Sudden and unexpected

Patti, Karen, Lou, Robin, George, Gary, and to everyone else I didn't mention by name,

I'm way past exhausted... both physically and mentally. Need to veg out and watch something mindless, but will probably fall asleep on the couch instead, wake up around midnight, and crawl into bed.

So... Hope everyone has at least one, if not more than one, okay moments this evening... but, and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, if you can laugh your sad off, it's a definite plus, total understatement (I know this has grown stale, but I've been saying this for so many years, it's a habit. I can't stop myself)

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb I forgot to mention I’m in the Bull pen for jury duty but haven’t been selected yet. I feel sorry for the defendant because I know he’s guilty regardless the testimony I hear. About 10 years ago I went to a shamanic practitioner and had a healing done. She removed three attachments from me (bad spirits). I was instructed not to eat any spicy food or have sex for the next three days. She gave me enough Epsom salt To bath in for three days. I felt a lot better then and I’m considering doing it again. I cooked on the grill two times only for myself this summer. Before I would cook on the grill only if I had company. I started wearing my coin bracelets again. I’m starting to feel a little better about myself today. I’ve made bracelets out of buffalo nickels and Indian head pennies for the last two years for Cheryl’s antique business. In the book permission to mourn it says Moment to moment we face the choice between love and fear. Fear that we have lost our loved one and are going to be miserable the rest of our lives. Love would mean our loved one went to the afterlife and we are going to find some kind of contentment as we move forward. And that’s just from the forward. When I heard Lou’s therapist laughing his sad off after hearing how it originated I LMSO too. I thought about telling my support group there’s a new concept in grief recovery it’s called LMSO. Love and peace be with you. Gary

 

yesterday was a Monday with a Vengeance... Heavy shit about the house... I just want out of here but my confidence is so trashed... Three things to get through today Churchy Grief Group and Dialysis and TB's typical kerfuffle...

 

Yes Yes YES Thanks Thankz THANKS!!!!!

 

Gary, thanks to you, my typo, which
became "laughing his sad off" has
practically gone viral. Now, Deb is using
it regularly, and my therapist chuckled
about it. Before I was put on medications
for manic depression, I would have
pushed to get myself on a TV talk show
to pump my idea. Now, I'm a private
person, dealing with my grief, and that's
the last thing I'd want to do! I love your
summarizing and opinions about Zuba's
book. As I told George, I don't have it
anymore, bc my 1st grief therapist lent
me the book.,I have seen Zuba's lectures
on YouTube, however. As you & others
know, I did buy a copy of The Widower's
Notebook. I hope you will give it another
chance, Gary, when the time is right. Lou

 

George, good for you for using "shit", a
stronger word than "crap", to describe
Monday. For Karyn Arnold's sake, nobody
uses F-bombs on this forum, but I'm sure
we do privately. Lou

 

Thanks Lou I am not going to give up on the widower’s notebook. I’m intrigued to read permission to mourn first though. I totally agree about not reading any of that traumatic material in the evening so we don’t take it to bed with us. George I’m going to be in the woods a long time today putting a tree stand up. I’m going to send you positive thoughts through the trees the animals and the birds and the sky. Try to feel the power of nature is working with you. You’ve got a lot more on your plate than any of us. In the movie hunger games the line I remember the most is hope is the only thing stronger than fear. For now I’m rambling on. Peace. Gary

 

Morning, Deb! I need hugs, too! The
weekend was great with Steven & Betsy.
Yesterday ( Monday), not so much. Cried
under my mask on bus ( we still have to
wear masks on buses & in taxis), as I
looked out the window on the wild waves
on the Back Shore of Gloucester. I saw the
Atlantis, open for breakfast May through
Oct. That was the place Linda & I went. I
would carry her walker up the stairs, and
she would walk slowly, painfully, breathing heavily, up the stairs. She hated
being rushed & told off the hostess, who
kept hovering over her. Linda was angry,
and I was tense, which happened a lot,
especially after she became ill. Steven &
Betsy went hiking in the woods Monday.
Not my thing, I'm an ocean guy. I did
miss them, however. The drop in temps,
their departure in less than 2 weeks, was
a preview of winter. I'm trying not to
think that way, bc I know that I can hop
on a bus to Gloucester, to go to different
restaurants, and for a change of scene. I
want to walk outside every day, unless
there's ice on the ground. After another
morning hike, Steven & Betsy plan to
meet me at Brothers Brew, for coffee. I'm
hoping for a good day today, and I hope
that for all of us. Lou

 

Gary,

I wasn't picked for jury duty years ago because of conflicting interests. Bob and I owned a small title company and knew many of the local attorneys in our area. As soon as you're asked if there is any reason you think you shouldn't serve, once you tell them you think the defendant is guilty, that should be enough for you to be dismissed, total understatement!!!

It makes me smile to hear that you're feeling a bit better. I think it's definitely a step in the right direction that you're wearing your coin bracelets again. I think it's a sign of better days ahead... I gave my copy of "Permission To Mourn" to a friend. She read the book yesterday afternoon. She cried her way through it. She loved the book, total understatement!!! She said she is beginning to feel like she's in an eternal relationship with her husband. We are all choosing hope. I know this would make Cheryl, Bob, and my friend's spouse so happy... We can move forward, find some kind of contentment without them being physically here, and at the same time, we will always have a relationship with them. I think this is as good as it's going to get. Moving forward, life is always going to be bittersweet. Happiness mixed with tears (thank you Robin!)..."

I think you should tell your support group about LMSO. Maybe it would brighten their day just a bit too.

I better stop here. I'm finishing breakfast as I'm "talking" to you. Late start. As usual, didn't sleep enough. I've been waiting for it to warm up enough to go for a walk. It was in the forties last night, but thankfully it should warm up to the mid seventies today (if in this foggy brain state I remember what I read earlier this morning.)

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Im glad for you today that you can do something "natury" and active. I can't even begin to say what a horrid spot I am, in today. About this house stuff, about my son stuff... I feel so whiny I don't mean to be. NOT doin good but I desire to do better... keep on trying is all we can do.

 

I personally use a lot of expletives but I was worried on here don't need to get banned from one of the only things I look forward to. Half of me feel very incredibly bad. House stuff and stuff with TB about the house stuff and preDating that even. I feel like all I ever do is struggle I am so tired of it...

 

Lou,

Sending you lots of extra hugs this morning. Your description of watching the wild waves..., going past the Atlantis..., memories of Linda, bittersweet as she struggled to climb those stairs to the Atlantis...., colder weather... Steven and Betsy going home... it's like life in your corner of the world is going into hibernation as the winter approaches... Wish I could wrap my arms around you, and give you the biggest hug ever... I know it doesn't help, but I "get it." I'm teary eyed "talking" to you.

My friend read "Permission To Mourn" yesterday afternoon and cried her way through it. As I said to Gary, she said she's beginning to feel like she's in an eternal relationship with her husband. We will always have a relationship with the one true love of our lives, but at the same time, we need to move forward, find happiness again. We are not the same people we were before Linda and Bob died. You have picked up the pieces of your shattered life, and have made a new life for yourself, one filled with many happy moments, but unfortunately, from now on, I think happy moments are always going to be bittersweet. Happy mixed with sad...

I'm very glad that you're meeting Betsy and Steven later on for coffee. I hope that being with close friends will give you more than one reason to LMSO (as Gary likes to abbreviate it).

I need to get moving. I'm also very sad this morning, way too many reminders of the holidays, way too many other things on my mind too, but I'm stopping here for now. Another one of those TBS... (if I remember!!!) I NEED a walk!!! Plus I have to get a wedding anniversary card in the mail for my good friends who Bob and I always traveled with. Their wedding anniversary is four days before what would have been my wedding anniversary.

Really stopping here, because I'm in the mood to write a book, BUT, and this is one of those BIG BUTS!!!, I have to walk to preserve whatever shred of sanity I have left this morning. I'm filling my pockets with tissues!!!

Sending zillions of hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George,

I'm glad Gary is feeling a bit better today, but sadly you, Lou, and I are struggling.... Like I just said to Lou, I wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you a giant hug...!!! I'm proud of you for deciding to go to the "Churchy Grief Group" when you're feeling so miserable. I hope you can find a way to either read or sleep during dialysis. Sorry about TB making matters worse. Is he going to be living with you when you move?

Really got to get out of this house. I've been crying for awhile, way too many things taking up way too much space in my head. Hoping all of us can find a way to LMSO at least once today...

Sending zillions of hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Gary, I'm glad you're not giving up on

Thanks, Deb! On way out door to see S&B!
Talk soon. Lou

 

Gary, glad you're not giving up on
Jonathan. He's become a friend, and
replied to my emails. On way out door.
May have screwed up my relies to you! L

 

Thanks for the zillions of Love! And kind thoughts... A lot of the boys issues have to do with his mother and since I'm totally missing on her and grieving; he isn't but he's full of guilt. I feel like such a freaked up mess toiday again... just gotta get though the immediate things I need to do and try not to think. Hope you get out and experience something pleasant... Zillions upon zillions of love ands hugs!

 

It's so hard to achieve that balance between moving on and treasuring memories... such a knife edge of unreality!

 

To all you CIC Crew, (that was suggested by Deb). I give her credit.

I'm back and I see I have a lot of catching up to do here. George you sound so stressed, you have "way" too much on your plate. Do whatever you have to do to keep calm. As they say, "this too shall pass", but in the meantime it can blow your mind, cause illness and extreme stress that tightens up your whole body. Easier said than done. I hope you have a good realtor that can help you with suggestions for packers, movers, etc.

Jack's Celebration of Life went well, but I wish I wasn't there. Most of the family said it gave them closure saying goodbye. I will never have closure. It will be 1 year since Jack passed and I hate to be the bearer of bad news but for me, my grieving, missing Jack is only getting worse. I've heard from people that the tough time gets better after 1 year. My feeling is, there is no set day, time or year, it's what it is and Mr. Grief will take his good old time.

Well, I'd better spend some time catching up on all the Crew's book of short stories. Blessing to all, Karen

 

I meant Grief will takes it's good old time.

 

Karen, so sorry you had to go through
the Celebration of Life, for Jack, to please
others. It's been almost 3 years since
Linda's death. As Deb & I discuss, it feels
like 2 steps forward & 1 step back. But,
and here's the BIG BUT, as Deb would
say, sometimes it's only 1 step forward,
and 2 steps back. On a really dark day,
it's NO steps forward. There IS no time
limit on grief. All we can say is that
some days are better than others. I didn't
cry in the am, for the 1st time, on Sat, bc
I was looking forward to seeing my friends, a married couple from Pa, who
were arriving that day. I had a great, fun
weekend with them, but was depressed &
lonely yesterday,when they had other
plans. All we can do, Karen, is to comfort
& encourage each other on GIC. Lou