I’m just heartbroken. I lost my son 7 weeks ago. He was 18. He drowned with a friend who also perished. This has been the hardest 7 weeks of my life. I don’t wanna eat I can’t sleep I really only move because I have too. They say don’t question God. They say he doesn’t make mistakes..... Well I disagree. AllI can think about is my son. I was already having anxiety over being an empty nester so early. Now my baby is gone. How do you cope. How do you get through. When will the day come that I don’t cry anymore. I feel stuck in a bad movie.
Losing partners and children are the hardest in my opinion. Partners because you live with them and share everything. Children because it is an out of order death. They are supposed to bury you. That said, everything you are experiencing, we, too, are experiencing. Grief is the hardest thing you will ever do. If someone disagrees, he or she has not lost someone truly treasured. Losing someone close is like losing yourself. All your hopes, dreams, thoughts, feelings, futures are wrapped up in that person. So when they die, pieces of you die, too. Only you are still here and having to deal with your shattered self. Personally I have lost four close family members, inc. a first partner. But I don't remember feeling quite this much pain as losing my second partner, Robert, 11 weeks ago. My emotions are all over the place. I feel weepy, crazy, resigned, yearning, confused and other feelings, all within a few minutes of each other. The worst time is right after my students have left for the day. B/c I have been focused on them, I then have to integrate the loss of Robert back into my psyche, emotions and memory. It makes me weepy and melancholy all over again. Acknowledging your loss is the hardest part and is what takes a long time to process. Years perhaps.
