So Alone

call me geo

 

Sorry to hear you woke up so
early. I called you by accident
last night ( one ring), then I had
to go to bed. I know you have a
landline, and can't do texts. I'm
about to walk out the door for
the day, even though it will be
raining on & off. I bring an
umbrella, but it's important for
me to get outside and talk with
people, even a person who works in a store, or a waitress
behind breakfast counter. You
may want to try that, Bruce. Lou

 

I’ve been crying my eyes out. But for a very different reason. Today is my daughters 10th anniversary at her company. She is getting so many accolades, so much praise and wonderful things said about her that I can’t stop crying but for a much better reason then usual. I wanted to share my happy feeling with my GIC family. Ron and I have always been very proud of both of our children and to see that others see it too feels wonderful. I know Ron is watching and such a proud Dad right now. Both our children learned their work ethic and dedication from watching us run our business. Just wish we could go through these moments in person and together.
Just wanted to share a happy thought for a change. I’m thinking of you all as always and wishing strength and peace for us all.
Robin aka Summer aka Proud Mom

 

Thank you for sharing your
joy & pride for your daughter
with us, Summer. Congratulations to both of you.
Thank God for The Grief
Warriors. They have taken the
place of my grief counselor, and
I can "talk" about my sadness
and loneliness, as well as my
joyous dancing with my new
female friends this year. I'm
going through an uncertain
time right now, with both my
finances & health worries. I took
a train this morning on a gloomy, rainy day,and unexpectedly teared up that
Linda isn't with me physically.
Like you & Ron, we looked out
for each other 24/7. I plan to
dry myself off & go out dancing
tonight, like Linda would have
wanted for me. It's good to be
with other people,and smile, and
even laugh, even if I feel like I'm
a sad clown sometimes. Lou

 

Awe, Thank you Lou! I wasn’t sure about posting about my daughter. But then thought it’s happy news for a change. I’m sharing. She got a nice bonus too.
I’m sorry to hear of your financial woes and health issues Lou. I know nothing would feel better then to have Linda by your side. She’s with you and always will be. I know it’s hard going through these things alone. I miss Ron even more when things like you mention are going on. But you do have a family here that's happy to offer support in any way we can. I’m wishing you the strength to over come both issues. I’m glad you got yourself out even if it’s a gloomy day, getting out is the best medicine. And being with your new found friends and dancing the night away tonight. Try to stay positive even when it feels so hard. I understand your sad clown analogy, that’s me sometimes too. But I’m noticing lately that the pictures my daughter takes, my smiles are less fake or strained. Things change so slowly. I hope the sun comes out for you today and helps bring a smile. I’ve had a lot of rain in the past couple days. But I have sun now. Beach on Sunday! Summer

 

hello

 

anyone here

 

Your timing is uncanny, Summer. Like our good , wise,
and funny friend, DEB, you know just the right words to
lift my spirits. Since Linda's death , I've become more
spiritual. I say a silent , short
prayer of gratitude every
morning , when I walk by the
ocean, that I'm still alive and
live in this beautiful place.
Amazingly, when I came home,
and got off the train, bright,
warm sunshine replaced the
rain. We expect a sunny
weekend like you. I love the
summer, like you do, but this
year, I'm going to try to enjoy
the other seasons, incl. even
winter, which isn't as bad as other states. My fatigue level
has been worse lately, due to
worrying. Instead of giving into
a nap, I'm going to walk outside
into the sunshine, and breathe
the fresh air. I agree with you
when you advise new members
to do that. Whatever happens to
me in both my financial and
health situation, if negative, can
never equal the worst day of my
life when Linda died. I think we
can all agree that was a truly
earth shattering moment. Lou

 

here it is a nice day alone. i just cant keep from cryin. why did terry have to pass. i know she would want me to be happy but how can i. i am tired of livin. but........

 

I just managed to get on line,,, It's one of those days and I'm so tired with no motivation myself. Just cry as much as you need to I'm here for you!

 

Do whatever it takes to get through theses days and feel better. I keep trying to.

 

George, my day shifted AGAIN
since I wrote Robin about how
the sunshine lifted my spirits,
and I was planning to go out
dancing tonight, and forget about my financial & health
worries. Then, it turned dark,
& rained like hell. I was exhausted and just wanted to
come home.Early bedtime
tonight, but that's OK,, bc it
should be sunny next 2 days,
Sleep well. Lou T. at rest...,

 

Lou I’m sorry the sky opened up and ruined that sunshine you needed so much. You are so right in saying nothing compares to losing our soul mates. Nothing even touches that feeling, that loss. I’m sorry your stress is causing fatigue, we’ve all been there. But stress sure does bring on fatigue. I’m glad you’re getting sun this weekend to lift your spirits. Rest well Lou. And get energized for your weekend of sun and dancing. Robin

 

OH Robin, how I feel for you, I wish I could give you a hug. Congratulations to your daughter and to you and Ron for your fabulous upbringing of your two children. I can so relate to your desperate tears for not being able to rejoice with that one person who was a part of you (still is) but Ron definitely smiled the biggest smile ever when his daughter received all that marvelous acclamation. Your story brings me back to my daughter's graduation day, when her university professor announced top marks and special acknowledge for her law degree and thesis. Everybody in the room clapped and cheered, I don't know how I got the strength to cope with that, suffocating my tears, stopping myself from breaking down and putting on a happy/sad smile and a brave face. Of course, once home, I let it all out, sobbed and screamed. One of the first things my daughter had said when she saw her dad leaving us on that life-shattering Sunday afternoon was that he'd never see her graduate.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful event Robin, wishing you a warm, sunny and peaceful day at the beach.
Rose

 

Lou, you've come up with a very appropriate expression "sad clown". I'm sure us GWs have often felt that way. There is always that underlining feeling of melancholy and heartache during joyful moments, a sad tear behind that laugh. It's my birthday and obviously it's going to be hard but I will try not to let my kids see me too distressed, I may cook a special lunch for them and "whip up" a dessert, just to try and be positive for their sakes.
I'm sorry you're going through health issues, I hope everything turns out for the best and I'm glad to hear the rain has stopped so you can have a sunny weekend, dancing your shoes off! You're enjoying yourself and keeping fit at the same time, doctors are always telling us that we need to get lots of exercise for our heart and blood circulation, lots of fresh air, which we all find a particularly effective stress release for our minds.
Wishing you a good Saturday night fever.
Rose

 

God Bless you, Rose, and Happy
Birthday,even if you have to
put on a show for your children.
You are a great mother. They are
lucky to have you, and you're
lucky to have them. As far as
birthdays go, I have a fond
memory of mine,when my grandparents celebrated them with me. I loved
them more than my own
parents, bc we had unconditional love for each other. I feel blessed that I knew
them,bc Linda's grandparents
had died before she was born.
Even though my grandparents
died when I was in high school,
I recall their kind faces as if it
were yesterday. I have a
bittersweet memory of them,
though not as powerful as the
one for Linda. Last 2 nights, I
was exhausted from my worries
and the difficulties of walking in
the rain. I amazed my female
dance partners when I said
" Lou Travolta was staying
home". It felt good to have their
sympathy. The woman who had
gotten me dancing in the first
place, saw my financial plight,
and offered vegetables which
she grows in her garden, which
I gladly accepted. She reminds
me of Linda when I first met
her: fun, with sarcastic , but
not hurtful ,sense of humor, and
lively eyes & smile. I try to think
of that Linda and not the "sad
old woman" she called herself
at the end. Damn it, I just made
myself have tears in my eyes, and I'll stop before I depress
everyone here. It's a beautiful
Sat morning , and I plan to put
my troubles away and enjoy the
day and evening. Thank you for
your kind words, as usual,Rose,
and I hope you can enjoy the
rest of your birthday. If not, the
day after..... Lou

 

i cant believe the so called weekend is here. there is no week END every day is same ole same o. i want my life/wife back but its gone. NOW WHAT

 

Thank you so much Lou, and thank you kindly for your praise, you have made me smile and given me a boost with your friendly words of encouragement.
That was a sweet story about your grandparents, lovely memories to cherish, I never really got to know mine very well, because we lived in different countries and only saw each other once a year.
I can understand how you surprised your female friends by not going dancing because of the rain. I'm glad the sunshine's back.
Don't ever worry about depressing anyone Lou, we are all here to listen and comfort each other. It's such a relief to have a place like this where we feel at home, belonging to a special, safe "nest" , finding that empathy we need so much which we just don't get with any-one else who hasn't been through the same pain of losing a soulmate.

Hope the sunshine will keep brightening up your weekend Lou Travolta. Your lady friends wouldn't be pleased if you missed another dance night!
Rose

 

home again

 

Thank you , Rose, but my
dance partners didn't know the
real reason I didn't join them the
last 2 nights. It wasn't the rain.
It was bc I was very down &
angry at myself that I had been
spending money recklessly
by dining out every day. Initially,
my grief counselor thought it
was a good idea, so that I
wouldn't be alone & sad at home.
But, I overdid it, and have to do
everything in my power not to
be homeless again, like I was
with Linda.Now that my rose
colored glasses about Linda are
off, I can see why I half jokingly
invited her as "an honorary
member of the manic depression
club". The fact is that she, too, was delusional and thought our
money would be there forever.
I'm seeking aid from a kind
org, and have told my sympathetic dance partners
that though I will dance with
them at free events, I will not
go to bars to eat, or drink. They
are kind & understand. I'm
looking forward to dancing with
them tonight, & at an outdoor
place tomorrow afternoon.'Til
our next "talk"....... Lou