful area. On Long Island, I’m surrounded by bodies of water and absolutely love watching the waves, hearing the water, it’s so calming. Now that my daughter purchased a new Jeep we’ll be driving onto the beach in no time. We go in the winter too, sit in her Jeep and open the windows to feel the breeze and let the ocean sounds clear our minds. We see seals playing and dolphins jumping. Bring sandwiches and relax. Can’t wait.
From what I’m reading I think you had it worse and I know how bad it was here. Storms like that give me such angst. What if something happens to my house, a tree falls on it or something. Ugh I made it through and you did too thankfully.
Like you said, we’ve all experienced the worst pain anyone can go through, the loss of our other half, our one and only, soul mates, what ever you want to call them, that loss is devastating. And yet some how we’re still here
Lou I think it was you who asked if I visit my son in Boynton Beach during the cold months, the answer is yes and it’s wonderful. Such a nice break from the cold we have here. Possibly visiting this winter but not sure. Nothing set in stone yet. They spoil us when we visit and my son gives me the best bear hug you can imagine. Makes me cry, but it’s a happy cry, I miss getting hugs and he gives the best ones, well other then Ron of coarse.
I’ll answer other posts later. I have to run out, but I’ll be back later.
Hope you and everyone else is having a better day. Robin

 

Stacey, your bittersweet memory of
Mark & you at Disneyland, made me think
of a trip there, with Linda, in 1997, a year
after we were married, in Las Vegas. Since
we married in our mid 40s, first marriage
for both of us, we had no children. We
acted like kids ourselves, & went to
local amusement parks, & finally, flew to
Disneyland. It was magical for us, bc we
grew up watching Walt Disney on Sun
nights, & learned about Fantasyland, &
watched Fess Parker as Davy Crockett &
later, Daniel Boone.

Linda & I were both sentimental, with
good hearts. When we walked through
the Disney castle, & heard the voice of
a welcoming Jiminy Cricket, we both lost
it & cried. I'm grateful that we were able
to go to Disneyland, together. But, I'm not
going to lie, Stacey. I'm not a Pollyanna.
In fact, this morning, I had a dream that I
was trying to kiss Linda, who was lying on
our bed with her back to me. When she
didn't respond & wake up, I woke up
crying, and said. "Linda, I miss you! I love
you!". After a short cry ( shorter than the
weeping of 3 years ago), I did what Frank
Sinatra "told me" to do, in his rousing song,
That's Life: I had to "pick myself up and
get back in the race......" Lou

 

George, I would be proud to be called
your older brother. The funny fact is that
my father's name was George, but you are
a kinder man than he was. I think that
sometimes, kindness, like baldness , skips
a generation. My grandfather on my
mother's side, was both kind, and had a
full head of hair, which I inherited. After
I read The Widower's Notebook, as you
may recall, I emailed Jonathan, who is a
little older than I am, to thank him for his
moving, amazing book, & to tell him he
was like the brother I never had. He
surprised me by emailing back 2 days
later, and said that HE would be proud to
be called my "brother". I cried. Lou

 

It’s very hard to move forward, to rebuild our lives. It’s such a slow process. I’m clueless how to do that too. I keep struggling to find my purpose. It’s a one day at a time process, baby steps. I believe our body and mind will lead the way for us. If we hit a road block then we try to get through when we can. I used to push myself and I’ve come to realize that’s not the way to go. I do push myself to get fresh air each day. Connecting on here is a huge positive for each of us. A great start.

 

Neat Lou!
Glad you think of me as kind. I sure want to be. I know I wasn't always but the last 6 years has sure taken the crap out of me! I really loved Jonathan's book and I should e mail him too. I should do a lot of things. Went to the Walmart with TB It was good to get out and and he needs to step up and start doing stuff. I know he is but it breaks my heart to see him giving up on his dreams to go back to school but no one asked Valerie to die and I know she didn't want to. I am so full of anxiety! I am so full of Fear and worry. Yet the rational me knows that wont help. What do I do to and how do I move forward ??? I am so lost these daze but I want to get a grip and pull myself out of this funck! This site is one of the few things keeping me grounded!

I guess my only complaint with TWN was the fact that JS had friends and a career and didn't have to worry about money. I understand the grieving part totally but his lifestyle is so diametrically opposed with what I have to work with. I don't hold that against him in any way. But my story really sucks! I feel so adrift and lost and alone. I do not know what to do. I had a life. I lost it stupidly due to insane and aggressive kidney disease. How do I get back on track??? I wish I knew what to do... I feel like I have so much to give this world I just don't know how or where to start. In my younger years I always seemed to have opportunities.. Now there are NONE (it seems!)