My Mom Died Yesterday

Hello
My mom passed away yesterday 2026/10/11 , she was 78, her birthday was october 4th 1948, her name is sally so recently just had her birthday as you know, and atleast she was happy that day, she been going threw alot of back pain, very sore legs at random times, and being a smoker for over 60years, she had to take t3 which was really onlything that made her cope, also was taking auro-alendronate once per week 70mg, and gabapentin for nerv pain .....so ya she was doing so well pain wise, but even with all that pain, she still tried, and i can see she loved me to much she kept fighting and being there for me, short history of how all this happened, this all started about a year aog? , before that she had some minor aches and pains but nothing that needed meds, but oneday, she had her grcoery buggy, and it start to run off, she reach out for it, and at that time something happend, and her life went to hell after that, this was in 2025 i think around december, so ya she been suffering so bad ever since, she did do cancer test and nothing showed but a spot on the image tests, but they said it was mucus buildup , so she used a puffer, and it seems to help remove it, so ya i am in shock cause she recently also took some antibiotics, and everything seemed ok minus her back pain, onething i did notice is her voice sounded like she was out of breath the day she passed? i asked her are u ok, ur voice sounds weird are you breathing fine? , she said she was fine, so didnt think anything of it, but now with me being a worry wort, i shoulda just phoned a ambulance, now i wish i did, its all my fault, because if i did, she probbaly be with me now still, i hate my life and i always now always sad and crying, and i am all alone, i have no friends, or family left, any friends i did make are all online, nothing real, as i was a loner gamer who mainly played WOW and other games, didnt leave to go anywere but get gorceries or go out with my special mom and do stuff.
now i have no one to talk to, hang out with nothing, i am a emotional wreck . saw this site when googling about mothers passing and figured maybe this might be a good place to help my grief or make new friends. i just dont know what to do, i am alone in my apartment, which after this month, i might need to leave since i dont have the rent for it as my mom was paying it, and im on disablity , so only make so much the day after she passed is horrible, i get goosebumps and shiver everytime i walk into the living room were she passed, i lived in the bedroom she lived in the living room ( was her choice, she didnt like bedrooms ), but ya the day i saw her pass, i grabbed her, and she was so cold, and her head was looking up at me with no breathe or pulse, but a girgling sound, i was helpless, i dont know when she passed, cause i gave her gabapentin at around 12:30am, and she took ti fine, so from that time till around 2am when i went back to see if she wanted mroe t3's thats what i saw the horror of seeing my mom dead all cold, eyes open looking at me and not breathing thats all i see now and it makes me soooooooooooo sad i start crying so hard, she was my mom and BFF , we did everything together, why this is hitting me even harder, here 1 of 2 pics i have of her , wish i had more , i tried to upload a tiny video of her, but i guess to big for site, she was such a very tiny lady, like tiny ..everyone liked her