It has been over eight years since I lost my best friend and soul mate to a sudden death from alcoholism. What seems to have complicated everything was that we were estranged at the time due to an argument over the drinking and the regret and guilt is so overwhelming that I have not been able come to any sort of peace, healing or whatever you are suppose to achieve. I have basically become an antisocial recluse who travels constantly and has not had a normal functioning life in years. I have lost most of my friends and those I am in contact with have completely lost all patience with my eccentric lifestyle. I was treated like a fragile object at first but now I am expected to have recovered. I have not found counseling/ therapy to be helpful and if anything I feel it makes it worse. I don’t know how to get over it and be normal again like everyone expects me to be. Is it possible to fall too far down the rabbit hole to ever get out? By now I feel that I am there. Apparently grief is not something you are meant to never recover from.