Loss after three decade relationship.

Patti,

I hope the tornado alerts are over, that you and your dog, are safe. It must have been scary having to shelter in the laundry room for four hours! I hope you and your dog, were able to enjoy a quiet, relaxing evening...

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace.

 

When I visited my wife in the hospital, I wanted so much to take her home. I knew that being home would bring her happiness. I knew she wanted to be at home. It didn't happen the way I wanted.
The last picture I mentioned I will treasure. Even though it is in a hospital room. It is that smile that I want to remember and treasure. Just thinking about this brings tears. Tears of sadness and tears of joy.

Yes the twist and turns of grief. It is the path each of us walks.

 

I have sold my home, waiting for home inspection. Looks like my oldest granddaughter and 2 greats will be moving with me. She needs the help right now. A different path than I could have ever imagined. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other..

 

Memories, as Lou said to me in a post I wrote yesterday, are so "bittersweet." A friend said to me last week, that although she is so sad, if she could go back in time, she wouldn't change a thing. I agreed with her. In spite of all the sadness, I wouldn't change a thing either. You, my friend, and so many others here, have been blessed to have experienced true love, a connection so deep, that it is impossible to explain in words...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace.

 

Thanks Deb, yes, it was so scary. So thankful no one was injured , damage was minimal
in community nearby me.

 

Glad you made it through okay. And your community also.

 

Thanks Oneman, I have been dealing with anxiety and it seemed to make it worse
am looking forward to getting out tomorrow.

 

I'm so relieved you and your dog are okay!!! I'm glad there wasn't much damage in the community near you too.
I hope today is a much better day for you...

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace.

 

Patti,

I should have read your response to Mike before I replied. I'm so sorry you're having a rough day!!! I've been having a rough day too. I'm going to go through my closet and pack up a bag of things that are in good condition that I'm no longer wearing. I hope getting out of my house, even if just for a short while makes my day a bit better. I'm glad you're getting out of your house tomorrow. In the meantime, if you need to "talk," we're here for you.

Sending more hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace.

 

Hi Deb, glad you are getting out today. I hope it will help. Yes, I am so thankful
that I shall be free from being confined indoors. I had lost too much weight,
will have to do that too. I need to make myself eat better, doesn't seem like any food
tastes good anymore. Thanks Deb for posting back to me.
Praying for us all, hugs Patti

 

Patti,

Please take care of yourself the best you can. I hope you will be able to eat more again soon. If you can't eat much, try to eat as healthy as possible. I haven't cooked a "real" meal since my husband died. Even cutting up vegetables to make a salad seems like too much work. I've been buying the healthiest frozen meals I can find, and zapping them in the microwave. I've been eating way too many bagged salads.

Unfortunately, going through my closet was a trigger for me. It seems like every top, pair of jeans, pair of shoes I picked up, held either a happy memory of good times spent with my husband, or a sad memory from the past couple of years. I doubt anyone, but those of us who have experienced the total heartbreak that we've experienced, could ever understand this. I managed to pack up a large bag of clothing and a couple pairs of shoes through tears. I also packed up some blankets that I don't need. I immediately dropped these items off at Goodwill. It made me feel a bit better knowing that others might be able to use things.

Monday I'm going to start volunteering at an animal shelter that is very close to where I live. Before I met with the manager, I was able to go into the cat room. I played with an adorable kitten and an adult cat who was quite timid at first. They made me smile. For now, I'm going to help out wherever help is most needed. In the fall, I'm going to walk the dogs and help socialize the ones who have had a rough start in life. I'm looking forward to volunteering. I need to find my purpose in life again, and I know whatever it will be, animals will be a part of it.

I hope you have a good day tomorrow and enjoy time away from home.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace.

 

I get the whole thing with the clothes. I cleared out all of Mary's clothes and took them to donation. Most of those clothes I was with her when she bought them. The memories that came up about those trips to the store brought smiles and tears. Mary would have her style, but would ask me for my opinion. "Do I look better in the red top or the green one?" "Can you see if there is a purple on of these shirts?" We had fun. I always enjoyed those moments. And it is these kinds of things I miss.

To quote a line from the movie "The Natural", "There's nothing like working with animals..." An animal shelter is a good place to volunteer. I've had rescued dogs from shelters. Enjoy your time with the dogs..

I think someone, like any of us, needs to find themselves again. And their purpose. It is good that I gave my time, effort, and energy to Mary during all the years we were together. I think I need to find myself again. Discover who I am and what life is for me.
Not that I didn't know while Mary was here. Just a new chapter and a new start in my life.

May each person find themselves again.

 

Patti, thank you for saying my name along
with our other friends here. It's Sat.am,
Aug. 21. I have fallen behind in the
"thread" conversations, & just read your
entry today. The summer is racing by,
& this is my favorite season. Not just
for the warm, sunny weather, but for
being able to talk & laugh with my
friends. Had breakfast at an outdoor
place, with a guy from Florida. He comes
to my seaside Massachusetts town every
summer, for 3 weeks. I just met him 2
weeks ago. After Linda died, and some
time had passed ( with much sobbing &
retreat to my apartment), I decided to
get out there & see people, old friends &
new. Sometimes, I cry in the morning,
while shaving, bc I'll have an image of
Linda's smiling face, or I'll hear one of her
many funny phrases. I push myself out the
door, & the day gets better. Hope you're
doing OK today. Lou

 

The everyday moments in life, everything my husband and I did together that I took for granted... Trips to the grocery store, deciding between grilled chicken or fish for dinner, trips to home decor stores, looking for that perfect picture, lamp, etc. for our living room, long walks by the ocean, watching the sunset, browsing optical shops, deciding which pairs of glasses we thought looked best on each other, cuddling on the couch, watching a movie... sharing a private joke, my husband making me laugh until tears streamed down my face... I could go on and on and on, so many little things that filled our days..., our nights..., that at the time they were happening, I didn't appreciate them enough. Now that these everyday moments are gone, I feel as though a piece of who I am is gone too, a part of my "history," has vanished. All the "remember when's" that we talked about while driving somewhere, while at the kitchen table, while lying in bed before falling asleep, the "remember when's" that sometimes made us laugh... are gone. Although they will always be cherished memories, they're not quite the same when I can't "relive" those moments with anyone but my husband.

As I've said so many times before, I believe there is a reason why we're still here. In order to "find myself again'" as you put it, I know I need to make it to the end of this miserable grief journey. I hope volunteering at the animal shelter, will be the first of many small steps forward, towards reaching the end of my grief journey.

As always sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace.

 

Lou,

It makes me smile hearing that you're enjoying the summer. It gives me hope, that one day, I'll be able to enjoy life again too. Thank you for sharing this.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace.

 

Deb, your words about the "little things"
with your husband, made me cry. I tend
to think of Linda in the morning, when
I'm getting dressed to go outside. Jim's
words about missing shopping for clothes,
was different for Linda & me. As Linda
had to use a cane, & then, a walker, she
didn't want to go to a crowded dept.
store in a mall. She ordered our clothes
via catalog, instead. Once in a while, I
choke up when I put on a shirt that she
ordered for me. When I'd walk outside
with matching short-sleeved shirts &
shorts, & wore sunglasses, she would
call me "Joe Cool". We used to laugh,
but now I just miss her smile, sense of
humor, and get sad. That's why I want
to continue with this Grief in Common
group. Lou

 

Lou,

Grief is always going to be with us. We have to learn to live with it. We can't control our emotions, but as we reach out to others, talk about our feelings, rediscover who we are now that our spouses are no longer with us, do the things that make us smile, (hopefully) the very worst memories, although they'll always be with us, will slowly fade into the background, and our days will be filled with more happy moments than sad ones.

Your posts always give me hope for the future, because even though you still have sad moments, you do everything you possibly can to take care of yourself, and to do the things that bring you the greatest joy. I know this would make Linda happy.

I'm glad that you want to continue sharing your thoughts and feelings with all of us.

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB














Sending you hugs, wishing you peace. DEB

 

Thank you, Deb. I agree with every
word. After my 1st 2 years with a
grief counselor, I said goodbye. She was
obsessed with COVID, bc her older
brother had been on a ventilator, &
almost didn't make it. I told her I didn't
want to discuss masks or vaccines, or any
news for that matter. She appreciated my
honesty , bc some of her clients would just
slink away. Now, I talk with a very
different therapist, a man who helps me
navigate through relationships with
other men, & recently, with a woman I
just met. I'm playing it cool, bc I want her
as a friend. Her life is complicated right
now, with a daughter about to enter
college, & a Rottweiler puppy! Lou

 

I'M HERE YA'LL AND READ EVERY POST. MY ARM JUST GETS TIRED, CANT WAIT FOR HEALING SO I CAN SHARE MORE. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HEARTFELT POSTS. I RELATE TO IT ALL. KAREN

 

And I, too, read all the posts. Thank you for sharing, each of you. It helps.