I miss my loving wife of 14 years

I lost Isabel on 12/24/18 to a sudden illness from an infection. We arrived at a urgent care they told us to go to the hospital. We went then everything went horribly wrong,and she died 4 hours later. My little Isabel how could this be we had our lives in front of us. She is only 43 the most loving person ever who put every one in front of her. Now the world and her students lost a mentor and a caring person. She is the only reason that I have become the man that I am. My mission is to live my life in her honor so that maybe someday I will earn the right to be with her again. I must say reaching out to a therapist and went to a support group last night has helped. I cry often as I see her smile every where in our home that was filled with love. Our two dogs evil sunny and Larry figured out 1 day mommy not coming home. I spend my nights curled up with them very close to me. Still its so empty at home and I call out to her and say I love you bebe

 

Mike your post is beyond powerful. I will return to this. Little overwhelming to read let alone live. Thanks for being here !!! Paul

 

Mike,
I am sorry you lost your Isabel!
I agree with Paul your message is powerful!
My thoughts and prayers are with you on this journey.
Linda

 

Thank you for those kind words. This is very difficult and I just wish that all who find themselves here heal. I thank you for prayers as i will pray for you

 

Paul you are wise this is not how I want to live. I have thought why me?at times. Then i realized if not me then someone else? No i will bear this and pay the price for loving and losing. So that maybe others will be sparred of this horible thing. Thank you

 

The first week of Kay's death was and is unspeakably painful.The saying, " Better to have loved and lost......" I debated the one really hard. I really considered mental check in. If not for friends I have no idea. A thought that even resembled rational was at least she is not in pain any more. That one connection turned the heat down enough. Mike you doing the right thing with therapist and group. Any positive tools you can use. Personally I am allowing two years with active work to regain myself. Same vow as you was written to her siblings, " We will morn her for how ever it takes and then we will honor her, each in our own way". Mike hang in there buddy. You are on the right road, it's just long!

Paul

 

Paul those are very kind words! Kay must have been a exceptional person to have been around. I admire your courage and it seems like you have a sense of direction on living with this. My daily struggle is reminding myself that i will absolutely be re united with her. You are correct when saying turning the heat down. Thank you keep going you gave me comfort.

 

Mike
Yes she ( was-is). A little tense issue. Like you I have to believe some one as beautiful as our wives has to have an other bite at the apple. No way all that goodness beauty is a one time shot. I don't care which version. I would guess the way you wrote that the out side package was great but the inner beauty was blinding. Really captured our attention most of the time. Yes direction is reclaim myself to have the vitality to in some why be to the world those things that she was. Her number one Ace was unconditional regard and acceptance of most all of those in her sphere of influence. The one Ace is of such value. She had many high cards in her deck.

Best to you Mike.

Paul