Just lost the love of my life

Alex, I'm thrilled that you live near the
ocean. Linda & I traveled cross country
& saw the beautiful expanse of the
Pacific Ocean, when we took the coastal
route, famous towns like Malibu, where
the rich & famous, but not necessarily
good & wise ,celebrities live. I can only
relate to those who have suffered extreme
bereavement & loneliness, like we have.
Thank God for GIC. Hope your new doctor
will help you. There is a definite mind/
body connection, so I hope you have your
rest & less stress. I'm so glad your son is a
comfort , in your grieving. Lou

 

Hi Alex, Understand about the arthritis, I have it as well, especially in the right knee. I find that propping it up with an ice pack during the evenings or if I'm sitting around helps tremendously. I also purchased a knee support strap to help when I'm up doing things. Compresses the knee and helps the aggravation and swelling. Hope dr can give you relief and you feel better. I find if I'm sedentary too much, it makes me think a lot and at this point it's the last thing I really want to do. Hugs, wishes for comfort, peace, health, Rita

 

You're right, Rita. Being sedentary is so
bad for you. My wife, Linda, had diabetes,
depression, and lost interest in walking
outside, with her cane, then walker. She
was overweight which made her knees &
thigh muscles ache. She gave up. Her
only interest , beside talking with me,
was watching TV series & movies. She
eventually ended up in the hospital, and
then, a rehab wing of a nursing home,
for physical therapy, while she battled
breast cancer. One day, she collapsed in
front of me, and died soon after, of a
pulmonary embolism. She was 68. When
I look back, which I try not to do,I believe
Linda was doomed, by heredity, and a
stressful life. I say this without crying,
almost 3 & a half years later. I hope this
can be a warning for all TGW, about the
importance of walking outside as long as
you are able. Thank you for listening. I'm
walking outside, true to my word. Lou

 

Alex, I hope that your Dr's appointment goes well, and you can get relief from your pain.
Take care always
Debra

 

Greetings older brother Lou. I’ll gladly weigh in on Sleeptalk. I’m asleep by 11 PM every evening. I have to get up every hour and a half. I can tell time by how many times I’ve gotten up through the night. 5.5-6 hours of sleep is my average. I have a diet mountain dew with lunch and that’s it for caffeine. I don’t take naps. Reading the book Insomnia Solved helped me. Don’t watch the clock or have any caffeine 7 hours before going to bed. And we are supposed to get away from the blue screen 2 hours before bedtime. Lol! I’ve enjoyed reading the kind interactions amongst TGW today. I went for a morning bike ride. About a mile out I was thinking about making it a short trip but I ended up going 12 miles. A big german shepherd came at me real fast and I gently said “easy boy” and it walked beside me for a moment. A morning cloak butterfly cruised beside me for 10 seconds. My brain was able to release some endorphins and the mood improved. It started raining about an hour after I got home. Hope everyone has a good day. Gary

 

Gary, great to hear from you today. I quote
your "twisted amusement park " theme,
often, and just did, to Rita , who's having a
tough time with Mr. Grief at her door. I
finally have 60 degree, sunny day, & feel
great-- right now. I try to live in the moment. Thanks for your sleeping tips.
You gave me a LMSO about the German
Shepherd. I've used the same phrase you
did, when caught by surprise by a big
dog. I'm lucky the dogs don't run loose.
They are either on a leash, or in a
fenced in yard. Don't you have a leash
law in Indiana, Gary? Lou

 

Hello older brother Lou. I’m glad I was able to pay you back a LMSO because you’ve been generous with your laugh my sad off to me. Yes Indiana does have a leash law. But out in the country it’s anything goes. I’m glad the german shepherd didn’t sense my adrenaline rise. I am prepared for an attack from man or beast and will not go down without a fight. I have to admit it Mr Grief has captured me once again. I can’t find my way back to the hole in the fence to escape the the Twisted Amusement Park. (Deb321 gets credit for adding twisted) I’m getting so I don’t feel comfortable at in person recovery meetings. I abruptly left the meeting tonight. No one there has a clue. I’m tired of mindless happy talk. I do have some good news. I’m going to an in person grief meeting tomorrow. I haven’t been in 3 months. Cheryl would have loved the sunset tonight. A mixture of pink and purple with a hug glow background. All of our spouses know what we are going through. they say part of us goes with them. I believe that they know how we’re going to leave this world. And I believe they are certain of the coming reunions. I don’t think it bothers them that we are suffering because they can see beyond. I have had the feeling of Cheryl cheering me on. I hope others have felt that too. Sleep tight Grief Warriors. Gary

 

I feel that too, Gary. That they’re cheering us on. They see a bigger picture, the greater purpose of living. ~B

 

Bernadine, I got choked up thinking Linda's spirit is watching over me. It's a
hard concept to grasp, but, then again, so
is

my belief in God, which I've always had. L

 

Gary, I went to sleep at the exact moment
you wrote to me. I woke up at midnight,
bc my consumption of herbal tea
necessitated a visit to the bathroom.
I decided to check GIC,to see if my friends
on the West Coast had written posts. I was
happy to see you on here, & Bernadine's
reply to you about our spouses "cheering"
us on. I'd sure like to think so. I can
understand why you left the "happy
talk"of the recovery group, Before I joined
a much better GIC, I went to a widowed
persons group ( 20 all women, bc the men
dropped out before I arrived). At first, I
would ask questions , like how to deal
with holidays & anniversaries, and it was
useful. That''s where I got the idea of a
sad anniversary being just "one day",
which Deb liked. Thank you for giving her
credit for "twisted". That's wonderful
about your in person grief group. I'm
sure it will be better than mine was. The
widows spent too much time discussing
which restaurant to go to after the
meetings. I never went, bc I was in no
mood for happy talk. Your thought that
Cheryl would've enjoyed that sunset, is
like I felt at the end of the day. I was
walking home, and decided to sit, and
meditate, to the sound of a "babbling
brook" as it merged with the sea. I
conjured up Linda, who sat at that very
spot with me, & felt some peace. Glad you
have a leash law. A friend drove me home
recently. I live on a residential street. We
were startled to see a coyote walk by us,
swiftly, heading toward the woods behind
the houses. It was unnerving, and I
alerted a mailman, who was grateful. He
had enough trouble with dogs barking
ferociously from inside houses and out in
yards. I'm sure HE appreciates the leash
law. Lou

 

Hi Lou, yes the Pacific Ocean is beautiful. I don’t get out to it as much as I should. I guess it is one of those things we take for granted when we shouldn’t. “I’ll get to that tomorrow “ kind of thing. Then we regret. You know what i mean-
Saw my new doctor and really liked him. Was a very emotional afternoon and visit because i was in so much pain both phyla did emotionally. Got pain shot and meds and a plan to get better. I agree with the mind and body connection. The stress level from my son in the Sheriff’s Academy i think triggered the arthritis. Then Dave became ill and passed. It is overwhelming the emotional stress. Simply unsustainable manifesting into physical issues. yesterday was a busy day with issues and appointments. Today I can hardly get up and trying to take it easy.
Hope you day is good.

 

Hi Debra, appoint was good. Liked the doctor. Got some relief and a plan to address issues.
Had a bit of a emotional episode due to the pain and stress/grief. The nurses and Doctor were very supportive. Hope your day is good.

 

Alex, so sorry you've had to go through
this pain. I had some scary medical
emergencies, & had to go to the ER in
the middle of the night. I was scared, &
hated dealing with doctors & nurses,
without my wife, Linda, by my side. When
she died, as I've said before, I didn't care if I lived or died. But, I prayed to God that I
would live to see another day. Life is
short----and precious. I salute your brave
son, & all law enforcement, our military,&
first responders. I know that, as his mother, you worry about him. That's only
natural. But, this is the work he set out to
do. May God bless you & your son. Lou

 

Hi Alex. Glad to hear you like your doctor. I imagine he gave you a shot of Cortizone. I’ve had 2 menecus repairs and one knee replacement. Inflammation is another side effect from grief though. I noticed a lasting soreness in my muscles and joints after Cheryl passed. I just started doing the half squats and hold for 10 seconds. Keeping the weight on the heels. 5 reps and 3 times. It did improve the soreness some. I’m like Rita I have a ColPac rolled up in the freezer to use when needed. Hope your knee gets better. Gary

 

Hi Alex, so sorry to hear you're having some physical pain and also the emotional reactions that we normally have as we're grieving! I'm glad that the doctors and nurses were very supportive. When I lived in Los Angeles I developed
arthritis in my shoulder and joints (apparently pysicological) I took glucosamine tablets that help me a lot and improved after a few months. I remember the pain was horrible!! I hope that your pain gets better and you manage to get a good night sleep. I'm sending you my best wishes for a fast recovery! Helena

 

Hi, Alex
And I'm so sorry I'm late in my reply the girls and I went roller skating, then out to lunch. And I'm so glad that you liked the doctor and you got some relief as well as a plan to address issues. And it is understandable that you had a bit of an emotional episode due to the pain and stress/grief. And it's so good that the nurses and doctors were very supportive. And thank you so much for saying you hope my day was good. It was good while we were out, but then when we got home, I felt very depressed, and grief once again took over and I ended up crying... well, I hope that you will have a good and peaceful evening, as well as some peaceful days. And know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts.
Take care always
Debra

 

Hi Debra, my heart goes to you and hope that tomorrow will be a better day! It's so exhausting fighting this grieving, ups and downs and trying not to cry. I noticed that sometimes for no reason I get angry and don't know how to stop this constant change in moods. Today I got up and for the first time went for a walk, that was good to start my day without the sadness that most of the time invade my soul. Also I started drawing again and that makes me forget of my loneliness but today I was looking into my old drawings and found an sketch of Geoff that I did several years ago, so sad to see him well the way I captured before his illness, he was my only friend and I miss him tremendously. On the 23rd will be three months since he left me...I can't never will get used to this new life to be ALONE without him!!
I'm wishing you a peacefull night and I always keep you in my thoughts. Helena

 

Debra, you & I are alike in some ways. When I'm out walking & seeing my
friends, I'm in a good, upbeat mood,
especially on sunny, mild days. When I
am home, I sometimes have "survivor's
guilt", which is stupid,3 &a half years
after Linda's death. She had told me she
wanted me to be happy no matter what
happened to her. My wish is that you & I,
and all GW will have more laughter than
tears. Lou

 

Helena, I feel the anger, too, especially in
the morning when I'm getting ready to go
out. I miss Limda & choke up, but don't
weep like I did after she died. Geoff's
death is so recent that your emotions are
understandably raw. It DOES get better.
As GW know, we never "get over" our
soulmates' deaths, but we try to plow
through and have some joy, as our spouses
wanted for us.I'm so glad you've rediscovered your art talents, and shared
your artwork with us. Lou

 

Hi Helena, and thank you so much for your support and empathy, and for saying you hope tomorrow will be a better day! And I totally agree that it is exhausting fighting this grieving, both physically and emotionally!! And my heart goes out to you also!! I know how you feel because I also get angry sometimes for no reason as well!! And I feel like it is frustrating that we cannot control our constant change in moods! And I'm hoping that you will have good days that bring you peace.
And I'm so glad that you were able to have that walk before you were feeling the sadness! And It is so good that you started drawing again and that it makes you forget your loneliness! Drawing is a great way to express your feelings and it is so creative as well!! And I'm so sorry that the sketch of Geoff made you feel so sad... I know exactly how you feel, because Keith was my only friend and I miss him tremendously as well!! And I know that these 3 months have been extremely painful as well as devastating, and that it's like a new life for both of us!! And I totally understand as well how you feel in that you can never get used to a new life and being ALONE without him, because I feel that same way about Keith! And my night was somewhat peaceful because I kept busy with doing laundry after dinner, and hopefully you were able to have a peaceful night also. And thank you so much for reaching out to me, and keeping me in your thoughts! You are so very kind and empathetic. And I appreciate that so much!! And I'm keeping you in my thoughts also, as well as sending you Cyber hugs. Take care always,
Debra