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He Was More Than Just My Dad

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Carlise Smith, Sep 7, 2018.

  1. Carlise Smith

    Carlise Smith Member

    August 11th 2018. Worst day of my life. I got a phone call nobody ever wants to receive , "carlise , your dad has passed" rings in my head everyday, I had just talked to him the night before, we were leaving that next morning to come to his house for a week so we could spend time before the kids went back to school . The last thing I said to my dad was " Make sure you have lots of snacks, we're coming to drive you crazy all week" this particular time we didn't end our convo with I love you , it was replaced with see you tomorrow, but when tomorrow came my best friend in the entire world was gone, I'm 27 and I still need him , he never mentioned he was sick ever .. me and my dad were two peas in a pod, he was a single father who never complained , he worked hard and everyday his whole life, we talked on the phone consistently every other week about nothing sometimes but it never mattered I loved hearing his voice , he was my wisdom & my strength, my best friend and my hero , when he didn't have my hand , he had my back , he was ALWAYS there for me, he never judged the many mistakes I made , he always accepted me no matter what . Losing him so suddenly has destroyed me , watching him go in the ground haunts me every night, I haven't slept since his funeral , I've stopped eating resulting in rapid weight loss , 11 pounds exactly & I was only 100 to begin with , I stayed at his apartment for two weeks after his death because I still felt him there. I kept everything were he last placed it , I sprayed his cologne to smell him, I kept his TV on and his door closed so I could pretend he was still in there , I wear his clothes every day , nothing will ever take away this pain, I stare at our pictures because now all I have are memories , I randomly break down because my world is falling apart , I miss him so much , I play the voicemails to hear his voice , I put all his belongings in storage because I can't throw anything away , I just can't believe it . I never imagined living in a world without him , I'm 27 he was 62 we're both so young , I can't find the strength to complete daily task , I have two children myself and my significant other has to help me with most task because these days are dark & I can't see pass my loss , I want him back. I need him back . I'm completely heartbroken
     
    Carlise Smith, Sep 7, 2018
    #1
    Beth A. likes this.
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Carlisle, thank you for sharing your story. I am so very sorry for your loss. Your father sounds like a wonderful man and yours sounds like a truly special relationship. A few things stand out to me as I read your post. First, this is a very very new loss. I know how quickly people around you may move on and expect you to do the same, but you are in the earliest and most acute stages of this loss, and if it's any consolation (odd as this may sound) you're nowhere near at a point where you should be expected to feel okay with any part of this. Every single thing you described is such a "normal" and common part of grieving and it sounds like in a lot of ways you've already discovered a number of very healthy ways to maintain a connection to your Dad (even if they feel very strange, odd or foreign to you). You haven't experienced the loss of "just" one person. You've experienced the loss of a parent, a friend, a confidant, a cheerleader...and I offer that not to make you feel worse but to help you recognize that when this loss feels so giant and overwhelming it's for good reason.
    Finding support is an important start, and I'm hoping you can find some comfort here. I'm glad you've joined us and hope you continue to check in with us in the days ahead. I wish you hope and healing, and please remember, we are here to help~
     
    griefic, Sep 7, 2018
    #2
    Carlise Smith likes this.
  3. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your father. I lost my mother suddenly in May. She was there one night and gone in the morning. This is still very new to you, so nobody should expect you to be fine. Also, each person grieves in their own way and in their own time. I hope you find this site helpful.
     
    Sciguy, Sep 7, 2018
    #3
    Carlise Smith likes this.
  4. Cindy10

    Cindy10 Member

    Carlisle, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. I was very close to my Dad, also and it's been a little over 4 yrs since he passed, but sometimes the pain is so strong and I just feel like I have no one to turn to at all. All I really have is my Mom who doesn't want to hear me talk about how much I miss Dad. I know she misses him a lot, but she thinks I shouldn't speak so often about it. I'm an only child and that also makes it harder ( I guess ). Anytime you want to talk, if I'm here, please message me and we can talk.
     
    Cindy10, Sep 7, 2018
    #4