Just lost the love of my life

Hi Lou, and thank you so much for your support and empathy. And I agree that you and I are alike in some ways. And I understand why when you are out walking and seeing your friends you are in a good upbeat mood, especially on mild, sunny days. And I feel like that may be because it is somewhat a diversion from dealing with Mr Grief. But at the same time, I also understand why when you are home you sometimes have "Survivor's guilt" And I don't feel like that is stupid at all, because of the fact that my grief counselor and I have had many discussions on the several stages of grief, and she has told me that there is no exact time frame as to how long a person can go through it... and so even though Linda wanted you to be happy no matter what happened to her, what you have been going through these past three years is totally understandable because it is the stages of grieving, and everyone here on GIC is experiencing that. And I am wishing for you to have more of those days in which you are out walking and in a good upbeat mood and enjoying your time with your friends on a mild sunny day! And thank you so much for your wish that we and all GW will have more laughter than tears. And I wish the same for you as well as all GW also. And know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts. Take care always,
Debra

 

Thank you, Debra, for your thoughtful &
kind message,as always. I happened to
wake up in the middle of the night, and
saw your post. Before I go back to sleep,
I just want to say I'm so glad you're seeing a grief counselor. She's right, of course,
about different stages of grief. I know,
from personal experience that grief doesn't
operate in a straight line. It is more like a
roller coaster, as some GW, like Deb &
Gary, have said. Pleasant dreams for both of us........., Lou

 

Rita and Alex, so sorry to hear you both suffer with arthritis, I can relate to all you have both shared. I suffer pretty bad as well. Right knee and hip make me walk with a cane. Ice packs are a godsend aren’t they. Alex I’m glad you liked your new doctor I hope you get some much needed relief. My doctor retired, I have an appointment with a new RA doctor in a couple weeks. I hope he turns out to be good. Arthritis can make us sit too much and that certainly brings on the emotions. Vicious cycle. When I’m hurting so bad I miss Ron even more.didn’t think that was possible. I’m sure you both feel that too. Praying for health, peace and better days. Robin

 

Good morning Lou,
And you're so welcome. And thank you for your thoughtful and warm reply. And hopefully you were able to sleep well after you went back to bed. And thank you so much also for saying you're so glad that I'm seeing a counselor. It has been so helpful to share my feelings with her. And I totally agree that she is right about there being several stages of grief. And you are right as well, grief doesn't operate in a straight line, and she and I discussed that as well. And like Deb & Gary and some GW have said, it is more like a roller coaster. And thank you for your pleasant dreams wishes. Thankfully, was able to sleep a little better than the night before last. And I hope you had pleasant dreams as well, and you will have a good and peaceful day. And I'm keeping you in my thoughts. Take care always,
Debra

 

Glad you slept better last night, Debra.
I'm in a good mood, bc we are having 3
days in a row, of sunny, 60degree temps.
My friends on the Neck ( with shops,
art galleries, & restaurants) are smiling
again, & so am I, after a cold winter.
It's still quiet here during the week, but
out of town tourists come on the weekends.
Next week, in Ma. , is school vacation.
When do your daughters have vacation?
Lou

 

Since last night I'm so sad, my tears don't stop running down my face, I'm so alone no body to talk, I pick up my drawing pad but....the tears continue...
Helena

 

Good morning, Helena
It seems there are a lot of tears for me too the last few days. I went to bed early last night, the emotional exhaustion finally caught up with me I guess.
No advice, just good morning and I understand the tears and being on our own.
Thanks for showing up here this morning…..
~Bernadine

 

Hi ,Lou.
And thank you so much. It's always good to have enough sleep, especially considering it's very rare that I sleep more than 6 hours a night. And I'm so glad that you are in a good mood bc for 3 days in a row you have been having sunny 60 degree temps. That's awesome!! And hopefully there will be more days like that! And it's so good that you and your friends on the Neck are smiling again after your long cold winter, and that there are shops, galleries and restaurants for you to enjoy. I went to visit my sister when she lived in Cambridge and she took me to Boston and I absolutely loved Ma.!! And I'm sure that the out of town tourists enjoy all there is to see and the places to go! It is so beautiful there! And my girls and I just got home a few minutes ago, we went to Yoga class this morning, and then out to lunch. And Im sure that the kids in Ma. are looking forward to their school vacation. And my daughters vacation begins on June 3rd, and ends on August 21st. And I hope you will have a good and peaceful rest of your evening. Take care always and know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts.
Debra

 

Helena, I'm so sorry that since last night you are so sad, and that the tears don't stop running down your face, and you are feeling so alone with nobody to talk to. My heart goes out to you!! I know exactly how you feel, because I go through the same pain every day! And it is just so completely beyond extremely devastating!! And know that I'm wishing for you to have peaceful days, as well as keeping you in my thoughts, and sending you cyber hugs.
Take care always
Debra

 

Alex, I hope that you are feeling a lot better and that you have been having some peace. My girls and I just got home from yoga class and having lunch. I don't know what we would do if we didn't go out everyday! It is helpful for us to keep busy as much as we can. And I'm keeping you in my thoughts. Take care always, Debra

 

Debra, I'm so glad your 2 daughters will
enjoy the summer off, and you can enjoy
it with them. If it's too hot, maybe you
could go to an air conditioned movie
theater, or museum ( is there an art
museum near you?). I find art museums
relaxing bc you can sit on a bench in
some rooms. I lived & worked in
Cambridge, when I met Linda in 1992.
It was exciting then, with a lot of people.
But, now, I prefer a small town, to a
city. Lou

 

Thank you so much, Lou. And although there isn't an art museum here, I used to go to art museums when we lived in Illinois, and I agree it is relaxing because there are benches in some rooms. And it is a great idea to go to an air conditioned movie theater, thank you. And there are several not too far from home. And it's awesome that you lived and worked in Cambridge when you met Linda. And I understand why you prefer a small town, to a city. As there are less people and quieter. Chicago is such a big city that people cross the streets in groups of many people, and it has changed so much over the years! And although I'm planning on taking the kids and going back at some point for a visit, I would not consider moving back because the Winters are extremely cold, and the crime rate has increased. My sister lives in Maine, and she loves it, but I have never been there, but it would be nice for the kids and I to visit her. And I hope you will have a good evening.
Debra

 

Greetings the grief warriors. I had my in person grief meeting yesterday. I have been absent 4 months. There were only a few people I remembered from before and at least a dozen more new. I heard a beautiful love story about a woman and her husband. They worked a farm together. She and her husband were always side by side hugging each other. Even when he could not move in a LTC facility she would get in the chair with him. So many other beautiful loving stories. It’s different seeing grief in person than reading about it. I told them if it wasn’t for my family on GIC I would be totally alone. And that I had already talked with 3-4 friends on GIC that day. I’m going to become a regular attendee again. Today I met with my healer Laura. I told her I have been very sad the last 2 weeks and can’t control my emotions. No more in person recovery meetings. Zooming only. I told Laura I have been angry stressed and cursing a lot. She referred me to the distress thermometer. Laura said its ok to get stressed about important things like grief, aloneness, health, family, bills, because they are high readings on the distress thermometer. It’s probably not ok to get stressed about not getting the key into the lock fast enough, not being able to find my phone, or making a stain on the carpet. Before I start dropping a bunch of F bombs I’ll see if it merits it. Laura explained When I’m feeling ok and I’m not suffering enough That is called recovery guilt. She asked how I would respond to someone else who was grieving? Would I be mean and critical? Of course not. Then she said why are you that way to yourself? This helped me. I hope it might help a Grief Warrior too. I guess I’m done playing Dr Phil. Thanks for listening. Gary

 

Gary, I'm so glad you're back in the
grief group with people who "get it". I
don't talk with a counselor anymore,
after 3 & a half years. But, I don't know
what I'd do without TGW, available 24/7,
even if I just want to vent. Someone
usually replies to me at some point. I
have to factor in the time difference. The
GW in South Carolina are in my time
zone, but many GW are not. Laura sounds
wonderful. I like her comment about not
being mean & critical to yourself. As far
as F-bombs, I say them to myself , if I'm
trying to catch a bus, and taking forever
to tie my sneakers & get out the door. I
play fast music to get my ass out the
door, like Gimme Some Lovin', by
Spencer Davis. Lou

 

Gary, I'm so sorry that you have been very sad for the last two weeks and unable to control your emotions. And it is so good that you met with Laura today! My heart goes out to you!! And I realize that anger is one of the stages of grief, as my grief counselor and I have discussed all of them. And I hope that you can get to where you can go easier on yourself. And I know how you feel, because I have been experiencing going through a lot of anger as well, and I'm trying really hard to get through each day. And I'm hoping also that you will have peaceful days. And know that you will be in my thoughts. Take care always,
Debra

 

Debra, I've been to Chicago, in the hot
summer, and to the coast of Maine, in the
summer, and I'd take Maine any day!
Hope you & your kids can visit your
sister there! Linda & I loved to go to
lighthouses, and I remember the one in
York, Maine. Lou

 

I know what you mean, Lou. The Summers do get pretty hot! And I'm thinking that it would be awesome for the kids and I to take a trip out there over the summer! And I'm sure that the lighthouses you went to were pretty cool! And I know we would enjoy going to see them. My sister lives in Bar harbor.
Debra

 

That's supposed to be beautiful. We
never made it there. We went to
Portland and ate lobster & other fresh
seafood in the many restaurants. Before I
met Linda, I went to Bangor, but didn't
like it bc it wasn't on the water. Lou

 

Hi Robin, yes- this arthritis can really grab you. I had it many years ago in my 40s’ and was put on Humira which put me into remission for many years up till 7-8 months ago. Unfortunately the Humira cause low resistance to bacteria and I contracted was is known as MAC. it caused some lung issues but have been able to deal with what’s come along. Stress is what seemed to have triggered my RA again. I’m not a big pill taker and my pain threshold is very high so this was a bit of a challenge since it has come back pretty determined. I gong that warm water is what’s loosens my joints and gets me going.
I do like my new doctor. He seems thorough and caring. I understand how you miss Ron so much. When we hurt they were always there. To hold our hands, massages where needed.
I hope your arthritis gets a good kick in the behind by your new doctor! in the meantime keep up the ice packs since they work for you!
Always in my thoughts and prayers.

 

In the pictures I have seen, they do look beautiful. And I know that Maine is famous for their seafood restaurants, and my girls are seafood lovers, so I'm sure they will enjoy going to some of those restaurants. And I'm with you in that I prefer to go where there is water, especially to the beach, as the air is so fresh and we love the ocean! I just wish that the closest beach wasn't three hours away...
Debra