Dating Disaster...Can I forgive myself?

Hi, my name is Sandra and my husband, Will, of 47 years, died in January 2023 of Pancreatic Cancer. We received the diagnosis on December 19, 2022, and he passed January 30, 2023. Needless to say, it's been a painful time. We have one child (son) who's married and lives in Florida. He was some support but was/is having a difficult time with his own personal grief. In July (2023) my childhood sweetheart contacted me, and we started communicating via Facebook Messenger. I had not thought of dating yet, but because of our "love history", I took a chance. He lives in Germany, and it was exciting to visit another country. It was my first solo international travel experience. Long story short...it was a disaster. Culminating in an argument on New Years Day. I thought we had resolved the disagreement only to find out weeks later (as the communications started to drift) that he was not over it. I am now embarrassed and humiliated realizing we were not on the same page. Yes, the relationship is over after only 9 months. Now, not only am I grieving the loss of my husband, but also the loss of my first love. That's 2 losses within one year! I keep blaming myself for reaching out too soon. Every morning, I wake up crying remembering the mistakes I made. How do I move on? How do I forgive myself? Will the pain of these two losses ever subside? At 72 years old shouldn't I have known better?

 

You should forgive yourself bc you were lonely and you made a mistake. You might not have been ready yet, but you got out of your comfort zone and tried. It doesn't matter how old you are when your world is upside down you could have given up. You should be very proud that you didn't. You tried just like I did. I still am. In the end things will workout especially if you have your faith. You are always loved. Someone out there is just happy you are here. Just know no matter how bad it is. You might not believe it right now. God loves you. He will always be ok with you no matter what you have done or where you are. He forgives us for all our mistakes. Mine are plenty. Best wishes.

 

Thank you for your kind words Sapphiresteel77. I do believe in the power of prayer. It's only by God's Grace, I have made it this far. Best wishes to you as well.

 

I will pray for you. I believe that God will take us through the valley but blessing is on the other side. God will restore what is lost. That's just part of Deuteronomy 30: 3-13.