I feel fine then it hits me like a ton of bricks

Sorry for your loss, Coruisk. These are the struggling, difficult days that come with grief work. It is a road that none of us wanted to walk, but we are faced with continuing on in the face of a great loss. I pray that God will strengthen you and that you will continue on this site. I feel like your long (as you have described them) posts are your way of thinking things through and trying to make some sense of them. Continue talking as long as it helps you, and don't worry about how long they are or what other people think. We all have been through this pain and are trying to cope with it in the best way we can. We understand like no one else can.
Chris

 

Thank you for your reply Chris, it is really good to have support and understanding. I've been talking a lot of rubbish today, making jokes and rambling, but this is good for me, as my sister had a good, but very dry sense of humour. If she found something funny, she would repeat the joke or story over and over. She called me T for Trouble, with a capital T, as she said I never behaved, but I always said, that would be boring and I'd miss out on all the fun. She tried to be positive and loom on the bright side as much as possible even when she was in terrible pain. A close friend in work asked me when I will be back. I have a sick (medical) note, until 7th February, I will see how I feel then. My cousin said maybe I should go back before then, to get back into a routine. Which although I agree a routine, getting up, doing things at certain times, having set tasks to do in work etc, def helps. And today and yesterday, have definitely been good days and having brighter and positive things, although still very difficult at times, and upsetting having still quite a lot to sort out for my sister. And people to contact etc. Although I worry about going back to work too soon, this is normal, if I do go back and have to go off again, I will cope with it and get through it a day and a step at a time. Writing things down/talking is definitely very helpful for me. I feel at times with friends and family like a stuck record, saying the same things, going over and over them. Thank you all so much for your support, it really helps.