Loss after three decade relationship.

Patti,

I don't know how this happened, but I responded to your reply to Jim, and it's now a part of it.

 

Hi Carole, I just found your posting, WONDERFUL
memories of the days back yonder,as a young girl
I spent summers with my grandparents down in
the Ozarks in Missouri, oh how I recall pumping
water, washing clothes in iron tub in yard, eagerly
waiting for grampa to hook team of horses , climbing
up next to him on the wagon, ( it was a day long
trip going to town and back ) getting flour in those
PRETTY flour sacks which gramma latter
turned into dresses (that she made for me and
my cousins)using treadle sewing machine.
(It was given to me after she passed)
Heating iron on wood stove for ironing clothes.
Doing my best trying to read postings from
everyone and reply when I can.
I am in the midst of a writing poem ,using my iPad.
It has been years. Back then words flowed
through my brain without thinking , it is
very difficult now, but I shall keep trying.
Carole we had a couple friends from Washington
Court House, when we was in Air Force in
Topeka ,Kansas. They, we and two other couples
from other states remained friends throughout
the years, now I am the only one left.
This journey of grief since God called Jack to Heaven,
hasn't gotten easier for me, I miss him everyday, I
call out to God to help me every day, HE is my strength.
I know Jack is in Heaven and no more suffering,
that in God's time, we will be together FOREVER.
Thanks for your posting to me, God Bless You and
All others here. Patti

 

Corrections: weathervane, not
"weathervain" and Dick Sargent, not
"Duck"! Would love to hear your Ron
story about Florida. We saw both coasts,
but were more used to the Atlantic. When
Linda became depressed at where we
lived, & was tired of the long winters,
she wanted to move to Orlando, rent,
& see if we'd like it. I had doubts bc of
Linda's aversion to crowds & noisy
kids going to Disneyworld. I made train
reservations, but when she was in the
hospital, she asked me to cancel them.
It was a very sad day for both of us. In reality, we couldn't take the Florida
summer heat, or living in AC, not
being able to walk outside. Lou

 

HI DEB, THINK I SHALL USE CAPS AS IT HELPS,
I AM HAVING DIFFICULTY USING THE FORUM
AT THIS TIME, PRAYING TO GET BETTER
FINALLY FOUND CAROLE,S POSTING PRIOR TO
SEEING YOURS. MAYBE YOU TOO CAN GET BACK TO
WRITING, JIM SHAREING HIS POEM INSPIED ME
TO TRY AGAIN.
ITS A QUITE DAY HERE, WILL GO FOR MY LONG
WALK WHEN IT GETS COOLER THIS EVENING.
KEEPING YOU AND ALL OTHERS IN PRAYER.
BLESSINGS, PATTI

 

Lou, I've been following your chats and everyone else. I want to thank you for mentioning "Center for Loss". I signed up and I'm glad it gives you comfort. I just received my meditation for today 12th regarding making a sanctuary for yourself, your grief and your soul.
I still don't type long due to my arm still aching, but good news is, this too shall pass. Blessings, Karen

 

Patti, good to see you on here again,
with warm memories of your grandparents, many years ago. As I told
Carole & Deb, I feel blessed that I was
able to know my loving grandparents,
& what unconditional love means. I think
it shaped me into the empathetic man I am, today. Sadly, all of Linda's grandparents died before she was born.
She had an unhappy childhood, when her
younger brother died from a rare illness,
at 10, when Linda was only 12. Linda's
parents neglected her, & she had to
turn to kind uncles & aunts, for comfort.
She had a glass half empty view of life,
but I was more optimistic about the
future. Lou

 

Hi Lou, I hope you are feeling better. Ron and I only went to FL. on rare occasions. The trip we made for his brother's (Eddie) memorial was sad, but the drive down was funny. As to not break the trip into 2 days, we would take turns driving. Ron hated going through Atlanta, so we always made sure it was my turn. Anyway, I was asleep, woke up and saw a 40 West sign. Didn't think much of it, thought it was letting drivers know it was the next exit or something. Saw another 40 West sign, then another, I then asked Ron " Aren't we suppose to be on 75 South?" His reply "We are", my reply,"I don't think so, have seen 40 West signs the last 5 to 10 miles". Well. turns out he made a wrong exit somewhere along the line, we stopped in a little town at a convenience store, only thing open at 1 in the morning. The girl told us how to get back to 75 South with out getting back on 40 West. While I was asleep, Ron had driven 200 miles out of the way. Getting back on the road, he had nerve enough to ask me why I didn't tell him we were going the wrong way. At that we both burst out laughing. I giggled for about an hour, each time I thought of it I giggled.

Ron was not a traveling or vacation type person, didn't mind that I went with my parents, and after my Dad died, my Mom and I would travel down South. We also went to Vegas, traveling back from California when my Uncle passed away, we flew over Vegas at night, we decided we would have to visit. I loved traveling, seeing different areas of the country, seeing new things, experiencing new food (fell in love with red beans and rice in Louisiana, ate it until I got sick). I miss those days, I miss my Mom and Dad, I miss the fun times with Ron. We did some silly things, I can remember all those times with a happy heart.

I will close for now. Take care, stay safe. Sending hugs, smiles and good thoughts your way, Carole

 

Hi Patti, Hope you are doing better today. Just answered Lou's post. Thank you for replying back to me.

The memories of spending time in Arkansas when I was little brings a smile to my face. I remember I wouldn't drink milk from the cow(being a city girl, I was use to bottled milk from the milk man), Granny came up with a milk bottle from somewhere, filled it when I was outside with the chickens, after I drank it, she told me it was from Bessie, her cow.
I loved my Granny, she passed away in 1971. She came up North to live with us when I was 10. Every year we made a trip South so Granny could visit with my Uncle, go to the family reunion. Daddy and my Uncle would go fishing in the Mississippi River. I have old photos of me with cousins(from both sides) nothing on but my undies, playing in the dirt, riding a tricycle, swinging on an old tire swing. I look at them and think to myself, was I really that young once.

The grief journey is so much harder than I anticipated. Reading other postings, seems like the more time that passes, the heavier the grief. The first few days after Ron passed, I was numb, didn't eat, sleep, roamed the house. 78 days later and I am still doing much the same thing.

Good you are back to writing poetry. I wish you all the best. Jim's poem was awesome. I will close for now. Take care, stay safe. Carole

 

Carole, your reply to Patti about your
early years on a farm, reminds me of one
of my favorite TV series, the ORIGINAL
Lassie, with Jeff ( not Timmy), his kind
mother, and wonderful grandfather,
who had a pick up truck. I was allergic
to dogs, so we couldn't have one, but I
loved how Lassie warned the family of
danger. I make up for it now, bc I'm
friends with many dog owners & their
dogs. For some reason, perhaps the
end of summer, I've been down lately. I'm
glad I see the young, married PT in the am.
When she gently touched my legs, and
showed such kindness, I had to choke back
the tears. When I told her about my many
moods from grief, she listened. She asked
how I was sleeping, & I said, OK, bc I
have a regular sleep schedule. But, as. I
learned from the Center for Loss website,
fatigue is one of the byproducts of grief.
I miss the power of touch. I haven't
been hugged in a long time. When I had
my breathing monitored recently, by my
nurse practioner, who used to see Linda
& me together,she rested her hand on my
shoulder. She doesn't know how much
that meant to me. Lou

 

Carole, loved your Florida story. Ron
acted the stereotype of men not wanting
to ask for directions, or admitting they
were wrong. I told Linda she was a
better, calmer driver. If someone
tailgated me. I would angrily pull over
to the side of the road, & mutter under
my breath. Fortunately, I didn't engage
with anyone who might have road rage,
sometimes fueled by alcohol & drugs.
Las Vegas brings back a happy memory
of our wedding in an island chapel ( no
longer there). Lou

 

Hi Lou. Lassie( with Jeff and Timmy) was a staple in our house, so was Gunsmoke, my Granny had a thing for James Arness. I think back, if Granny and my Mom knew Miss Kitty was a lady of the night, we probably wouldn't have watched it anymore. Do you remember Sky King? Saturday mornings were cartoons, Sky King, Howdy Dowdy, a couple other kids programs. I don't remember if Mickey Mouse Club was on on Sat. I did have the mouse ears, Mom and Dad bought me the hat with ears, there was a pull on the side that would make the ears move.

The end of summer is coming to a close, faster than I would like. I hate closing up the house earlier and earlier.

I miss the human touch also. I miss Ron holding my hand(he had big hands, engulfed my hand in his). Crap, now I am going to cry. I miss him making coffee(he made much better coffee than me), I miss him walking through the house, miss seeing him in his computer chair, miss sitting on the porch with our coffee, just enjoying one another' s company.

I will close for now. Thanks for listening. take care, stay safe. Hugs and smiles, Carole

 

Hi again, just saw this post, another funny road trip story. We were going to the fair grounds in Xenia Ohio. Ron thought he remembered how to get there, he didn't. We drove around in circles, I spotted a horse trailer 2 cars ahead, suggested it might be a good idea to follow it, they were probably going to the fair grounds, he grumbled, but did follow it, it was going to the fair grounds. I was a safe driver, I did mutter under my breath at crazy drivers though.

My Mom and I had blast in Vegas, I even won $700 playing the slots. We stayed on Fremont St., would take the bus to the Strip, spend the day, have lunch, cruised the casinos, take the bus back, then watch the crowds on Fremont St.

Going to close once again. Take care, talk again soon, Carole

 

Hi Carole, (Deb, Karen, Jim, Lou, Robin and others here)
Deb had asked me to post.the new poem when I get
it done. I seem to be slow, am in process of writing one.
I will share the last poem I had written dated Febuary-2-2007
when Jack asked me to write one for him.

"TIME"
Time is not just a minute or another day,
It's a lifetime of memories stashed away.
So many of those memories that we hold Dear,
Far too many shed many a tear.
Our Faith and belief will see us through,
God walks with us daily -with me and you.
The path we choose is ours for the taking,
The joys HE will give us are HIS in the making.
One day together in Heaven we'll be,
Promise of life together FOREVER for you and me.
Time goes on beyond with abundant treasure,
One day we will be together, what blissful pleasure.
Time waits for no one it goes by so fast,
What we encounter in loving one another is what will last.
Take hold feel the sun, the wind blowing,
Together what waits for us is knowing.
Life's treasures are beyond what life holds in store,
Heaven has to offer so much more.
Our PRECIOUS ones God has in HIS care.
Giving each back to HIM, is so hard to bare.
Hold onto this time if God wants it to be so.
Time doesn't stand still and he wants us to know,
Time isn't just to be here another minute or a day,
It's a lifetime in ETERNITY forever with HIM to stay.
Thank you God for allowing this to be,
For sending your Son Jesus, for each of us you and me.
Written by me Patti 2-2-2007

 

Carole, your gift for nostalgia makes me
smile. I DO remember Sky King! That's
funny about Gunsmoke & Kitty. Years
later I found out that Peter Graves, of
Mission Impossible, was the brother of
James Arness. I loved Mission Impossible,
both the 1st season, with the very serious,
dark haired Steven Hill, then, Peter Graves. Barbara Bain and Martin Landau
were married, in real life, at one time.
On a Sat. night, I watched ALL the TV
Westerns. Life was simpler then, when
the good cowboys always won. I'd like to
see a Western movie of the 50s or 60s,
when it comes to my local movie theater.
I think if I get involved with another
woman, she will either have to be close
to my age, so we can share cultural
memories in music, TV, movies, etc. The
alternative is a younger woman, but with
"an old soul", who may have watched
repeats of older shows from the late 50s,
& early 60s, like The Andy Griffith Show
and Twilight Zone. In later years, I liked
St. Elsewhere, about a Boston hospital,
with many actors, who have become
famous. I also enjoyed Hill Street Blues,
a realistic police show, which real cops
liked. Remember when police were
respected, as well as our American flag?
Linda & I were on the"same page",which
makes me miss her more. She became
more sedentary ( & depressed) with
diabetes, but was able to watch her
favorite shows with me, like NCIS. Lou

 

Thank you , Patti, for your beautiful
poem, TIME. I never wrote poetry, but,
growing up in New England, appreciated
the poems of Robert Frost. A few of his
lines, and yours, express so much emotion.
Lou

 

Wow, the slot machines bring back
happy memories. I remember Fremont St.
I liked the sound of the coins, before most
casinos switched to push buttons. rather
than the more vigorous " one arm
bandit". In later years, we went to the
Native American casinos in Connecticut.
If one wins at slots, the trick is to walk
away. The trouble is there's no place to
walk outside the casino! Glad you & I
were able to experience Vegas, a unique
place. It must have been something,
with the "Rat Pack" of Sinatra, Dean
Martin, Sammy Davis. Jr, & Joey Bishop.
Lou

 

FANTASTIC PATTI, JUST FANTASTIC. I WILL PRINT THIS OUT TO RE-READ AND RE-READ. THANK YOU, KAREN

 

Good Mon. morning, Carole. Needed
quiet night at home last night, away from
people. A couple asked me to go to the
CHEERS bar last night, but I didn't go for
2 reasons: 1st, I had gone with my friends
on Friday night, which isn't a date night,
& 2nd, the married couple, with their
chatter, reminded me of what I was
missing---Linda. Woke up this am, and
played songs on my phone: I cried through
the Sinatra song, Love's Been Good to Me.
The fact is that Linda & I were "rovers"
who "hiked a hundred highways, but never found a home". When we finally
moved to a place by the ocean, we weren't
in a good living situation. The guilt I
sometimes feel, is that NOW I'm in a good
place, and Linda didn't live to see it. When
I heard the stirring Sinatra song, My
Way, I sang along & lost it, when I got to
the part, "What is a man, what had he got,
if not himself, he has not....." Glad I see the
kind PT this am, even though I was too
depressed to do the "homework" of
leg exercises. She'll understand, bc I cried
in her lab room. I postponed my weekly
Mon. phone therapy 'til the afternoon.
Day should get better, with help from 2
professionals. Hope you have a good one,
Carole. Lou

 

Good Morning Lou, I am so sorry you are feeling down and sad. The memories, thoughts, regrets, guilt, do pop up at the most unexpected times, they do cause the grief, the tears, to flow. I went to bed fairly early, slept okay, not feeling so good this morning. Not sure if it was something I ate, sure playing havoc with my stomach this morning.

I am sure your PT will understand. From your description of her your messages, she sounds very caring.

I need to lay down, I will talk again later. Take care, Carole