lost my best friend, mine and my mom's actual guardian, my father the tightest lock in our family 11 days ago. suddenly. each second without him in the real world is terrifying. me and my mom never had to be involved in anything, and my mom is basically a timid person. people around us supposed to be family did help us in a few ways BUT EVERYONE IS FINE APART FROM ME AND MY MUM. i think i am going mad. actually. nothing makes me and my mom smile and everything is a trigger instead. my dad was only 53. this is unbearable and unacceptable. we are both so lost, father figure is not exactly my father. we cannot bear to even look at his pictures as of now. i am an only child already suffering from severe anxiety disorder for around 5 years now. some nights are so tough i cant breathe i get severe severe panic attacks and my mom just breaks down saying that i am all she has now and if i fall sick what will be she be left with in life? every single thing is a trigger. every. single. thing. we miss him so much all the time. i kid u not, my chest hurts as i write this. i have some studies to do but i have literally zero focus right now. i have jobs to find but how on Earth am i supposed to keep my thoughts oragnised? there are so many more questions i have.
