My father died last week. I am haunted by how meanly I treated him over the past few years. I cursed at him and called him names when he got on my nerves. I hung up on him. I didn't return his calls. I let him die lonely and in despair. I was able to speak to him on the phone a few hours before he died. I told him I was sorry for all that I had done and that I loved him for my whole life. I begged for his forgiveness. I don't know how to begin to move forward. I hate what I have done and I can never forgive myself. I don't believe I deserve forgiveness. I was a monster to him. Does anyone have any similar experiences in terms of guilt? How do you go on?