Just lost the love of my life

Yes, I look on here every so often - I still need the support from people who understand - I still live with pain everyday but it is easing a little. Becoming a new person at my age is not easy. Take care.

 

Karen,

When you feel up to it, I think redecorating your "now" guest room is an excellent idea. As Nancy recently said, and I've found to be true too, it gives me something else to focus on for awhile, allows me to direct my energy in a much more positive way. I got an email saying my new place mats are on their way, and my new dishware will ship shortly. This brightened my morning. I have a a large wall that runs from the front of the kitchen all the way to the slider that goes out to the porch. I'm now trying to figure out what I want to do with all this empty space. My kitchen table is round, and one of the chairs is diagonally in front of the back corner of this wall, the other side of the same wall, our back porch. (Not sure if this makes sense, lol... Sometimes I have trouble trying to explain things.)

Originally, Bob and I were thinking of having him make a large shelve to put up along this wall, to display a collection of old bottles I used to collect (This brings back memories, now so bittersweet..., of when Bob and I used to enjoy going to flea markets and antique stores, taking numerous day trips, stopping along the way to enjoy quiet peaceful breakfasts..., lunches... usually returning home with something interesting that would always start those "remember when..." conversations. Need a tissue...). I could put lots of other things on it too, favorite pictures, etc., etc., etc. Another idea we had was to buy a very small rustic/distressed hutch to put against it, putting a few favorite antique bottles from my collection, as well as pictures, etc, etc., etc. on the shelves. It would have to be a very small piece because the kitchen, although a decent size, considering how small my house is, is much smaller than the kitchen I had in the house I will always call "home."

Back to you, just a thought... if you turned your "now" guest room into a den, filling it with things you love, making it feel like a peaceful place to escape when you want to read, listen to music, etc., etc. etc.... Maybe it would become one of your favorite rooms in your house... Although I'm sure it will always be so bittersweet whenever you go into that room, maybe you will begin to feel much more happiness than sadness... Maybe you will feel a sense of calm..., of peace... Maybe you will finally be able to relax..., Being able to relax is something all of us need so much!!!, TUTTAM!!!

Just a thought... whatever you decide to do, I hope you love it!!! I think this would make Jack both very proud and happy... I think this would be a wonderful way to honor him...

As always, sending you and Rambo lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Awe!! Thank you Deb!! Sending you love right back! I try to be be real and share what has worked for me. We’re all different but some things such as fresh air seems to help everyone. I’m also careful if my day is too emotional because I don’t want people just starting this journey to feel it lasts this long. I know we’re all different and people go through this journey at their own rate. But I never want someone to feel things don’t get better. They do, but there are triggers for sure. I kind of feel as someone who has 3 years in I want to share as much positive as I can but be realistic about it too. I love the friends I’ve made on here, each different in their own way. I’m jealous of Karen finding out that Nancy lives so close that they can meet in person. But So Happy for them.
Deb, I love to hear that you’re progressing. And your creative juices are starting to flow. That’s a wonderful thing. I have guilt when I start doing things I was always interested in. But I’m starting to get past some of that. I have trouble changing things that Ron and I did together. I feel the need to keep things the same because I feel I’m erasing Ron. Foolish yes. I’m trying to work past that. We all know our spouses want nothing but the best for us. I’m happy to hear that some of what I’ve shared has helped you on this nightmare we were put in. You’ve made my day.
My daughters little puppy, Slinky, is getting neutered today. So my mind is on him and my daughter. She’s pretty stressed about it. Staying on here a while to keep my mind occupied until we can pick him up.
Love snd strength to all. Robin.

 

Robin, I will always feel close to you bc
our soulmates died around the same
time, over 3 years ago. On my dark days,
her last day on earth feels like yesterday.
I am finally realizing that the good times
that Linda & I had, outweighed the bad.
I know what you mean about Karen &
Nancy being able to meet. I'm happy for
them, but my fantasy would be to visit
all TGW. You paint a vivid description of
your place, ( and the sometimes creepy
weather!), that I almost feel I've been
there. Lou

 

Lou,
I feel that connection too. We’re going down the same path towards better days, at the same time. While remembering and loving our soul mates forever. I can say without a doubt that the good times Ron and I experienced over the 44 years we had together most definitely outweigh the bad. I also hope that our connection here has brought our spouses together. All of them. And that they connect like we all do.
I have a pretty day today. Sunny but still pretty cold. I have a feeling you’re out enjoying one of your regular places and visiting with friends. I hope so anyway. Robin

 

Robin,still cold, 40s,but I don't mind bc of
the sunshine & blue skies. I think of
songs often which fit my mood. Willie
Nelson's "Blue skies....."comes to mind.
I treated myself to a great seafood
lunch ( good for the aging brain). The
owner couple greeted me warmly, bc
I'm a regular Monday customer. I came in at 11:30,& was the only customer, so I was
able to talk with the friendly wife. I told
her how good her food AND atmosphere
was. For the first time, we had a personal
conversation. I decided to tell her about
Linda who grew up here. I said that she
died before this restaurant was here, but
she would've loved it. I went one step
further & said Linda would've loved her
family, too, and she beamed. Her 2
daughters waitress there, one recently
engaged, & the other, with a baby, who
sits quietly in a booth with them. I
told the woman I was starting to get
sad, so I better order from their menu, &
both of us smiled. Lou

 

Me too MIA for sure. It got Warm! 60 wonderful degrees., took care of errand. Did some art. Really trying to feel better. You projeckt soundz great. Like some kinda Art against Kancer or Griefment, I dunno! Sounds way overwhelming right now. Just getting and responding to mail is hard enough! Thanks for the words of love...;. Another Poem that expresses my sadness...

Flying in as lonely cloud
I see nothing
Not even gods

Much love stuff and hugz.+

 

Gary, that's a really sad poem which
shows your deep loneliness without
Valerie. I hope someday you will write
all kinds of poems, maybe to go with
your art. You are going through a very
tough period of mourning for Valerie. I'm
glad you're reaching out to other GW,
like Deb. Lou

 

I did like the idea of changing the guest room which was Jack's room, but I can't seem to get into it. Not ready yet if at all.

 

We all handle our grief differently, what works for some just doesn't work for others, take your time and heal first......move at your own pace...sending hugs, peace and comfort, Rita

 

You're so welcome, Lou. And thank you so much for your warm reply. And hopefully you had a peaceful night's sleep. And I'm sorry for my delayed reply, I had an extremely bad night last night as well as day today, with so many errands to do, and so I hadn't logged on to GIC until just a few minutes ago. And you're so welcome. And I'm so glad that the temps there are getting better, and it has been sunnier, and that you have been walking more and seeing your friends downtown. That's so awesome!! And thank you so much for your kindness and for saying you hope that spring gives me new adventures and places to see, perhaps with my daughters. And I hope that you will have those new adventures also, and that you will continue to have better weather as well as enjoy the time you have with your friends.
And you will continue to be in my thoughts, and I want you to find some peace in every day.
Take care always,
Debra

 

You're so welcome. And hopefully you did have a peaceful walk, and I feel like doing art is always great. And it is so good that you keep trying to try!
And you are in my thoughts, and I'm wishing you peace in every day.
Take care always,
Debra

 

Robin you know I love you to pieces. I had to respond to your post because I want you to know that wanting to keep.things the same is not foolish at all. Like you said everyone is going through this journey at their own rate. Whats good for.one may not be good for.another. We just share what we have on our minds or what we do to help others in anyway we can as well as helping ourselves. Praying for.us all as we go through this new journey of life.

 

Nicole, ❤️ Yes I do know, we’ve gone through a lot together. Pulling each other up this steep mountain we’re climbing. Thank you so much for your kind words yet again. You always come through. Robin

 

Had a better day creatively yesterday. It was warmer. did stuff and art. Now ittsa 'nother day to get thru. Start all over again!

 

George, I thought of you this am, younger
brother. Warmer, sunnier weather helps,
but Mr. Grief sucker punched me while
scanning the headlines. The Rock & Roll
Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio, was
mentioned. I had a flashback to 1996. Linda & I had just got married in Las
Vegas, on Jan. 1st, & we were flying
back home to Boston. A snowstorm
forced plane to land in Cleveland. We
spent the night in a hotel room. Next day.
took cab to Rock & Roll Hall. I wept today,
uncontrollably. There was no sad, mixed
with happiness, as Robin & Deb say.
This was pure sadness. After the
"floodgates" , as Deb calls them, I walked
outside into the sunshine & fresh air, &
started to feel better. Took a bus to
nearby city, & stopped in at the Senior
Center, to have coffee, use the mens'
room, & get on GIC. It was good to see
you on here, George. We can help each
other during the dark times, and,
hopefully share the good times of spring.
Lou

 

Accidently fell into the grieving hole again and the pain is sometimes so difficult. I feel bad sometimes even voicing my sadness here because everyone has such a burden of their own to carry. Been crying for a while and just had to write something just to get through the moment. I think I'm pulling myself together and handling it all pretty well after just over a month, but suddenly the thought of him being gone just swallows by whole being and I feel I'll just collapse from the emptiness of not having him here with me. I tried working, but every tool i picked up, every nail I hammered just brought back how he won't be doing anything here with me again. I am so very sorry for all of us and those we have lost - I keep telling myself that this is a fact of life and everyone in the world has to come to terms with loss, but sometimes I just feel so completely overwhelmed. I guess today is my day with "Mr. Grief" - hope he's getting his fill here and giving others a break today......Sorry for the outpouring and thank you all for being here (even though I still wish with all my heart we didn't have to be) ... I know I'll be better again later today, sending hopeful hugs, peace, and comfort to all, Rita

 

Oh Rita, My heart breaks for you going through this emotional torment today. Don’t have guilt voicing how you’re feeling. We’re here for you and letting it out even in writing is important. We’ve all traveled the road you’re on and know exactly how you’re feeling. And it’s awful, and so very lonely. Your loss is so very recent. Rita I didn’t even search for a site to help me be in contact with people going through what I was going through until 11 months later. I wish I had but I had no desire no strength just grief that was numbing my being. Once I found this site and had people reaching out to me and I realized I wasn’t alone. I knew I could say what I was feeling with no judgement. And I started to feel some better, just having people to talk to. People who get it. And don’t say hurtful things that people in our lives say but think they’re being supportive. Take baby steps, make lists of things you would like to do or need done. And definitely let the tears fall. Let it out. And share with us. If you have people offer help or say what can I do. Try to take them up on their offers. Just having someone sit with you and have coffee is a good thing.
Reach out on here any time. Someone or many will offer support. I think you could use a big hug today, sending hugs and prayers, Robin

 

Rita, one of the best things about GIC, is
that you never have to apologize for a
sudden "outpouring" of grief. Deb & I
said the appearance of Mr.Grief at odd
times, is like a perverse version of
Allen Funt's old TV show, Candid Camera,
when he said you could be caught by the
his camera crew, "when you least expect
it".But, that was done for laughs. Mr.
Grief is one giant "PITA" ( pain in the
ass, but also head & heart). Mr. Grief
sucker punched me this am, over my
coffee. I had a flashback of Linda right
after we were married in 1996. I wept
uncontrollably, with a hand covering my
eyes, as I reached for kleenex. I cried
just like the day Linda died suddenly in
front of me,right before Thanksgiving, '18.
I said to myself, "REALLY??!!". I replied
to my younger brother, George, who has
been having a really tough time, missing
his soulmate, Valerie. My day got better
when I walked in the sunshine, & met a
friend for lunch. He's my age, married a
long time, but I've been able to open up
about Linda, & then we go on to lighter
topics. Hope your days get better after
letting out the grief. Lou

 

Lou, I’m so sorry you had such a rough start to your day with that headline taking you back to much happier times but now nothing but sadness. I get it and totally understand. I’m so glad you pushed yourself to get outside and felt the sunshine and be around people. Even though that brought tears as I read your story, I’m so glad you shared. It’s all part of healing. Take care Lou. Robin.