Lost mom in October

I lost my mom to cancer in October…
-we had no idea she was even sick, -
-doctors kept diagnosing her with a UTI.
-it affected her brain from the very beginning and even though she fought for 10months she never fully came back mentally.

I feel like my Insides have been ripped out… I’m so angry and so exhausted from being angry all the time. I have a 4 year old and all I do is think about all she will miss out on with my mom gone. I don’t know how to accept that’s happening. The things I had to witness in that hospital over her 10 month stay haunts me. I question ever decision I made with her care, I blame myself for so much. I feel completly alone without her and I don’t know how to go back to the person I once was.