Losing my Mom to suicide was almost unbearable.

My Moms dad had left when she was very young, She raised her two younger sisters and cared for her Mom until she was 17. By then her Mom had become so paranoid and dilusional due to schizophrenia that she had to be commited, her sisters were placed in foster care. Soon after she married my dad. One by one the six of us kids were born and would eventually give them 24 Grandkids. Both of my parents had always worked full time. Starting out as a caregiver my mom eventually went to college and became a licensed RN. Soon after that my parents divorced. She worked for the VA hospital for 35 years. She never complained about anything, and never once raised her voice to any of us kids. Her Grandkids were her hobby. She'd have two or three at a time over on her day's off. Baking, hiking, or just going to a park. She was so loved and respected by everyone that knew her. Then one day I get a call from my brother telling me to get to the Hospital right away, mom had shot herself. The bullet had gone into her heart, she passed before I could get there. Her's was the first memorial to be held at the VA Hospital she worked at since they opened in the 40s. Everyone that knew her was shocked and devastated, but the anger didn't come for me until years later. I agreed to have my moms belongings brought to my house. We all picked things that had sentimental value to each of us, the rest I packed up and kept. I always knew there had to be a reason for what my mom did, when I finally started going through her files and documents, which she kept meticulously, I found out what it was. My oldest brother had been battling MS for about 4 years. He had 4 children, his wife had passed two years earlier. My mom bought a house and moved him and his children in so she could care for him. When she turned 59 1/2 she took an early retirement. Her bank records showed that she had only recieved two retirement checks totaling less than $200.00 in over six months. House payments, bills and the costs of caring for my brother had broke her finacially. She never said a word to anyone about any of this. The only thing she had left was the the life insurance policies she had been paying on for each of her kids for over 35 years. They didn't have treatments then for MS like they do now. When my brother could no longer walk or speak she was forced to place him in a nursing home. I'm sure she thought his share of the life insurance would be enough to cover his care for the amount of time he had left. She had no way of knowing that some lunatic working for the state would refuse to pay him his share because " he's already getting SSI I'm not giving him this too. It didn't matter anyway, he passed only weeks after she did.

 

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother and brother.

 

Thank you.

 

How are you holding up? You have been through severe trauma in the loss of your mother. Our 28-year-old son also committed suicide. I think sometimes people feel it will be easier on those left if they are not in the picture-how very wrong they are.
I love you.
Chris

 

Every day there is a new challenge. This week will be a tough one. I too am so very sorry for the loss of your son. It is the absolute inconceivable loss. That of your child. Not the order of things.....it leaves you shattered. Prayers and love your way.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your son Chris. They were so wrong to think that anything would be more painful for us to go through than losing them. Thank you for listening and for sharing.

 

Jean R and C Marie,
The loss of anyone we love deeply is difficult. Thank you for your kind words.
Take good care of yourself. These losses are not only very stressful and difficult emotionally, but also physically. You will want to keep your health for when you begin to feel a little better.
Love to you both,
Chris