Stages of Grief: Anger

Lou,

You honored Linda very nicely. Here's to Linda, and all of our precious mates. They are missed more than words can ever express.

I've been crying a lot of the time. He died 2 months ago yesterday. It's still brand new for me. And, yes Karen, (thank you) there is a lot to do, all while grieving constantly. I'm having a really hard time right now. It's been rough. And it is getting more and more painful. (reality setting in) But I'm still trying to get done what I need to do (and force myself to get out even when I don't want to - most of the time anyway).

I'm glad you liked the 40 Inspirational Speeches. That always cheers me up/motivates me and makes me smile. As I said, (I'm a big cheezeball) I love a good montage.
Was in the store with my mom and this song came on - and it reminded me of a movie dance montage that I love. Makes me smile and want to dance. I told my mom it was one of my favorite songs and I could tell she wasn't sure how she felt about that. LOL But that's okay. It's a favorite because of this montage.
I'll just leave it here. Hope it makes someone smile today. (I hope you guys don't mind me sharing these things...).

 

I liked the montage. Good to see your post today Stacey. I’m sorry you are in this phase of your journey but it’s normal. Be as patient and kind to yourself as possible. I had to remind myself of that today also. I hate to tell you this Stacey but my grief got progressively worse 3 months after losing Cheryl. Since then it has plateaued. I’m in it for the long-haul knowing this is going to last a long time and I’m trying to endure it. The nice thing about this site is you don’t have to act like you have it all together. you can come here and be yourself. Patti said no one will be left alone to grieve by themselves. TGW battle Mr Grief 24/7. TGW leave no one behind. Imagine a relay race of TGW. when a fellow member is down they pass the baton off to another who is strong at the moment until they are struggling then it just keeps passing on. We are united by our suffering. We are deeply concerned for one another’s welfare. You’re one of us. Good to hear from you! Gary

 

Thank you Gary. And I understand. I had expressed to a dear friend earlier, that I didn't want to be an emotional leach here, only taking out of need and giving nothing of value back to anyone. But I feel like that's where I am right now. But I do agree that is what is so nice about this site. That when someone is struggling, someone that is feeling stronger can come alongside and encourage. There is give and take. That's so helpful and important. And I hope to be one that can come alongside and be a help. Thank you for your encouragement. ♥

I'm not surprised to hear that it gets worse before it gets better. I hope and pray it doesn't get much worse than this for me. It's pretty dark for me right now (the low times - it's not constant, but the low times are much darker and more hopeless feeling now. The missing him/longing for him is much more intense with each passing day. It will be very hard to want to survive if the pain and darkness get much worse). I know I will get through. This just sucks the desire to get through it, right out of me. If that makes any sense.

I am glad to hear that it seems the worst pain is behind you. I hope for more than maintaining, for you from here on. I pray you will continue healing and feeling stronger and that you (and everyone here) will be able to experience sincere happiness and even joy, again. You deserve that! ♥

There are 2 more fave dance montages of mine. This one is the one I workout to when I don't want to do a "real" workout. Time to dance the pain away. (If I don't do it now, it's not getting done today)



I hope you have a great rest of your weekend!

 

Gary everything you said to Stacy is true about it getting progressively worse and I hate to say it's been 1 year for me and I'm not in a good place. Grief changes, but it's always there. The truth be known. We are united, TGW, Karen

 

Stacey, I'm with Gary on this also, I just
wrote to Deb, that after 3 years,the
intensity of mourning has faded, but
I can still be a crybaby, when taken by
surprise, like at a recent ceremony
outside the American Legion. I'm the
only non veteran. When I saw the
veterans put their military hats over
their hearts during the National
Anthem, I choked up. When a bugler
played TAPS, I cried, for both servicemen
and women who died, but also, for
Linda. A Vietnam Marine's
wife saw me crying and gave me a big
hug. She said her husband was stoic,
but that she would cry for both of
them. They laughed when I told them
that Linda & I were the opposite. If we
watched a sad, or powerfully dramatic
scene in a movie, I was the one who
cried. She would look at me, and say,
"You hard hearted thing" and we
would both laugh. Lou

 

Wow, Stacey, you bring a nostalgic
Hollywood vibe to this site. Thank you!!
When I was a boy, I saw many of these
dance numbers from my parents' era
in the 1940s. When I'd be home, out
sick from school, I'd also watch the
great movie classics, with Bogart &
Bacall, Cagney, Edward G. Robinson,
etc. I would also watch the Academy
Awards, with glamorous movie stars,
like Audrey Hepburn & Gregory Peck.
Years later, Linda & I would shake our
heads & say those years of class, were
gone, and we stopped watching "The
Oscars". Lou

 

Lou,

I feel certain that your ability to express your emotions (especially the ability to grieve openly and cry - real men DO cry) will be a benefit to you.

I often think I am too emotional. But maybe I'm just the right amount. It's the way God made me. I'm very sensitive. I always have been. It's a blessing AND a curse.
Might as well embrace it and use it for good. You clearly do use your big heart for good.

 

Lou,

Yes, I agree. I LOVE the old Hollywood stuff. I miss the innocent days and the appearance at least, of class. That's all gone.

I left almost all social media a few years ago, but I did keep my Pinterest. And I have a board called Hooray for Hollywood with all that stuff. I also have a Some Days You Gotta Dance board....with my favorite dance scenes from a bunch of movies, along with all of my favorite dance montages. lol There is nothing of importance on my Pinterest. All fluff and fun. And a lot of Disney.

 

Boy, Stacey, you just summed me up.
John Wayne, who never cried (but was never in battle in real life). was not my
hero, but Jimmy Stewart was. He was a
decorated WWII true hero. When he
was George Bailey in It's a Wonderful
Life, he tapped into his PTSD after the
war, and showed the anguish of attempted
suicide, in desperation, on that bridge. I
cried every year when I saw that movie. I
recall that Deb did, too. Lou

 

After seeing one of your montages, I
scrolled down to a music video, by ABBA,
singing Fernando. That song moved both
Linda & me. Whenever we went to a
certain favorite dark pub, we would
play that song on the jukebox, much to
the growns of the guys at the bar. We
didn't care. They kidded us, and we all
laughed. When we saw the Mad Men
series, we liked the nostalgic feel of
the jukebox, telephone booths, people
dressing up to go on a plane, the music of
the late 50s, & early 60s. We grew up
with TV shows of a simpler time, like
"Leave it to Beaver", Westerns, where
the good guys always won, and our
favorite, The Andy Griffith Show. We
enjoyed the reruns as adults. Sheriff
Andy Taylor was, and is, my role model.
Lou

 

Karen, I'm praying that things start feeling lighter and your pain will lessen soon. I'm sorry to hear you're still in so much pain.
I am trying to prepare myself for a long road, but at the same time, looking that far ahead is feeling oppressive and hopeless to me. I think for me, I just need to focus on today, do my best, pray and ask for strength. Do what I have to do. Then tomorrow I will do the same. I think part of my intense hopelessness is that I am looking ahead at life without Mark, years down the road. And the truth is, we don't know what life holds for us. Not even about tomorrow. But God knows. And He loves us. And He is still here. And that is what I need to focus on and trust in.
When I start to contemplate the rest of my life....I sink. it's too much. I'm trying to not do that.
But it's still a battle. And a constant decision to not allow myself to keep thinking about life (the future) without him. It's a lot of work. And a lot of work, right now, is hard for all of us. All our hearts are broken and worn out. Everything takes a monumental effort. Including keeping my mind focused on anything.

So today, I made it through. I had to food shop for next week (alone). I cried through both stores and in my car. But I made it home. I will wash my face and put on my pj's and get through the night. Tomorrow morning, if God wakes me up, I will pray for strength, protection, widsom and peace. And I will do my best again. Even if my best is to stay in my pj's, eat potato chips and cry into my iced tea.
One day at a time.
Hang in there Karen. ♥

 

Stacey, I am so glad you're back on GIC
with The GrIef Warriors. You are an
incredibly brave woman. The fact that
Mark died so recently, and that you're
willing to get on here, to help others in
our terrible grief journey, is a testament
to your kindness and belief in God. My
belief in God has gotten stronger since
Linda's death. I can sit on the same bench
that Linda & I sat on, looking out to sea.
Now, when I look out to sea, I can picture
Linda, and God's presence. Linda's
physical body is no longer with me, but
her spirit is in my heart, mind, and soul.
Lou

 

Stacey,

Unfortunately, I agree with Gary. At first, there are so many things that need to be taken care of as quickly as possible. All the financial matters, closing out accounts, filing the death certificate (This was one of the worst days I had since Bob died.), funeral and/or burial, etc., etc., etc., just to name a few. For the first few months, while I knew in my head Bob was gone, my heart didn't want to believe this. There were days when I expected him to walk through the front door. I was numb and in shock. It seemed almost surreal..., like this couldn't have happened. As the numbness and shock began to wear off, and I knew that Bob was never coming home again, I sank all the way to the bottom of that seemingly endless roller coaster of emotions. The pain became unbearable. Backing up to the beginning, even though I was numb and in shock, the horrific events of Bob's last night on earth/early morning hours, kept playing over and over and over again in my head. I couldn't stop thinking about this, I could see everything as clearly as if the events were unfolding right in front of me...

I almost think all the matters that we have to take care of so quickly are there for a reason. I was so busy trying to take care of all the things that Bob used to handle, as well as getting my finances in order, hours would go by when I didn't have time to think about anything except the task I needed to accomplish. I have no idea how I managed to do accomplish anything, no sleep, horrible vivid pictures of Bob, dead, still on that same stretcher he was wheeled in on the night before, wrapped in a white sheet, the tube still down his throat... I would see this so clearly in my head as I was trying to sleep, I would get up terrified, uncontrollably crying until I was so exhausted, wrung out both emotionally and physically, that I couldn't cry any more. I know you, and every one of TGW, totally "get" it... It breaks my heart when I think about all of us, having to go through the most heartbreaking event... My eyes are watery, and I feel like those floodgates are going to open...

After all the important and necessary tasks are completed, and the numbness and shock wears off..., I have a hard time trying to explain in words how much worse I felt. Now, over seven months later, reality has totally sunk in, the pain has become worse, I miss him more and more as each day goes by, but at the same time, I know I'm still here for a reason. I want to make Bob proud of me. As Tom Zuba says, "choose life." I'm choosing life and even though I'm still stuck at the very bottom of that seemingly endless roller coaster ride of emotions, I'm grateful for, as Bob so often said, every day "I'm on the right side of the dirt."

I'm so sorry... I just painted a total picture of doom and gloom. Just know that all of TGW will be here for you, to support you, to "listen" to you, to offer you advice, which you can take or leave, and provide you with a safe place to scream, yell, vent, etc...., etc.., etc..., all without judgement, but with lots of love.

Backing up just a bit, this is only my experience, others' experiences while in some ways might be similar, in other ways, could be different. This is very important to keep in mind!!! I am way beyond happy for Gary, that he is further along this miserable path towards healing than I am. Like you, I hope and pray for Gary, that he will move past just maintaining... that he will find some sort of happiness again, just like I hope and pray for all of TGW...

Please don't think that the way I've experienced things, will be the same way for you!!! The one thing I can say, is that now I'm trying to build a new life for myself, although it's a very slow, painful, and difficult process. I believe with all my heart, that someday, I will find some sort of happiness again, but and this is one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, it's going to take lots of hard work in order for this to happen.,

Better stop here, there are so many more things I want to tell you, but they'll have to be one of those TBC's ... (if I can remember with this widow foggy brain).

Please take care of yourself the very best you possibly can.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

I don't think there will ever come a day when I won't cry... This is one of my all time favorite movies, and what I think is the very best Christmas movie of all time.

Hope you get some quality zzz's tonight...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Stacey,

I agree with everything you said to Lou. You said it best!!! I also agree with what you said about yourself, that "maybe I'm just the right amount." I love your attitude!!! Once again, you said it best, "embrace it and use it for good." I think you have just as big a heart as Lou. You will get through this!!!, all of TGW will get through this!!! We can and will get through this together!!! Our name says it all, we are TGW!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

tgotyall,

I'm so sorry I missed your post. Although words seem so inadequate and shallow at times, they're all I have, so I hope you know how truly sorry I am for your loss. I totally "get" the pain your going through... how much you miss your wife, all the things that made up the ordinary moments of your life, watching movies together..., driving places without her..., the empty seat at the dinner table..., etc., etc. etc., The one true love of your life is gone..., your "person," the one who always had your back and you always had hers...

I lost my husband, Bob, on April 11, 2021. He had many chronic illnesses, cancer being one of them. From the beginning of 2018, until the day Bob passed away, I was his full time caregiver. I'm emotionally and physically drained, way past exhausted, so need to stop "talking."

I hope that you will continue to post here, and give us the opportunity to get to "know" you. Lou, one of our friends, came up with a name for us, The Grief Warriors (TGW.) Together we can and will get through this!!! Our name says it all!!! WE ARE THE GRIEF WARRIORS!!! We are here to support, "listen," share our stories, what helps us make it through each and every day, and to provide a safe place to yell, scream, vent, or cry..., all without judgement.., just lots of love.

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thanks, Deb! Hope you sleep well, too.
Hope you see my reply to your illegal,
LONG post ( haha!!), about Edaville
Railroad. You & I agree on so many things.
I was called an "empath " recently. I think
you're one, too. Peaceful dreams, Deb.
Thank you for catching me before I go
to bed. It's almost 11pm, which is a half hour to an hour later than usual, but I
collapsed into a nap earlier this evening.
Look forward to Sunday talk.I think it
will be warmer tomorrow, which will be
more pleasant on the Neck, and better
for my friends who own shops there. Lou

 

Stacey, I appreciate that Deb gave me
credit for TGW. It came to me one day ,
when I saw how the local veterans, of
different wars, never "left anyone behind".
We bolster each other's hope here. I've
been quoting Deb a lot recently, bc we're
both "empaths". You are, too. Stacey. Well,
past my bedtime at 11pm, so I'll wish you
pleasant dreams, and look forward to
"seeing" you tomorrow. Lou

 

Deb,

Thank you for being so sweet and encouraging! ♥

Lou,

I love the name you came up with for the group. I also love It's A Wonderful Life. I cry every time.

You both definitely use your superpowers (of feeling deeply - including the pain of others - not just sympathizing, but completely empathizing and encouraging. Making others feel understood and supported. It's very important and very much needed. Especially here) for good.
Yes, I believe I am an empath as well. I am learning how to manage it and use it for good. Instead of just crying a lot and wanting to hide from the world, because everything is overwhelming. lol

I need to stop here and watch some Brian Regan (comedian - because he makes me laugh and has for many years) and lighten my thought load before I go to bed. ♥

 

Thank you, fellow empath, Stacey. I like
how you put Deb & me in one late night message, bc we think a lot alike. Deb wrote to me late last night like you did, & it was
great to see your replies this am. Linda &
I loved Brian Regan. His self mocking
voice & funny faces made us laugh out
loud. I remember him reading the
instructions ----slowly------to baking "pop
tarts". I-m glad Linda & I went to many
comedy clubs, and even sat with one of
the comedians after his show. I gave him an idea.for his act, & was thrilled when he
used it in his next show. I love your
California vibe & detail, despite the fact
that your state has so many problems
( since we went there in 1997), that
people are fleeing to Texas. Tennessee,
and Florida. Lou


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