I can't believe you left me!!!

I feel numb. I feel angry. I feel so sad. I don't know how to feel since yesterday morning. I can't believe you left me!! I didn't get to say goodbye. We left alot of things unsaid. How am I going to deal? I know I need to be strong and keep going for our family but man I don't know if I can. I don't want to be here now the world looks so different today. Help God please help me understand. I feel alot of quilt the way our relationship was so rocky but you know I loved you sooo much.. Please God I can't stop crying. My soul feels numb. I'm sorry but I have to get this out and no one around me understands. Thank you

 

Sorry to hear about your loss. Feeling anger toward the person who died is not uncommon - as you feel like they have abandoned you. It is also quite common to feel guilt over things you did or think you should have done. I hope you find this site helpful.

 

I'm so sorry about your loss. All of those emotions you mentioned are normal, or so I was told when I lost my husband. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I hope you find the comfort you need from this site.

 

I have felt the same as you. All I can say a year later is that it gets better. I understand more clearly the issues we had not getting along, but there was such deep love after 28 years as soul mates. It's quite a conflict of emotions. I'm no longer angry and am now focusing on the part where I'm supposed to just remember our time together as a gift and move on. The loss of unconditional dysfunctional love still hurts and is confusing. I can't talk to anyone about the stupid things we went through, as people like to make the dead into saints. I am hurting, because there was always hope when he was alive that we would heal whatever was wrong and that it would be better in the future. Love is not enough. You need healthy participation. But...grief is real no matter who you love. I can't believe there's no more time to work things out. It's over. I'm healing one day at a time and getting wiser. This is a lonely process.

 

I don't have an answer for your grief its a loneliness that almost consumes you, but i found some peace in the Bible, esp. Psalms 139;15- it says that our days were laid out before we were born NLT everyday was recorded. Your love died when is was time, no one can add a second to life or take it away. This helps me so much as my wife of 53 years and i were having an argument when she had a massive seizure and was gone. The guilt i have is more than i can handle at times, only by going to the scriptures can i find any peace. I wish i had more to share, but i'm new to this type of grief also. But i know what your going thru right now because i'm there also. All we can do is Thank the Lord for the time we had with our love one, and to be looking for the return of Christ when we'll meet again. May God give you the peace that you need.

 

Hi Cathy, thank you for your response. Yes you are so right with what you said, people don't understand what we went through but yet still have that love. This is day 4 and the range of emotions I'm feeling, I'm wondering if I need professional help! This is a lonely process I see that now, but if you ever need a friend I'm here ok. Thank you again it helps to know you made it through the year.

 

Thank you for your story. It really does help to know this is a lonely process but I'm really not alone in going through this. We were arguing as well and I had ignored his last call. I keep replaying that over and over in my mind. I pray God eases my heart or let him come to me in a dream and tell me it's going to be ok. Until then I will find strength in reading the bible. Thank you and take care of yourself.