some things i realized

I tend to dwell on my losses. There seem to be many.
Some losses, you can reclaim.
Some are permanent.
I've lost too many at a young age. I learned about life and death very quickly.
Some were old age .
Some were sickness.
The devastating permanent losses that I have suffered, are the ones that keep me up at night.
The catastrophic life altering losses that
robs you of every ounce of your sense of being.

The losses that make you truly believe that you are alone.
Even when you are surrounded by people who would do anything in their power to retrieve what was taken from you.
The losses that make you question everything, and question who you are as a person.
The losses that numb your soul, and take joy and purpose out of the things that you once loved.
The losses that change you as a person, and in turn, change the strong relationships you had with friends, siblings, lovers, mothers and fathers .
Losses that compel you to allow lifetime friendships fade away.
And you are releived.
Losses that turn you cold and distant, in fear of losing again.
Because losses like that, are unbearable and monstrous and you just can't do it again.

 

I’ve been through therapy- they call that type of loss “freezing.” Some part of us never thaws, but we can improve with help.

I froze again very recently. It’s a temporary state that happens if we are over pressured by others.

People tend to sense who will respond to their pressures and who won’t. God bless you

 

I believe that loss becomes internalized and stays a part of who we are. I, too, have endured numerous losses since childhood and believe it is why I developed chronic depression at a very young age. It makes every death that much harder to take and rips one more hole in the fabric of the soul. Until we feel depleted by death and loss.