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unfortunately joining this group

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by ES70, Feb 19, 2019.

  1. ES70

    ES70 New Member

    My partner and husband of over 40 years died feb 9th. He had been sick for a year but was still there and still expressed his love for me and I expressed same for him. This week has felt without end. I have the support of my children and their spouses and many friends but I want my husband. Trying to get by day by day. My dog has been a comfort for me.
  2. ksteve

    ksteve Active Member

    So sorry for your husband's passing. My wife passed in November and was doing quite well after a stem cell transplant for leukemia She relapsed in October and we were going for yet another stem cell transplant. The chemo along with yet another complication resulted in her death 30 days later. My first month was extremely difficult as I finally came to the realization that this is not a bad dream and my wife is not coming back. Like snowflakes, everyone handles grief differently. l found that talking about it or as others refer to it on this web site - journalizing, really helps. Three months later I have days that are ok but every now and then I get a day or event that just wacks be over the head. I kept asking what my purpose is suppose to be in life and I never got an answer. I finally came to the conclusion that I need to find a new purpose in life. I focus my energy on supporting my kids and trying to fill "grandma's shoes". I start the day with "good morning mom" and end it by telling her good night - haven't missed one. I let her know what's going on in "my" world and ask her for assistance when needed". I don't know what happens in 6 months or 6 years. I just know I need to move on because that is what she would have wanted me to do. You just need to find a place in your heart and mind and keep them there. Your just starting your new journey so give yourself as much time as you need. Know there are good days ahead but be prepared for bumps in the road. Counseling is always available along with different support groups. Try different things out to help you through this difficult time. If something doesn't work that is ok - move on. I know your other post had asked if anyone could respond. I've found that people (including myself), do not "hang out" here. Remember, we are grieving as well and some days we need to just get away. I'm hoping not to be a lifetime member here (although I might check back occasionally). But for now, just knowing I'm not the only one with this pain in my heart and that there are others that understand what I'm going through is comforting and helpful. Trying to get by day by day is not a bad approach. Early on, I would have settled for an hour by hour.
    LouiseP57, JMD, Sarabeth and 2 others like this.
  3. slothful

    slothful New Member

    And I became eligible for membership on Feb 23, when my husband of 40 years died from multiple myeloma. Yesterday was a bad day and I searched for support groups. I found this group today, and while today is a better day, I think it will help to communicate with others who are going through this. And my dog is great comfort. On the first night I came home to an empty house I dreaded opening the door. But there was my dog, grinning and wagging, and making me laugh. When she figured out that Alex was going to come back, she demanded that her dog bed be on my side of our bed.
    LouiseP57 and JMD like this.
  4. Aude

    Aude Member

    I am also finding my dog to be an incredible comfort. She understood that my Mom was dying and acted completely differently during the final week. Now she studies my face more and becomes quiet and still as she stays with me as I weep.
    JMD likes this.

    TALKTOME Member

    My 3 dogs have saved my life. After my husband died one dog kept sitting in his chair waiting for her belly rub. Then she slept on his pillow on the bed. She has since realized he's gone so I took over with the br's. Animals can be such a support and they seem to understand things at times. God bless them.
    LouiseP57 and JMD like this.
  6. Bevstuart

    Bevstuart Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 22 years May 3. Having pets has really saved me at this time. My two cats are what motivate me to get up every day. They both sleep with me at night which some people might think is wierd, but I find it very comforting to have their little furry bodies snuggled up against me.
    LouiseP57 likes this.
  7. HW2927

    HW2927 Member

    The only thing keeping me going is my little dog. All I do is cry since my husband passed away on August 18th. It was unexpected as he was recovering from surgery and was seemingly doing well. He was my best friend and now I am so lost. Our dog still thinks he’s coming home. I take her out and she runs over to the car thinking he’s home.
    LouiseP57 likes this.
  8. Mona Lewis

    Mona Lewis Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband George to multiple myeloma. He suffered two years. I know it is a type of blood cancer but his bone pain was so awful. As a caregiver you are always fighting the cancer and refusing to accept defeat while you inspire your spouse every day to be happy. Each morning we turned on music while we had breakfast, then when we went for treatments we enjoyed the nurses and other patients. The relapses were the worst and usually ended in an emergency room treatment. I so know what you have been going through and am so glad you have your pet for comfort. They are so compassionate and know when you need them.
  9. JackieJohn2020

    JackieJohn2020 New Member

    I am sorry for your loss. I know its difficult. I lost my husband suddenly. I think of him every second of the day. We were married just short of 33 years. I wish it would get easier. Some minutes are, others not so much.
  10. KVR

    KVR Active Member

    Jackie, it does get easier. But it takes a long time and easier does not mean it (the loss, the hole, the missing) disappears. It just gets easier to deal with because even that, the loss and how you deal with it, becomes more and more familiar. Eventually, you wonder, why am I still here and you think there must be some purpose and you spend your time moving toward that glimmer of purpose, because otherwise, all we think is to go on into the sky with our loved one. I lost my husband 11 months ago. He died suddenly at work of a heart attack. Off to work and that evening he was gone, me left with a bag of his belongings. The house and our life frozen in time in that moment. Next month will make one year. We were married for 25 years. He died two weeks after our 25th anniversary, the week of Thanksgiving. I met him when I was 19 so that was a life time with a man. I am 50, so there's that, figuring out who I am without this other half. We have two children, 22 and 17. They are gifts. Still, they are looking to a future, while I am figuring that new identity out. There is such great, deep sadness in this letting go. We loved each other tremendously, we were good friends. He is with me every day and every hour. I am learning to accept his spirit as presence inside me and not wail for his physical presence, which is so hard. His spirit is bright and I have it, we have him with us, but there is the need to have the daily talks, the humor, the routines, the touch, the team tag thing in all relationships with the world. Next month makes one year and I can't believe the time, how it flies and slows down all at once and I can't believe I survived and I look in the mirror and find grace and gratitude that I am healthy and have a task at hand. To care for our children and perhaps honor his love for me in a way that I could not have imagined. If I can do that, and see him again when I die, it will be okay. I have no choice, this is what destiny has given me. Be well
    HW2927 and JMD like this.
  11. cjpines

    cjpines Active Member

    No, it's not weird for cats to sleep with you. My one cat loved my husband more than me. Jack, my husband died Nov 4th. He was at home with hospice. When he passed I put our cat on his hospital bed to see his reaction. He went over to Jack put his paw on his cheek then ran off the bed. He knew Jack was gone. So now I'm his best buddy, he sleeps on my bed, follows me everywhere, doesn't want me out of sight, acts just like a needy dog. If I'm sitting a chair he will come over and put his head on my foot and go to sleep. I should call him Shadow. Thank god I have him.