Dad was my best friend and I could always turn to and confide in him. I'm actually still in disbelief after 4 yrs about him being gone. My mind just struggles to accept it. The idea that I will never see, hear, hug, talk to, joke with him, etc, ever again in this physical realm is mind-boggling. I wonder how does anyone ever accept any of this, when they were so close to someone? I don't know how they can. I really have no one to turn to about all of this. My Mom doesn't like for me to talk so much about it and so, I just have to grit my teeth and bear it most of the time. Dad was the most wonderful man I have ever known ( his father was also wonderful ). Dad was so generous and always wanting to help others. He had a heart the size of the universe. It's all just so difficult to deal with.
You will never forget or "get over" the loss of your father. The best we can hope is that, with time, we will adapt to it. Your mom likely doesn't want to hear you talk about it because it upsets her. If you have no friends to talk to, you can always vent here...
Thank you for taking the time to respond, Sciguy. I think when you are so very close to someone, you always grieve to some degree. I know it may be different for everyone, but I think many people probably have some level of grief that is forever. I believe am am one of those people.
Cindy, thanks for being here and for sharing your Dad with us. He sounds like a wonderful man, and it seems that you shared a very special relationship. I think the loss of a parent gets minimized in our society. I find often times that those who have lost a parent are met with short-lived sympathy. In the "natural order of things" our parents are "supposed" to leave this Earth before us, and I guess for those who haven't lost a parent, they may think that it somehow is supposed to make it easier. But it doesn't, and especially if you had a very good relationship with your parent. I say this often, but our parents are our first loves and if we're lucky this is a lifelong close relationship. Our parents can be our biggest supporters, our confidants, our friends...and there is nothing easy about losing a person who played multiple roles in our life. When you ask, how does anyone accept this, I'm not sure that people accept it in the way we typically think of the word "accept". To us, acceptance almost implies an approval (like being "accepted" to a college or "accepting" a job offer) and certainly there's no griever who wants to accept the loss that has happened. A word I often use in its place is "adapt" or "adjust". I think that's sometimes the best we can hope for. You haven't known a life that doesn't have your father in it. Even with 4 years passed you may not feel you've been able to learn what life is supposed to look like without him here. But that's the task of the griever I suppose...learning a new life. Maybe one we didn't ask for, but finding a way to adapt and adjust - perhaps in the way we know our parent would want. It takes time, and there's no reason you shouldn't still be wishing he was here. But finding the balance of keeping him in your present thoughts while still seeing what's next for you in this life, may be an option worth exploring to cope... I hope we can be a help to you here and I'm so glad you have joined our site. I wish you all the best~
