Loss of my soulmate

looks like my time is over

 

how can i join my wife

 

Cheryl Lynn,

I just typed you, what Lou calls one of my books, then by accident, hit the wrong key, and now my response is MIA, probably floating in cyberspace, never to be seen again, for eternity... Keeping this version short, and hoping I don't run into any more technical difficulties... I just deleted most of the second version too. Maybe my reply just isn't meant to be, lol... Will try once more...

At the risk of sounding like a parrot, your parents were very blessed too, to have you helping your mom take care of your dad. The way you describe those days, brings back so many memories... Every morning began the same way. I asked Bob how he was feeling, and he always answered the same way, "As long as I'm on the right side of the dirt," it's a good day." Then I took his temperature, checked his blood sugar, and his heart rate. I recorded the numbers in a small journal, so if it was necessary for me to call his PCP or an ambulance, I would be able to give them as much information as I possibly could.

On the good days, I helped him wash up, get dressed, and after he was settled back into his recliner, I made breakfast for us. On the bad days, I helped him get washed up, dressed, and back into his recliner, then I quickly got myself ready to go. I packed a bag with healthy snacks, filled our water bottles. I got him his rollator, and helped him into the car. After a long car ride, I would pull up to the cardiac ER. His PCP notified the staff to expect us, so once I helped him inside, he was triaged ASAP. Then I had to find a place in one of the old, very dark, and crowded, parking garages, and walk back to ER.

The wait began... On the good days, he didn't need to be admitted, and we were able to go home. On the bad days, I would stay with him in the ER, while we waited for a bed to open up. Sometimes there was one available quickly, and other times, we had to wait in the ER for most of the day. Once he was settled into his room, after I had a chance to talk to the doctor, if Bob was stable, and resting comfortably, and it was almost rush hour, I left, but if it was earlier in the day, I stayed with him, and took off right before rush hour traffic began. Other times, I stayed overnight, in a recliner, next to his bed.

On the worst days, I had to call an ambulance to take him to the local "hospital," I'm being polite, and trying to keep this G rated. Once he was in the ambulance, I got ready ASAP, packed a small bag with things I needed to spend the night in a chair, if he was transported to the large, teaching hospital, where all of his specialists worked.

It was always a fight at the local hospital to get the doctor on call to agree to call an ambulance to get him out of there, and into the teaching hospital. The staff at the local "hospital," hated me. I was successful in getting him out of there most of the time by being super assertive, a polite/nasty (b)witch. If it was up to the "doctor," in charge, he/she would have kept him there, even though they had his medical records, and knew he needed specialists for just about every body part, and weren't equipped to handle his needs.

It was all about the money. It's as though every time they saw Bob being wheeled in on a stretcher, dollar signs lit up in their eyes... They didn't give a f*ck about Bob, TUTTAM!!! As you can probably tell, it's way beyond challenging for me to keep things G rated when it comes to this "hospital," TUTTAM!!! I'm beginning to ramble on and on and on, something I unfortunately do all too well, lol..., so will wrap things up by saying that you said it best when you said "exhausting is an understatement!!!"

I'm so glad that the gift of time, made it so that you could find closure after your dad passed away. Closure is so important!!!, TUTTAM!!! Unfortunately, I still haven't been able to find closure. I think it has something to do with the last 24 hours of Bob's life, one of the only times I wasn't successful in getting him out of that "hospital," and into the teaching hospital. I believe that it's up to God when our time on earth is over, so I believe that it was Bob's time to (physically) leave me, but instead of being treated like "garbage," something to be discarded, and forgotten about, if he was in the teaching hospital, he would have been given the dignity he deserved, that every human being deserves, at the end of his/her life.

Backing up for the last time for now, the "doctor" on call that night, told me he would have called an air ambulance if the weather had been better, (it was a calm, clear night/early morning, WTF???), but he told me this only after we had been in the ER for at least 7 hours, when I ran out into the hall, yelling for help, because Bob told me he was having chest pain. The "doctor" on call finally decided to call an ambulance, but it was too late. The ambulance took almost an hour to get there. The EMTs and all available staff, ran into Bob's room, but after about 45 minutes, I knew he was dead. From the supply closet where they let me wait, because I told them I needed to be alone, that I didn't want to wait in the waiting area surrounded by people, having to deal with noise from the TV, I could see one of the doctors taking off his gloves and tossing them into a trash can.

The local "hospital" doesn't have a cardiologist on staff. They didn't even bother to keep Bob hooked up to a heart monitor, well aware that he had suffered a major heart attack in 2009, and that his chances of surviving another one were slim. There is lots more to this story, but a couple paragraphs ago, I was going to stop here. I want to end this by saying that many people think I should have filed a lawsuit, but for many reasons, I decided against it.

Before I go, onto much better things... Thank you for the smiles, something I can NEVER!!! get enough of. From your description of Maverick, I'm already crazy in love with him, lol... I'm picturing the expression on his face. It's absolutely priceless!!! I wish so much I could give him a real hug...

Thank you for the kind things you said about me. I'm not feeling like much of a bright light this afternoon, but I'm about to switch gears and take Skye for a walk. Fresh air, sunshine, and trying to see the world through her eyes, always lifts my spirits. It's amazing how we can take the same route every day, but each day, she's just as excited as the first time we went this way, always finding something new to explore... Dogs are the absolute best!!!, TUTTAM!!!

I hope you, lil Leo, and Maverick, are having as good a day as you possibly can, in this over the top, crazy, new world we've been thrown into.

Hugs, love, wishing you peace, all of us peace, Debi & Skye


















the last 24 hours of Bob's time on earth, I was polite, but assertive, a/k/a nasty polite. I had to be.

 

hi deb hy wont uc hat with me i had to let terry go with me alone. it will be 8 months next friday.

 

i had to take my wife off of life support alone. i am a mess after 8 months.

 

i am SO SORRY deb for your loss

 

im done over and out