My son is now in the emergency room of St Mary's, Lewiston, Maine

David and Paul,

I couldn’t agree more that it’s a great by-product of this site, finding people from all over and making bonds and friendships. That I believe will last a life time. This site or the people on it have been such a great source of compassion and understanding and have gotten me where I am today which is so much better then when I signed up 5 or 6 months ago.

Paul, I have trouble watching tv ever since Ron passed too. Ron would watch tv so much and now it just doesn’t feel like something I want right now. I keep it off all day til maybe 7:30 pm. In our upholstery shop when it became just the 2 of us working we had tv on to watch while sewing or installing pieces for medical rehab equipment. Certain shows we watched every day etc, I just can’t go there. I mostly kept the house quiet til David was able through his songs and music postings pull me out from under a quiet rock. Every time I’d play music some of Ron’s favorites would play, I thought it be good but I’d cry a river and turn it off. Then I’d slowly here and there listen to David’s cathartic music and still tears but much better. I actually have music playing most the day now. So thank you David for that.

I haven’t lived in many places, in fact I live in the same town I grew up in. For a time both my brothers and sister lived here too. Close knit family and we all wanted to stay close to our parents. My sister got tired of the small town and after multiple moves she moved to Fl, my younger brother moved to KY but he moved back, different town but a couple blocks from my daughter. I have definitely traveled the east coast a lot, but that was our plan after retirement, to travel the USA. That was Ron’s dream, to see America and enjoy life.

The news, ugh, yes we need to know what’s happening but I can’t listen all day. Just too much. And I go out for a drive to get out of the house and see all the grocery stores with parking lots full. Does anyone stay home? I don’t remember the last time I was even in a store. But trying to get groceries delivered has proven to be very difficult here, so I guess I understand people need food and supplies.

I do love nature, love the spring, wish it would hurry up. Love the rebirth of everything. I have so many plants and flowers coming up, birds are migrating back, I think of how Ron and I would enjoy nature together and work in our yard together, I miss that. But I made him a memorial garden I’ll be working on as soon as it warms up. For now, looking forward to a drive on the beach with my daughter.

We’ll have a better tomorrow, soon I hope.
Robin

 

Robin & Paul,

I record only the programs I want to watch. So I have time slots for the weather. I make sure to select the time slot that tells us the weather. The others time slots are never watched.

As for news, they repeat themselves like a record over and over, so again I selectively record one daily news time slot locally, and one nightly world news time slot (ABC). Every show I watch is also recorded, no commercials for me. I am selective, but still get the entire picture. This approach maximizes my time, no zombie watching for me.

Then I also watch videos, happy stuff, and of course music, anything that will bring a smile to my face and perhaps one day others. I have quite a bookmark library.

I never miss my favorite series, again recorded. I never miss a movie. The beauty of my system, I watch what I want when I want. Time shifting shows are my friend, as my time is too valuable at this stage in my life.

We also get the local paper, so we are aware of what happens locally and unfortunately who has passed. Weird times, my sons have to have travel papers back and forth to work, here in Maine. With our state under Stay at Home orders if you don’t have a valid reason for being outside you can be fined $1,000. Scary I know.

Life right now has made us all make changes to our lives. We don’t have to agree, but just to be safe we all have given up some of our freedoms. Take care.

-david

Here is the rain for our flowers.

 

David,
Yes I agree the news is so repetitive, no need to keep watching. I guess mainly just the numbers change. For the first time today we saw some numbers for NY showing how many people are better after having the virus. Nice to hear something positive e for a change. NY is only requesting people to stay home, we have parks open for people to enjoy by all playgrounds closed. We don’t have Travel Papers of fines for driving when you don’t have them. So how do you get food and supplies? I try to place orders but it’s proven to be almost impossible.
I agree everyone lives have changed and I think most people are ok with that so we can get past this. I feel terrible for people who are mourning a recent loss during this and not being able to have family and friends come by and offer support, and no funerals. I hope enough people are staying home and we can get past this.
Love the song
Robin

 

Robin

If only the news media could realize how each of us need hope. If only they could show some news that could brighten our day. That is why so many people have left the news, they don’t want to be constantly depressed.

If they have children, why can’t they see they are also hurting the ones they love so much in life. One day perhaps in a future we both have not seen yet, hope will be reborn. It is about time we saw some positive numbers, we all need to hear it.

It is so sad we are shut in. Like stepping into a closet as the hurricane approaches. If only for tomorrow the sun will once come out and shine upon us. Our hearts will start to heal. Our eyes will start to lose those tears we all witness daily.

Robin, I agree with you anyone no longer wishes to hear all that hate. It is not healthy. It even does not help those who preach it. When they are done, when they walk away, they may think they are happier for a moment in time, but then life will once again smack them right in the face.

In my mind I am a healer of sorts. One who tries to facilitate help for us all. Sure I may not always win, but I feel better inside for having reached out to those with troubled minds. I am sure so many of us have so much love to give one another, we just need to find a way to express ourselves and let others see they too are capable of love, not hate.

Being separated as our loved one slowly passes into death is so hard to accept. Grief is so hard to face in those situations.

I once went to a funeral for my favorite uncle. His wife was poor. She did not come. The remembrance for him was in a small room 8 by 8, with chairs and a table. On the table was a Coke can and a picture of my uncle Stanley. He had taught me so much in life, just like a father would. I loved him so much and when he passed his death was so hard to face.

I have learned in life, we are promised nothing in life. How we present ourselves to others, how we interact is who we have become. Some people might never change, but others one day might feel a spark inside themselves and wish to change. Wouldn’t that be glorious?

Yes, the travel papers are real. My brother in Florida tells me he is also faced with the very same thing. However, you are ok to travel to get food, to go to the doctors, to the dentist, medicine and stores for supplies that are still open. That is awful Robin, isn’t there anyone to help you get these necessities of life? I will say a prayer and hope things get better for you and everyone else.

For now peace be with you in heart. May your own sorrow start to slowly clear, and those precious tears slowly start to be less and less.

-david

This song is for you and the one you lost in life Ron.

 

David,
NY got some more positive news today, for the first time the number of cases weren’t higher then the previous day. That’s great news! I pray that continues. I hope that starts happening all over the country.

I have my daughter who has gotten us both supplies. But I hate sending her out, I’d hate her to catch this while getting my things. When she goes out she’s very careful and washes everything she touches when she get back home. I try to place orders so things arrive without going in stores. I placed an order last week that included free delivery last Monday, they said it got too late and I had to either cancel or reschedule. First date I could get was today, still not here. I don’t think my order will arrive at all. But Stacey is willing, she won’t let me go in stores and I agree I shouldn’t. But if she got sick, I can’t take care of her. UGH! I’m fairly sure my younger brother would get things for me too. I worry about him, I’m not sure he’s being careful enough. I know he would help me get supplies though. I’m not good at asking for help, not my nature, neither Ron or myself asked for help.

This will pass eventually and life will feel so much better. You know, you lose your loved one and feel life can’t get any worse, then this happens, and gets piled on top. I have to believe this will end and life will feel so glorious just to get back to our normal life, which includes missing our loved ones.

I agree with your statement, how we interact is who we’ve become. Nothing would make me happier then for my sister to feel that spark and want to change. She has done things to all of her siblings that none of speak to her. I won’t go into how poorly she treated me after Ron passed but it’s not forgiveable. But if she felt that spark you mention and she made an effort to change, her life would be so much happier. However that would be like some really crazy magic trick, because she’ll never change.

Speaking of, you never know what tomorrow will bring. My older brother retired because my cousin passed a month before Ron, then Ron. My brother is older then both of them, and he said seeing them pass made him take a look at his life. He said to me, I know Ron never got to retire and enjoy life without work and it made me realize I have no idea what tomorrow will bring I need to enjoy my family, my grandchildren etc. so he retired. Made me happy that he realized life doesn’t gaurentee there will be a tomorrow and that although so sad how he realized but Ron was a part of that wake up call. My other brother although not married he’s been with his girlfriend for 10 years. I consider them married. He treats her more like Ron treated me since Ron’s passing. More caring, gives her more of his time and calls her more often. So losing Ron has in a way taught my family how to live. And that’s a good thing from a very sad loss.

Nothing in life gives me more pleasure then helping others, trying to help people find their way. Or to get through today. This site has been such a help to me, I’m thankful every day that I found this site and the wonderful caring people on here. But I also feel that when I reach out to people and try to help them on here, try to give positive words or compassionate words, that also helps me. I almost feel selfish that my posts to others helps me so much. You have definitely said things to help me through this horrible journey.

Thank you so much for the lovely song. Ron continues to be my everything my inspiration, the reason I try to move on.

Robin

 

To all who listen,

What a time. A moment with great reflection. One with many sorries. At times we say so many prayers.

Reaching out is such a hard thing to do. Sometimes you don’t want the answers. Some we may find it so hard to face.

As I am sure we all have faced personal crises in our lives. I know it is not the best thing to try to look forward to, but because we are in such times, with subtle symptoms our heart might race.

I know those in the health field have faced so many sorrows. So many losses, so much pain, a witness of fate taking control. Nadine used to tell me how depressing it was training in the emergency room, while attending Anne Arundel nursing school in Maryland.

But she had answered a time in her life when she felt helpless. Alone in the house and your youngest child choking and then turning blue. After that, while we lived in Maryland, I was working my shift at the National Security Agency, and afterwards would head to my job at the computer store.

We always had so many times apart, we had to find a way to exist without one another. When I would come home at night, doing this 6 days a week, and 16 hours of work, I was not a lot of help to my family other than monetarily. Nadine and I would pass each other as we left for what we had to do. It was a long two years doing this. But it wasn't long after this I was sent to South Korea.

So Nadine took her conviction to school and received her certificate eventually. I know we all make so many sacrifices for our children. We would lay down our lives for them. It becomes second nature as a parent.

I guess why I am sharing these thoughts, I am trying not to think of tomorrow. Some nights after I crawl into bed I am out like a light, still others, events that still haunt me, make sleep come in patches. We throw our feelings into our nights, and so that next day is such a mystery.

I don’t want to wish my life away. But, I don’t feel capable right now. I think we all might. So days are ones that I approach with faith. It is out of my hands. Mike is starting to cough. Hoping like heck it is just the dryness in the house from the winter heat. For now this dad will hope like all of us do. Peace be with all of you.

-david


For now I play this song, if only for reflections of the past

 

David,

Thinking of you and your sons. This that we’re living through is so difficult. Praying Mike’s cough is just that, a cough.

All the best,
Robin.

 

Sorry for your tough time. And I think it’s crazy they can’t test. Hopefully it’s not the virus but the not knowing isn’t a good feeling. Hope he is feeling better as well as you. Crazy life this has become.

 

Thank you Robin and Skies,

Today is such an unknown to us all. We have no idea what the day will bring, or what lies on the horizon.

He has no fever so there is that.

-david

 

Your sons in my prayers may there be hedge of protection around your family and you my brother.

 

Jonathan,

Thank you for your concern. Christopher my son seems to have beat whatever he did have. Peace brother.

-david