When is OK to date?

My husband of nearly 30 years moved to heaven suddenly, 3+ months ago. He had health issues over the years and should have died 18 years ago. We had many conversations about "if he should go first". I am grateful for the time we had together. I was approached by a mutual friend if I would be interested in a date. I don't feel I am dishonoring my hubby. When it comes down to it - he spent his life trying to make me happy. So, dating - although weird - may be a good thing. The fact that it is someone that knew us both is comforting.

I am concerned about my young adult children and the inlaws. I am concerned about what impact the family friend may feel - going out with his friends "wife". I want to be cognizant of his feeling too.

Thoughts?

 

I think everyone is different. Only thing I would be worried about you still have to be in a vulnerable state.

Even though your husband had been ill for years you are still grieving.
So just be careful and don't jump into anything serious.

 

I also worried about being judged. So far, everyone is happy for me.
Long story short, because of my loneliness and isolation (family doesn’t live close by) I went to an online dating site. I’m now in a relationship with a widower. Friend/companion.

 

I, too, was in Kay's position when my first partner died (he killed himself out of alcoholism and depression). I was basically his caretaker the past five years of his life due to an acute illness in addition to his mental state. For t he last 3 years of his life, his d o ctor said John's bottom was death. He was right. I did a lot of pre grieving. When he died, it wasn't a shock. I met my 2nd partner 5 mos later. We were together 18 yrs til he died July 6.

The illness changes it. Ev e ryday you know you are on borrowed time. You also tend to stand back a little, knowing what is coming. A kind of self protection.

In the s cheme of thibgs, my grief over my 2nd partner is far greater than my 1st due to it being unexpected.

Ignore children and friends. It is your life

 

It doesn't have to start as a date, you could simply go to dinner together, or movie, or shopping together.

The word date sounds like relationship, and you may not be ready for that yet but really just want to do something fun as friends.

Move at a pace that you are comfortable with.

 

I think it depends on how long you are on your grief journey. Any outing with a man at this stage of my journey - 3 months since Robert died - would not feel right. A woman is different or even a group of people.

 

I lost my husband of 25 years in October 2018. Our relationship was perfect until the last 5 years. He started drinking. He was still a great man and always did his best to make me and our teenage kids happy, but the drinking was a problem for me because he always tried to hide it. Then became trust issues and little white lies to hide his drinking. I was really unhappy in our relationship. Since he has passed, I keep looking for something to fill this huge hole inside me. I keep thinking to myself I need a man to fill this hole. I also know it is way to soon for that. Is it normal to feel this way? I am so lonely. Why do I fill like I need a man in my life?