One nit mare after another is my life ever going to just be calm

My entire life has been one not mare after another. I’m so tired. Me myself have hade female cancer twice and kidney cancer. My son got sick at 8 had to be home schooled they diagnosed him with juvenile remtoid arthritis stage three in over ten joints I had watch my baby be in pain every day he is 18 now doing better. In all that mess I was married to a controlling husband. Over yrs he did brain wash me. Last two yrs was with him started beating me was with him 24 yrs. He almost killed me and I got away from him that was 8 moths ago. I had friend start msg me help me threw the things that happened with x. After few months me and my friend start casually sleeping together. That goes on few months. In last month I realized I was falling for him. He had been hurt before did make clear he didn’t want relationship so didn’t say anything about how felt. We had kept our friendship quit my x was harassing. He had two friends knew I had two knew. Then what I never thot would happen did he had died early one morning about three weeks ago. I feel like going die. We never had chance to start relationship to see what if. Few days after dies his best friend tells me he felt same as I did he had fell for me as well. We both kept things quit. That made me hurt worse. I didn’t go say goodbye because his x the mother to his kids. No one knew I was just crazy women crying. I can’t stop have no one talk to about this. I don’t know how to get closer to say good bye to him. I keep asking myself y do I always end up with the sad ending we’re my happy ending it doesn’t exist.

 

Wow girl, you've gone through so much...my heart and prayers go out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss, I can relate lost my Aimee in march 14 2020. We were soulmates and loved each other a lot. One thing we did is always told each other how special we were to each other. If you ever need talk,open up or just vent. Feel free to contact me. Jonathan a man of many Experiences....

 

I'm am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad your son is actually doin better though. You being a cancer survivor is a blessing. Dont beat yourself up too much for not explaining how you felt because I'm sure someone deep down he knew you felt something for him. If you think about it you'll prob see times where he showed you how he felt. This is a good place to talk it out though. Mayb seek some help too. Go to places yall shares together and reminisce. Let it out anyway you can. Write a letter to him put it in a container bury it or RIP it and let go in the wind. Releasing your feelings. Praying for you.