Lonely after lost of my husband 6 months ago of 47 years

My husband passed away March 28, 2018 .
We have 3 children and they can’t seam to understand that I need them to at least act like they care!
My husband passed away 6 months ago after a year of battling sercoma cancer and I was his only caregiver which was fine , but until he got sick we did everything together, the 5 years before he got so sick we traveled and we enjoyed meeting new people at every RV resort! Life was fun for the most part , but now I don’t have anyone to talk to or go out to dinner or even care for , the children have the own friends and lives and don’t seam to want me to be apart of their lives . And I feel like a charity case if I do ask for help ; I try not to ask them for anything. If not for our two little dogs I don’t know what I would do.

 

Hi Betty, it can be difficult with children who really can't understand what you are going through. I have 5 grown children and lost my husband of almost 50 years a little over 2 years ago. We were self-employed for the last 45 years and spent nearly every day together. He was healthy as a horse when I noticed a lump under his chin in January 2016. A biopsy confirmed cancer and he passed suddenly 6 months after the diagnosis despite being told 3 days earlier by our physician that the chemo was "working" and things were looking "very good". It all ended in the blink of an eye. No more business, no more building our dream home, no more going to the boat every weekend, no more RV travel but more importantly no more soul mate, no more spending time together, no more companionship, no more happiness. Kids, although they have lost their father, go back to their own lives with their spouses and children. Unfortunately, they are unable to comprehend your loss and will be until they experience the same type of loss which will only happen if they are together a lifetime as you and your husband were. They have lost their father but you have lost your entire lifestyle. Because they don't and can't understand, you have to be the one with understanding toward them. They mean well. I have one son who just crushed me after my husband passed, telling me I was selfish and uncaring because I wasn't "there" for him at this time of loss in his life. He felt I was too self-absorbed with my own loss to help him through it. He could not understand the difference in losing someone you talked on the phone with every other month or so and visited with twice a year and losing someone that was your entire life. He will have to learn that in his own time. I have found that making new friends (who are widows or widowers) is the only way to have any type of social interaction now as my "married couple" friends are just that "couples" and we no longer share a commonality. Reach out to groups or people in your community who understand your situation. People you can talk to, cry with, and eventually laugh with. Although never the same, you will find a kind of happiness again and something to make you smile again, it just takes some action on your part and a bit of time. Your kids may never understand your loss Betty but they love you. (PS, I too have a little Maltese dog who misses "Papa" so very much and is just pure comfort and unconditional love - A lifesaver!)

 

Thank you for your advice, you are so right about not only the lost of my husband, the lost of the life style and couples; and no one truly understand it unless they have been there

 

I am in similar situation.. my husband passed 6 weeks today and I'm so lonely.

 

So Sorry for your loss! I know talking about it can be both helpful and hurtful but those of us who are here at least can empathize with you as we all have that loss in common. Sometimes sharing with others here can provide an outlet for your grief. I hope you can find some peace here in knowing you are not alone.

 

Sorry to hear about your husband. I did not lose a spouse, so I can't offer any advice in that regard. Pets are wonderful company and listeners - although they are obviously not the same as speaking with someone. If your children don't want to talk with you and you don't have any friends, are there support groups in your area? I know that being online isn't the same, but I find it helps. I hope being here helps you too.