*DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!

Why do we cry more weeks than others

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by skies24, Jul 7, 2020.

  1. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    I can’t stop crying this week. I can’t even tell anyone cause it’s almost six months. Everyone thinks I’m okay now. It’s ridiculous. Why do people just think we become okay.
     
    glego, Cyanotype and Barry like this.
  2. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Eight months for me in a few days, still weepy at times. Unless they've been through it they just don't get it. For some reason the last two or three weeks have been worse. I think because I've been happier and in some strange way, I get feeling guilty that I shouldn't be because he's not here.
     
    Barry, Sweetcole and skies24 like this.
  3. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Tears and crying are not to be ashamed of or worried about. I always tell myself they're to honor the love I have for my wife and the life we had together. I'm also 8 months in and I still have as many good days as bad. Most times now my tears just need a trigger and out they come. A song, a memory, a place, a tv show, etc. Don't let them be anything more than a badge of honor for the love you shared. ☮️
     
    alwaysme, mikeyb7248, Ayres and 4 others like this.
  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    You should tell yourself it’s only been 6 months, because that is the fact. It’s only been 6 of course I’m still grieving. You lost someone you were very close with, that pain doesn’t just go away. People who haven’t suffered this kind of loss can’t understand.
    Be kind to yourself, there is no timeline. I’m having a rough couple of weeks too and I’m at 19 months. I’ve chatted with many people on here that seem to be feeling worse right now. No idea why but it’s happening to multiple people.
    Guilt does seem to play a roll, e enough though it shouldn’t. I have that too. It happens for no real reason except we miss that special person so much.
    Use your friend as your inspiration to keep mo I guess forward towards better days.
     
    mikeyb7248, M-J, KristenS and 3 others like this.
  5. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I dont no why people think that you're okay when you've lost a part of yourself. It's like when they ask they expect to say you're ok. I think it's because they hoping that you dont need anything so they want you to be ok. Their is no time limit on grief. Take your time and grief your love one. Their is going to be good days and bad ones and you dont no when they are coming. I loss my fiancee almost 4 months ago. Last week I cried everyday like it had just happened. We have small kids and my son has cried and asked for his dad more this week. So I'm crying with him . Noone wants to no that cause they supposedly understand what we feel. At least that's the first think people say if I mention anything about missing him. They dont really no though cause they still have their other half. This is a different type of loss. So heal at your own time
     
    mikeyb7248, M-J, RLC and 3 others like this.
  6. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    It's been over a year since my sister whom I lived with and was my best friend passed and I still find myself crying at times. It is perfectly normal. Don't worry about people who do not understand because grief has no time limits.
     
    mikeyb7248, M-J, RLC and 3 others like this.
  7. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Grief will never go away, it changes. I'm learning to make friends with my grief, it's okay to be sad and shed tears. It will just change tears fade away to memories of the good times together.
     
  8. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    Today is 6 months since she went to the hospital. Last thing I said to her is I’ll be 10 minutes behind you. And she said okay. I didn’t really think it was anything serious. I thought she would just get better. God how that day changed me.

    I feel her everywhere today. Which is good but makes me sad also. This is one hell of a journey. I wish everyone peace in this awful journey. I hope I find faith again.
     
    alwaysme, EddieF, mikeyb7248 and 2 others like this.
  9. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    I can’t wait to laugh at the good times! We had so many!
     
    glego likes this.
  10. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    I’m sorry for all your pain. I couldn’t imagine that depth. Sorry for your kids. This is a crazy journey. The emotions. The questions. And people just don’t it.
     
    cg123 and glego like this.
  11. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    Thanks! Its definitely different and every day is a challenge. People dont get it. U have to have gone through the same type pain to even have an idea how it feels . All we all can do is take it one day at a time. It's a blessing that we will all have each other.
     
    cg123 and glego like this.
  12. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m starting to feel that actually might be a possibility. I can think of wonderful memories and smile, not always but it’s happening.
    I also think that people although they ask how you’re doing, they just want you to say, I’m ok. I’m not honest with most people. It’s not worth the stress and anxiety of what might be said back.
     
    mikeyb7248, cg123 and glego like this.
  13. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    I agree! Everyone just wants to hear, I’m okay. No one wants to hear the truth. No one wants to mention her name. That pisses me off. I want to talk about her. But people just think you are a “downer” when you do. I’m for sure learning who my real friends are. I just wish she was here to be my best.
     
    ainie, RLC, cg123 and 2 others like this.
  14. I, too, am coming up on near 6 months. I am sorry for the loss of your sister. My loss was my daughter. You are right. Most people wont mention Alyxs name in my presence. If I do, I see them a bit nervous. Im not well. Im not 'better". I was asked by a teen if she can ask me something. I said of course. She went on and asked if she could talk to me about Alyx, or was it too upsetting. I thought about that. At risk of sounding neurotic, I told her I love talking about her. But, yes, there are times it is too painful. So how about you just ask if its a good Alyx day. Its worked so far. I cant predict if Ill make it thru a day without crying. Or even a minute. I am hoping time allows us a way to cope in a less painful way..but whether 6 months, 6 years..the loss is painful. No one should expect us not to miss them regardless how much time has gone. Peace to you and yours.
     
    cg123 and skies24 like this.
  15. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I came right out and told my brother that I still needed his support. He was great support then stopped calling and checking on me my other brother never checked on me once. He later told me he was giving me space. REALLY? I have too much space I need people in my life, especially people who knew Ron and my relationship was so strong and we did everything together. He told me he didn’t want to talk about Ron, didn’t want to make me feel worse. I told him believe me you’re not reminding me of my loss. I think of Ron every minute of every day. And I need to talk about him. My brother that had been good support dropped off and stayed away for months. I finally let him know I could still use your support, I need someone to care. He’s been better and calls sometimes and invites me to get pizza with them once in a while. He has come around. Not my other brother though.
    It’s hard trying to “teach” people how to treat us and what we need. Some pay attention and listen others don’t.
    We all grieve in our own way and time. People here have given me awesome support, there’s never any judgement and all understand. There’s comfort in knowing people do get it and understand.
    Our lives are forever changed, but our loved ones want us to be ok and try to live life and move forward and that is what I try to do each day. It’s hard.
     
  16. Kristine50

    Kristine50 Member

    It is hard to move forward.The heart is never whole.My Mom was my best friend, my Dad was my Superman. Life is not fair sometimes.My Dad fought to the end like
    a hero, and then 3 weeks later I lost my Mom unexpectly. Its hard for me to move forward when all I wanna do is have them back in my life , back the way it was... :(
     
  17. Edobbins

    Edobbins New Member

    I find that I’m having anxiety lately about my grief. I lost my mother 5 months ago; my brother traumatically a year and a half ago (unsolved murder); and my Dad two years ago.

    Last year was hell with me feeling so broken after my brothers murder that I didn’t know if I was going to make it. I have never ever felt these feelings of anguish, despair, and complete consuming sadness. I am on antidepressants and in therapy for help. The fear (=anxiety) that I will just continue to suffer is really strong right now. I did not get angry with my brother’s killer until just last month. I’m not comfortable at all with the anger because growing up anger in my house meant someone was going to get hurt.

    so my anxiety is a manifestation of my fear that the grief feelings will never fade and I will always be suffering because of what that (unspeakable) killer did to my brother and my family.
     
  18. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    I couldn’t imagine. I hope in time you find some peace.
     
  19. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Well-Known Member

     
  20. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    I understand your grief and sadness which you are dealing with. This is a terrible journey that we must endure when a loved one passes. I wish you peace and faith again.
     
    skies24 likes this.