Grief & Laughter. Have you laughed today, yesterday or in the past?

George,

No need to ever apologize!!!, TUTTAM!!! (I'm the one who should be saying I'm sorry, this has grown way past stale,but I'm so proud of myself, that with this foggy widow brain, I can remember the letters, I keep on repeating it,them, lol...) You are just letting us know how you're feeling. We would SUCK!!! as friends if we didn't care enough to want to "listen" to your real feelings. As usual, I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel even the slightest bit better, so just sending lots of extra hugs..., and love..., your way...

You're doing the very best you possibly can, and even though you're stuck at the bottom of that roller coaster ride of emotions, as Tom Zuba would say, you ARE!!! healing... You are doing the most difficult and challenging task (for lack of a better word) that's ever been forced upon you!!!, TUTTAM!!! You continue to battle Mr. Grief, refusing to let him suffocate you, no matter how long Mr. Grief continues to keep his hand on that off switch, keeping that roller coaster from being able to inch it's way up. YOU ARE HEALING!!! YOU ARE TUGW!!! Your GIC friends will be here to "listen" to you always... no matter how much you're hating everything.

Sending you lots more hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

I love your story, just imagining it makes me laugh.

 

Karen, I love ❤️ this post!! Thank you so very much!! Deb321, reading your post about what happened in the pool actually made me laugh!! And it is so true, that laughter is the best medicine!

Debra

 

Debra,

Karen is a very wise woman!!!, TUTTAM. First she gave us Mr. Grief, now this wonderful thread. I'm glad I was able to make you laugh!!! Laughter is something I used to take for granted prior to Bob's death, but and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, something I will NEVER!!! take for granted again. Bob had the most wonderful sense of humor... I miss Bob so very much... I need a tissue...

Going to leave the house soon to do lots of errands. I think I better bring an entire box with me. It might be one of those days, I need to wear my sunglasses while I shop... Bob will have been dead 11 months on April 11th at exactly 3:45 a.m. While I'm beginning to feel better physically, I think it's been helping me adjust to this total heartbreak emotionally a bit better too. However, it will ALWAYS!!! SUCK!!!, TUTTAM!!! I miss Bob with all my heart... I miss him more, the more days that go by. I HATE!!! having to say this to you, knowing that you are nowhere near as far along in this miserable journey as I am, but I NEVER!!! want to sugarcoat anything. It only makes things so much worse.

I hope that you find at least one reason to LMSO today...

Sending you zillions of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

“Had to be there” moments are sometimes the best.

 

Hi Deb,
I agree that Karen is a very wise woman, I can tell by how she words her posts. And thank you, it was so good to laugh, something I haven't been able to do for weeks. And I know what you mean, because laughter is something I too used to take for granted, prior to Keith's death, and I will never take it for granted again also! My heart goes out to you, and I know how you feel because I miss Keith so very much...and the more I cry, the more and more miserable I feel!!
And it is good that you will be getting some errands done, at least you will be getting out of the house for awhile. And hope I have gone through so many boxes of tissues... so I know what that's like... It is extremely heartbreaking as well as extremely beyond so totally devastating to lose someone we so deeply love!!! And it is so good that you are beginning to feel better physically, and that it is helping you to adjust to this total emotional heartbreak a bit better. And I couldn't agree more that it SUCKS, and it always will!!! And I completely understand, no matter how many more days go by, we miss them more and more each day!! And it's ok, I know that I'm no where near as far along in this miserable journey as you are, but at the same time, I know in my heart that although I am forced to keep going through every day, I have to continue to take care of myself so that I can take care of my daughters.
And I don't know what today will be like, but thank you for saying you hope I will find at least one reason to LMSO, and I hope that you will as well.
And you will be in my thoughts...

And thank you so very much for sending me zillions of hugs, and wishing me peace... and I'm sending you zillions of hugs as well as wishing all of us peace also... Take care always,
Debra

 

Does anyone here ever feel joy?

 

Not me!! I used to prior to losing the love of my life... now it is just extreme pain, and I just can't seem to break free from the daily misery that goes with grieving...

Debra

 

Debra it's WAY too soon for you. Keep Upright my old friend used to say.

 

Yes, I know it is, but I can't help feeling that I will feel this way forever... and that makes me feel even worse! But thank you so much for your kindness and support. And I'm trying to keep Upright every day, although it has been extremely very difficult... and I know that everyone here knows how extremely painful and heartbreaking it is to have so much grief...
Debra

 

I have occasional moments, little pockets, of feeling amused, pleased, tickled, satisfied, grateful.
Can’t say joy is in there though.
(unless you count my Maggie Joy who is ever present)
~B

 

I'm so glad that you do have those moments, and I wish that I could be able to escape the ever present tight hold that Mr. Grief has on me, but it definitely is way too soon for that to happen. Thank God I have my daughters, and so I'm not alone...
Debra

 

Debra, I hear you. The first few months everyone said it will get better. I didn't believe it, your grief will change, I didn't believe it. After one year and now 4 months I do believe it gets better in a strange way. Hard to explain. My panic, emotional, fear and disbelief Jack died is still there, but subdued. I panicked not knowing what my purpose will be. It took months to let that go because I wasn't getting any answers and I was going crazy. I hang on to my God, talk to Jack constantly and when I get no answers I just yell "HELP".
So, back to joy. For me its my daughter. She would be devastated if anything happened to me. Everytime she cracks a joke or giggles at her cat it gives me joy. Now, that joy only last for a few seconds, but at least I find it in her. And like B said, little pockets of feeling amused, pleased, tickled, satisfied and grateful. B, Maggie is a joy to you.
And Debra you and your girls will find joy in little things someday. Hang tight, hold on, it does get better. Always blessings to you and your girls, Karen

 

B, it's soon for you too to feel joy, but what you have described is progress. I love how you described what you are feeling. As I told Debra my daughter gives me joy when she cracks a joke or giggles at her cat. I live for her now and of course, Rambo, my buddy who fills this house with his presence of joy, I do feel joy and so grateful I have him. Okay, enough of joy back to what this thread is about. Always blessings to you, Karen

 

I can't say Mr. Grief will ever give up, but he will stay out of the amusement park sometimes.

 

Karen, thank you so much for your kindness and your warm reply. And although everyone says it will get better, it is such a struggle to have to go through so much intense pain every day. And my heart goes out to you!! And I know how it feels to hear everyone say that... and I completely understand the panic, emotional, fear and disbelief that Jack died still being there, although it is subdued, as well as why you panicked, not knowing what your purpose would be, and why it took months to let that go. Because I am having all of those thoughts and feelings, and I'm just so scared!!
I too get joy from my kids, and they would both be devastated if anything happened to me as well, so I know the feeling... and it is so good that it gives you joy everytime she cracks a joke or giggles at her cat, even though it is only for a few seconds, at least you do find it in her. My girls are 14 and 17 years old, and I also worry what this is doing to them emotionally. My heart is already broken, and I know that they too are having so much grief. And I'm so glad that B. does have those little pockets of feeling amused, tickled, satisfied and grateful... and that Maggie is a joy to her.
And thank you so much again for your support, I truly appreciate it. And for reminding me that one day I amd my girls will find joy in the little things someday. And I will keep hanging tight, and keep having faith that it does get better. It is so good that I found GIC, as here, like yourself, there are so many kind, caring, supportive, and so empathetic people here.
And thank you also for your blessings, and many blessings to you and your daughter also. And you will be in my thoughts.

Take care always,
Debra

 

Just a little funny here. George in another post referred to a holiday saying, "Holly-Day". I told him I did get a laugh from it. Maybe your girls could use that phrase with their friends.

 

That is funny. And it actually did make me laugh, and even for the moment, it's so good to laugh... thank, you, Karen . And I will share that with my girls, and they could use that phrase with their friends.

Debra

 

I like this new expression TUTTAM, I request a permission to borrow it. Thanks dear Deb! and now I'm sending you many hugs, Helena

 

Thank you Lou! I'm so looking forward to when my daughters and I will be able to get out of California!! And envisioning the dog eyeing the turkey and his owner was funny, and it did make me laugh!!

Debra